tips on nursery start?

[AAsa]

My son is soon 18 months old and I found a nice nursery for him for a couple of hours a week.

Now, I know he loves playing with other kids BUT he more or less never been out of my sight since he was born and we only had a baby-sitter once when he was much smaller...

so I imagine me dropping him of and then have him screaming and crying for "maaamaaa" for three hours before I come and pick him up again. It already breaks my heart.

So please, before anyone starts with "why don't you just take care of him yourself?". I really need a couple of hours undisturbed to write an essay for my distance university course.

So, should I try to hang around as much as possible the first weeks? or clearly say bye-bye and leave so he knows that I am gone?? I guess the teachers must know and have experience - but it would be nice to hear from other moms how they made it.

[Bye Bye Baby]

Have been through this with 2 now.  As you say, the nursery staff will be really used to dealing with little ones being separated for the first time so be guided by them.  Be prepared to feel very guilty and miserable when your child is not overjoyed at your leaving.  They can scream and bawl and hang off your leg in order to maximise your guilt trip I'm afraid!  Hope it makes you feel better to know that I used to go back to the car and cry myself!  Interestingly though if a friend went back in after I had left then usually my child had calmed down once I had gone out of the door.

This is just my opinion but I think it is best to say a positive 'goodbye', tell your child that you will see them later and then march off quickly.  Others may disagree, but I think that lingering around and protracting the goodbye just makes everyone more stressed and the children quickly pick up on your own anxiety.  I found it useful to hang around outside for a while and then get someone else to go in and reassure me that all was well.

It is very hard to begin with but you are not alone in having to deal with this and in my case it really did not take too long before they were going in quite happily to nursery.  Good luck.

[18 mth also]

hi - just arrived and also have an 18mth old and looking for somewhere for a half day a week (my sanity break!).  Can I ask where you are going?  Also, back to the topic, I used to send my child at home for a half day and she wold scream every time I left and every time I arrived back but was fine while I was gone (staff told me and I spied!) So while heart-wrenching and difficult to leave just walk out and leave it to the staff to deal with and it will eventually get better (for both of you).  Enjoy your time!

[How About?]

I have not "progressed" onto leaving my child alone in nursery, as he is still attending an accompanied playschool program at Julia Gabriel.   But in time, I do believe I will have to deal with tearful separations every now and then.  

The many advices I have received point to a swift goodbye as the better way.  Agree that it can be pretty dramatic but after a couple of weeks, the situation should settle down.

I have discussed this topic with the Julia Gabriel staff and they did say that most toddlers would settle down very quickly once the activities commence.  It's not likely that a child would cry for the whole duration at nursery.  The child would usually be alright during class but when it's time to go home and when he sees you again, he could act up once more.  

If the curriculum is fun for the child, going to nursery would be alot of joy for him, and in itself help him to settle down.

Distractions work very well with toddlers.  So, I guess if the staff of the nursery are good, they would take the effort to draw your child into class, thereby permitting a less emotional separation for yourself and him.  Good luck.  Tell us how it goes.

[This message has been edited by How About? (edited 22-02-2005).]

[Moosmum]

When my daughter first went to nursery, I explained to her for several days in advance what was going happen. We got some chidren's books about going to nursery and read them to her and then when the day came, took her in and got her settled, told her how lucky she was and that she was a big girl now and how I wished I was as lucky as her.  Gave her a big smile and a wave and told her I would be back soon and left.

First day was fine, no tears, second and third day was like I was dropping her off at the gates of hell and forth day onwards was fine (of course there were a few days afterwards when we had tears, especially after holidays) but the most important thing was that we had chosen a great place and she loved it.  Also we had taken her to the place twice before to at least meet her teachers/carers so she wasn't totally dropped in at the deep end.  I am sure your nursery would accommodate that, if you have done it already.

Good luck!

[GS]

Hey AAsa

went through the exact predicament just a mnth ago. needed to do some studying myself.. and having an actice curious 18mnth was not helping .. :>

put him in a playgroup for 2/3 hrs every alternate day.. which didnt work because the intermitent staying at home was making him confused.. soon switched to every day.. 930 to 1200....

and belive me the whole game is to just hang on... 1.5 mnths..and today he says bye before going to school !!.. of course i would hide behind the windows and peep since i thought the teachers were mistreating him (ha)...but trust me the interaction with other toddlers has sure done him good. plus he seemed to pick some more eating habits..(he been finicky always ..)

so just brush those 'is it too early' feelings aside... and dont let him know ur there.. cause then he wont stop thinking of u... his distress will only be temporary.... they have a heart wrenching way of forgetting things and enjoying themselves :>

lastly, when u go pick him.. he sure will cry a lot.. apparently thats cause of all his pent up feelings... :>
take care
and let the fun never end :> gs

[This message has been edited by BoardManager (edited 23-02-2005).]

[AAsa]

hi,
thanks for your kind replies. I guess that I am not the only mom in the world who has to deal with this.

To also 18 months... we live at the Far Upper Eastcoast where not so many expats hangs, but if you don't live close I would not consider it.

[This message has been edited by BoardManager (edited 26-02-2005).]