important talk

[/concerned]

What age is appopriate to start talking about erm...."the birds and the bees"?

[Answer]

Before the school does it! Ask when your kids' school starts their "education" program on this subject and pre-empt it with how YOU want your kids to hear it. Worked for us... Our kids kind of knew that babies came out of their mothers' beliies since they were teeny but the kaboom eureka stuff came later. We didn't want them to hear it from strangers at school for the first time.

[Expat43]

Hi there!

There are several good books available  which are 'age appropriate' that are geared toward growing up and sex.  Our personal experience, with our two (now teenage) boys, was at about age 9, we sat down and read with them one chapter from the book each evening and then have a discussion on the topic afterward.  This included both Mom and Dad, so that both children would hopefully be comfortable in discussing anything in the future with either or both of us.  

The book which we used was purchased in the U.S. at Borders.  I am not sure if the Borders here in Singapore carries the publication or not, but if interested, you could try calling them.  The book is titledd Asking About Sex and Growing Up by  Joanna Cole.  It is geared towared ages 8 and up and my opinion is that the book was an excellent source of information.

You may want to start with this publication or one similar to it.  Then just keep the book on hand for years to come and have them perhaps re-read it when they get a little older, or simply keep it in a place where the adolescent may have access to it in case they wish to refer back to the book privately.

Best wishes to you and your family!

If you cannot locate this particular book, feel free to e-mail me, as my copy does reference other publications as well that may be of help.

[This message has been edited by Expat43 (edited 06-08-2006).]

[This message has been edited by Expat43 (edited 06-08-2006).]

[Another Answer]

A lot of the schools do sex education around age 10/11 - by which time many girls are devloping and they all know a lot already. Also, few curriculums cover personal anatomy until they cover sex at age 11.

I would suggest that the moment your child starts to ask, or starts to develop, or when other children start to discuss it - you need to start with the basics. For some kids this can be as young as 9 nowadays.

Don't feel you have to cover the whole topic - start with body awareness, then move to change and sex as they get older.

Good Luck!

[/concerned]

thank you for all the replies but my daughter is only 9 an she already has a 11C chest and she's asking a lot of questions so how do i explain?

[I was like your girl...]

I was like your daughter - a growing chest at aged 9 and full-on puberty with all the trimmings (hormonal and otherwise) done and dusted by age 11.

My mum didn't cope well and i found out everything she should have told me from a friend who had a very hippy type mum (she explained the birds and bees to her daughter with some extracts from The Joy of Sex for goodness sake!!).  My mum's response was to buy me a couple of books (one about periods the other, a beautifully illustrated book about pregnancy mainly).  They were given to me in a carrier bag and never spoken of again.  

When the time came for periods I told her and was given a warehouse sized box of sanitary towels so I didn't have to ask again for any for about 2 years and when I started having sex with my boyfriend many years later, it was my grandmother who came with me to the clinic to get the pill.

The moral of the story I guess being that I never felt comfortable talking about any of these things to my mother and I trace it back to how she dealt with my puberty at such a young age.

Yes its tough to talk about adult things with a young child, but her body is changing and right now she needs more than anything to know that she can ask her mum anything (and i mean anything because unlike the 13 years olds going through this together, she is all alone - none of her friends are going through this and you can bet she isn't asking them if this or that is normal!)

Taking the lead and starting the conversation is tough but bite the bullet , its just a new stage of parenting.  The little girl isn't lost forever, but the bigger girl soon to come is making her slow debut and needs help.  I have a sister 18 years younger than me and I was the one she put all her questions too at about 9 years old.  

I concentrated on talking to her about how all girls go through this, but at different times.  That whatever she thinks, what is happening to her body is normal and nothing to be scared of.  As for the birds and the bees, well be prepared - buy some books but obviously read them first and use them as a tool to aid your talks to her.

Just enter "where do babies come from" into the Amazon.com website and you'll find a whole selection of books, esp stuff aimed at the late primary age.  They do deliver worldwide if you find a book you can't get in singapore yourself.

Be proud of yourself for looking for help in approaching this sensitive subject with your daughter - I'm sure it will all work out just fine. x

[/concerned]

Thanks , really,....I am so grateful for all your advice and i have just started talking to her.