"Hey It's Friday" jokes

[Cheers]

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bull**** and Ass kissing will put you over the top.

Happy Friday!

[Motivator]

Your theory has just destroyed a well credentialled university qualification, 20 years of human resource experience at mostly senior levels and countless motivational (boringly so) conferences.
What do I do now? I feel so obsolete. I always thought that bull**** baffled brains.
Where is my new future going to take me?

[Uh?]

Is it Friday?

[marriedguy]

Yes it is, all day today actually.

[This message has been edited by marriedguy (edited 13-08-2004).]

[Ah]

but it wasn't.

[Old Mike]

Friday 13. for Paraskevidekatriaphobics.
A study published in the British Medical Journal in 1993 entitled "Is Friday the 13th Bad for Your Health?"  With the aim of mapping "the relation between health, behaviour, and superstition surrounding Friday 13th in the United Kingdom," its authors compared the ratio of traffic volume to vehicular accidents on two different days, Friday the 6th and Friday the 13th, over a period of years.
Interestingly, they found that in the region sampled, while consistently fewer people chose to drive on Friday the 13th, the number of hospital admissions due to accidents was significantly higher than on "normal" Fridays.

Their conclusion: "Friday 13th is unlucky for some. The risk of hospital admission as a result of a transport accident may be increased by as much as 52 percent. Staying at home is recommended."

[Dal]

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his
wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to
him excitedly and said, “Socrates , do you know what I just heard about
one of your students?”
“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to
pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
“Triplefilter?” asked the acquaintance.
“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my
student let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say. The
first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates . “So you don’t really know if it’s true or
not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what
you are about to tell me about my student something good?”
“No, on the contrary ...”.
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him,
even though you’re not certain it’s true?”.
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued.” You may
still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter
of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be
useful to me?”
“No, not really ...”
“Well,” concluded Socrates , “if what you want to tell me is neither
True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a
great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he
never found out that Plato was shagging his wife

[Cheers]

Dear Motivator, perhaps this will help you more than all the motivational conferences and training courses… http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3557310.stm