leaving kid with helper ok?

[2square]

wondering what you all think about parents leaving  young kid with trusted family helper for a few days so they can enjoy time away. i never thought i'd do it but am sensing the need for it and feeling better about it the more i think about it. friends back home can not relate so thought i'd ask here. i guess that means i'm still a little unsure about how ok it is!

[off]

well, obviously it depends on the age of the child and just how trusted and familiar the helper is!

FWIW I wouldn't do it unless they were over 8 (a "few days" is just too long for me to be away from them and presumably would mean going some distance away so I wouldn'tenjoy it). But after pestering by the husband I did leave them overnight and it was fine (but only because our helper had been with us for a long time)

[probably no]

agree with the above poster. First, you have to really trust your helper. Assuming that you do, you have to consider if she is capable of handling any emergency since you will be more than a phone call away. For example, your kid may fall and starts bleeding, do you trust her to handle that situation?

However, if you really think you need the time away, I would suggest lining up helper for your helper. Give her letters of consent to take the kid to the hospital. Or line up one or two friends/neighbors for emergency. Give her a list of things that you usually do at night with the kid so she can handle the night shift. etc. etc.

good luck

[never]

I know how tempting it is but I have made a decision that I will never leave my two young children with my helper while we go away for a few days, no matter how capable she is and how much I trust her.  I do not think it is fair to place so much responsibility on her - what if something did happen, how would you and she feel?  I personally would never, ever forgive myself for not being there, even if there had been nothing I could have done to prevent any calamity that might occur.  At the end of the day they are our children and the buck stops with us.

The only time I would consider it is if the grandparents were here to supervise - family members are different to a helper/maid, however much you may trust her.

[Can do it]

we've done it - we left our two year old for two nights just before no. 2 was born and it worked fine.  We do really trust our helper and we have friends who live round the corner who would be able to help out in any emergency.  It worked v. well.  Not sure I'd be quite so happy about it now I have two under 3, but when they're a bit older I'll do it again.

Having said that - we did spend alot of the weekend worrying everything was ok at home!

I'd advise going somewhere where there are lots of flights back to sg so if somethign were to happen, you could go back quickly.

ANother alternative that friends have done is to take some time off when they've got relatives visting, but its been more important for me to see the relatives so we haven't tried that.

good luck!

[maybe]

I have left my Junior school age child with my helper for a couple of nights on a couple of occasions, but after careful preparation. First I sent her on a one week accredited first aid course, not because I thought it would make her an expert, but so that in an emergency she would be less likely to panic and do completely the wrong thing.
I also lined up friends as guardians, complete with letters of consent for medical treatment etc. I also arranged for them to drop by and make sure everything was OK. Helper and guardian had all our contact details, and each others', doctor's and dentist's contacts, school contacts etc and we did dry runs to our GP and nearest hospital so she knew exactly where to go. She is familiar with temprature taking after SARS. We drew up a detailed timetable for school, after school activities and what needed to be in the schoolbag each day. Lastly we arranged playdates and homework supervision at a friend's home after school, so our child was mainly just going to sleep at home in our helper's care which he prefers to sleeping over at a friend's place. It really depends on whether your child will cope with your absence and the competency of your helper and other adult support you put in place. Some people will never leave their children in anyone else's care until adulthood, others choose to or have to. Only you can decide what is OK for your family.

[i think!!!]

it would really depend on your relationship with your helper and how much you trust them. if you have left your kids in the care alone overnight before, if your kids are comfortable with your helper.

As to our experiences they are not really relevant. One would suspect that if you have opened the question to this forum then you yourself are uncertain about the idea (even though you really want a break) and therefore it is probably not a good idea....

are there not any friends that can help and you return the favour later??

[personal]

I think this is very much a personal decision, but since you are asking for peoples views, I'm happy to give mine.  If you have to leave the country for an emergency, eg. sick relative, funeral etc, then you may have a good reason to leave your child in your helpers care.  If you are merely going for nice break, then this is not a good enough reason to leave your young child in a foreign country with someone else.  It will probably be ok but if something did go wrong - drowning, swallowing poisons etc, you would not want to be several hours away, hoping that your helper had done the right thing in your abscence.  We'd all like a break from our children once in a while but that's a luxury, not a right.  If you can't get grandparents or friends to come and supervise then I would say you shouldn't go.  It's just not worth it.  

[legal?]

I have not left my children with my helper yet for a holiday, as a few of my friends have mentioned that it may be illegal - this really isn't why I am not doing it, but it does push my rationalising over the limit.  I haven't bothered to check if it is true, maybe it isn't but you may want to give your agency or the relevant government body a call.

[Compromise]

Personally, haven't gone away and left our son alone with helper. Waiting for grandparents to be around before we do that -partly to supervise (agree better if a family member is around) but also so it's fun for our son to be spoilt by them and spend some quality time with them if we're away for a couple of days.

That said, I would consider and have plenty of friends who have done an overnight in a luxy hotel in Singapore/Sentosa just to have some couple time but you can be home within 20 mins if there's a problem.

How about giving that a go? Apparently there are some great deals for singapore residents -late check out/complimentary dinner/breakfast -that kind of thing.

Hopefully best of both worlds. You sound like you need a break but don't need to stress about being away...

[maid mary]

Think about how you feel when if/when your spouse is traveling and leaves you with your child(ren).  It can be very trying, and they are your children.  Now what if you are just the helper, and they are not your children.

I'm not saying don't, because it is a personal decision based on many factors.  However, I do think that if you do, then perhaps you should give the helper some time off when you return from your holiday - I am sure she needs it as much, if not more than you.

[hibiscus]

It does depend on your relationship with your helper, and her level of experience. She would probably say that she could manage, but you can never be sure. I once left mine and went to Sentosa for 2 nights. It wasn't too difficult because we felt that we were just a short drive away. I have also left mine with the helper and the grandparents to supervise when I was in hospital.

My golden rule during these times was to forget the housework, minimise cooking, and just keep a very close watch on the kids, not letting them out of her sight. The children's safety was primary.

Hope you do get a break since you feel you need one. You might end up worrying about the kids a lot, which happens when you leave younger kids.

[2square]

yes, you all are reinforcing why i posted in the first place!! funny because i thought i'd get quite the opposite response since i hear of people doing this a lot.  so much that i was thinking we're the only ones that are so hesitant. thank you for sharing. bummer about the holiday though!  

[GlobeTrot]

Just thought, how about taking a break somewhere that offers babysitting/kids club with experienced & supervised staff or even take your helper with you.

Hopefully that will allow you to relax away from home yet know what your kids should be up to and still pop in to check-up whenever you want.

[mamalove]

I too was considering leaving my toddler for a weekend and do know plenty of people who leave their young kids here,for sometimes weeks!
I've never been comfortable with the idea(hubbie thinks it will be fine....)as I just know that our help is not responsible enough but I still try to talk myself around to the idea.
Anyway,after reading this thread I ahve made a descision and I won't leave my child  with the maid.Every hotel has 2 bedroom suites with babysitting.That would be a very small price to pay compared to if somehting terrible happend.......