Should I tell his wife

[Another Man]

Good for you a Man. Congrats on the new wife. I think that whiner was also dumped flat. It was written all over her posting. The great thing about Asia is that expat men have alternatives here and need not put up long with a whining, whinging wife.  

[maxthecat]

Another Man,

Any woman who has been cheated on and/or dumped by her husband deserves the opportunity to whine.  Pity the poor expat wives who, according to you, have to button their lips at the end of a bad day, lest their hubby see their whining as grounds for justifiable infidelity.  Threats, anger, impatience, intolerance, etc. don't work in a relationship--what works is respect born of good deeds--making your spouse want to do the right thing.  I know it sounds corny, melodramatic, etc., but that doesn't make it any less true.  Think of how you'll want to feel on your deathbed!!!!  

[Some Thoughts]

For maxthecat

Prior to my experience with infidelity in Singapore, I expect I may have been an MYOB person too, as are the majority who have responded to this now hypothetical situation.  It's pretty woeful really especially when the probabiity of failure of expatriate marriages is so high in Singapore and it seems to be so widely acknowledged among the expatriate community.  Thanks for taking the time to read and think about the post.    

[mj]

Anotherman said:

"The great thing about Asia is that expat men have alternatives here"

-----------
Says it all doesn't it!  

[Hundredpercentgoahead]

Having read the posts of A man and the rest just let me ASSURE you that the lady is still VERY MUCH MARRIED to the husband who cheated on her .He realized the harm he did to his wife & family . Both are living in SINGAPORE my dear obnoxious A man!
So why did he not dump her as YOU DID?
Because he saw beyond the SEX, realized what a goof he was to be entangled with a womam who had no other qualities but those in bed, as that is not all a man needs or wants at the end of the day!

Good for you if you can dump one wife,(you will dump the other one too). If you had really felt she was your wife & not just some woman  you would have tried to resolve and salvage the marriage, not thrown up your hands and fished out another woman ! Maybe you were already involved with the woman who is your second wife and that is why you you could only see your wife as a BITCH) Right now your new wife is "wonderful"  soon if it does not suit you whatever it may be you will call her'BITCH'too.

No man is fit to be respected when he can use such a profaniety for a woman who is/was his wife.You think women are chatels EH?THINK AGAIN.
Maybe it's guys like you who deserve women who think & act like you.

[Man]

Wow - you really make up a wonderful story - not too much like the real thing.

I hope your life settles down and you become happy with yourself one day.

[pls make her shut up]

Man,

well articulated comments. Everything about the "onehundredpercent" poster says avoidance is best....how annoying...great to be in Asia w/options. Seriously, wouldn't you feel sorry for the fella who has to listen to that 24/7!  )

[Man]

Please make her shutup...

Yes, quite astonished at how someone can ignore statements and make up their own story...

Re, "being in Asia w/options" - well, to be honest I think it's irrelevant. My point all along, which maybe I haven't stated well enough is that people (men & women) have to take responsibility for their actions & words. If anyone (men or women) attempt to have a relationship on the side, then they will face some sort of consequence.

However, through my experience I consider that verbal abuse is as damaging to a marriage as infidelity. It is also a strong factor that can break up a marriage since it is contrary to the marriage vows of "love honour & cherish". In the extreme - and I was almost a case - it can cause a breakdown as the abused partner attempts to maintain a marriage through it all.

In other cases, since all resemblence of love has been chased from the relationship, it can cause the abused partner to seek affection elsewhere. Of course all this does is cause the abuser to shout and scream more, and it would seem, find it hard to accept their responsibility in the breakdown of the relationship.

Unfortunately, the verbal battering seen on this thread reminded me so much of my ex-wife and sent shivers through my spine as I remembered the unrelenting abuse she dished out, not only on our friends but also on me. It does strike me that they will make themselves more unhappy through their effect on people around them.

I sympathise with good people who have to suffer through a partner being unfaithful. However, I have also learned that there may be reasons for this and would not want to prejudge just on one person's statement.

[annoying]

Someone please surprise me - and let's start with "Should I tell the Husband" - fed-up with hearing "Should I tell the Wife" all the time - surely some wives also cheat on there beloved husbands!! Why is it we always here - typical male - what a bastard!

However, do you or don't you tell - I'm in the same situation with a very dear friend of mine.  Her husband is a b......d and has made a pass on me.  Haven't told her YET - not sure if I will - should I or shouldn't I!!!!! he has a string of past affairs.

[Hurt but Over It]

Dear Man. Yours was the most intelligent comment I have read. I have recently divorced my husband who was unfaithful to me and you will never get the true picture if you listen to only one side of the story. In my personal experience I have now come thorough all the pain and blame and am a much wiser person for it. I am not now (but certainly was) bitter and twisted about this but am wise enough to know that these things usually run much deaper than information that is available to an "outsider". Heard all of this stuff AND SOME many times over and also had similar conversations with myself. At the end of the day, only YOU know why these things happen and trust me, every woman/man shows signs that they are unhappy, but it takes a really brave person to do something about it. I personally think that infedelity is the cowardly approach but know how much easier it is than facing reality.Lets face it, all those that are being judgmental here probably need to take a long hard look at themselves.

[Eyes Wide Shut]

This is a really interesting thread! The reality of infidelity in a marriage is nothing to joke about.
As a woman, I can understand the reasons how husbands overseas minus wives can be easily tempted to have sex with other women. Long periods apart from wives mean long periods without sexual releases. I've read and been told all too often that men's attitude towards sex is different from women's. To men, sex does not equate love. Liking, yes. Fondness, yes. A man can love his wife dearly but he can find another woman a turn on in her absence. Fair enough and comprehensible. BUT......if it is MY husband, I reckon I'll not be so understanding. Why? Because I love him and emotionally I am not capable of accepting his one night stands if I am for whatever reasons not with him for prolonged periods of time. I'd rather not know about his discrepencies. With serious affairs......THAT is different. I'll be like most women - raising hell and running straight to a lawyer for a divorce! Affairs mean relationship and regular sex. No way I as a wife can close my eyes and pretend it's unimportant.
What men do not realise is - women generally associate sex with love. There's bound to be loads of complications in a marriage if a husband is involved in an affair and thinks of his lover as a stand-in for his absent wife. His lover obviously cares for herself only and does not have an iota of conscience about breaking up his marriage. To her, the ultimate thrill of the affair is in winning her man from a woman. That's why men can be such fools sometimes in believing the lovers they take in will be all too willing to back out once the wives are reinstated in their lives.
Take heed women. It's NOT our menfolk that cause us endless worries about their faithfulness. It's womenfolk! There ARE devious women who have no qualms whatsoever hunting for their favourite preys - married men. They will use all their wiles and charms to snare them and boost their egos into thinking how great, how wonderful, how attractive our husbands are. Unbeknownst to our men, these women use sex as their weapons. Often younger, more virile than us wearied mothers of children, we forget that we MIGHT have neglected our husbands in bed.
I feel that as women, irregardless of whether we are middle aged, mother or grandmother, we should not put precedence on children/work/hobbies over our husbands. If we want them to stay continuously enthralled with us, we definitely have to work for it.