Almost two and still can't talk

[buttman]

We're worried about our second son. He'll be two years old next week, and he still has a very limited vocabulary -- largely confined to Mum, Dadad, Bye, Okay. Based on most development signposts for kids his age, he is way behind. He can't form simple sentences, he doesn't build blocks (but he loves scattering and smashing anything that his elder brother has built). He is also quite small for his age. His height is about that of a 12- to 18-month-old.

His elder brother, on the other hand, was a bit advanced for his age and is now a talkative, highly articulate, tall-for-his-age four-year-old.

The thing is, we thought the younger one would have the edge in terms of growth and development since he has no qualms about eating fruits and vegetables and just about anything else (unlike his elder brother).

But he's physically much more active than his elder brother, with very good motor skills.

Are we worrying needlessly, or should we consult a specialist?

[funkev]

Was he premature by any chance .... if he was judge him by when he was suppose to come out, rather than when he actually came out.

Regardless, all those charts and numbers you see regarding when children should be doing certain things are averages - - and knowing statistics, there is variance around those averages ..... so there is no one set age, but rather a general range that we expect certain developments.

If you are really worried, call some expert.  But he may just be on the later end of the average range of developments.

BTW, he shares only 50% of the raw genetic material with your older son (plus the environment affects gene activation, etc) - - so don't expect them to be similar in these respects (don't use older son as guidepost - he might have been earlier in the average range).

[This message has been edited by funkev (edited 12-08-2002).]

[HaileysMom]

Funkev is exactly right. All the charts & everything are just averages & don't account for people slightly above or below. As for the talking, I have read that sometimes younger children talk less & later because they have an older sibling to communicate for them. You may very well be worrying for nothing, but as a mother I feel it is best to err on the side of caution regarding my daughter. If nothing else, it will give you peace of mind that your child is doing fine. Take care!

[SoSo]

Don't worry. My first daughter was awful at talking and wasn't until she was nearly three that she became "normal". But heck - she's 19 now and you can't stop her... yabba yabba yabba all flippin' day long! Second one was much quicker though.

On the contrary, my third who will be 2 next month is pretty good in Japanese and does make up basic sentences (not brilliant grammar though) which surprise us at times. Her English has recently begun to come through as well - though is probably 3-4 months behind Japanese which she hears all day.

Seriously - it'll all come together in time without affecting any mental development.

[buttman]

funkev, HaileysMom and SoSo,

Thanks very much for the reassuring words and the advice. I will let my wife read your posts so she can sleep better at night.

I certainly can sleep more soundly now.

[Mumof3]

If you'd like some reassurance or ideas, why not bring him by the baby clinic at the Mother and Child center in Tanglin Mall?  I realize that it's for babies, but the women who run it are all nurses/ midwives and should have experience with slightly older childen as well.  I always find them very helpful and reassuring there.  And it's cheaper and easier than making an appointment with the pediatrician.

My personal experience with speech development is that there are still many kids who don't say much at two.  If they turn three and it still has not developed then- and only then- might I start to worry.  How is he with verbal (non-physical) instructions? If you say to him that he should pick up a ball and bring it over to you (two-step command) would he understand that the instruction (whether he feels like doing it is another matter)?  I'd have to consult my book, but I think he should be able to handle three-step (or even more) commands- the verbalisation is not as important as the comprehension at this stage.  You could also look at how you speak with and interact with him- the theory that second children are slower with speech is based on the idea that we, as parents, don't have as many direct conversations with our number twos as we did with our number ones (because our attention is now split between two, plus we are stressed in general, etc.) and, therefore, they have less opportunity and encouragement to respond with speech?!? This has not been the case with our family- our number two (and only girl- also a factor?) spoke the earliest of all three.  Number three now consistently uses about six words (at 14 months).  Hope this is helpful!

[KathyT]

Albert Einstein didn't talk until he was almost 4 years old.  

You might want to look into some books by Thomas Sowell about late talking children. And then perhaps find a good doctor to check him out, if you still feel uncomfortable.

Also, the following is a link for some basic things to look at:
http://www.scholastic.com/smartparenting/experts/reading/3_5_latetalker.htm

[Loops]

Second children are alot different than first.  My first was really quick at everything - she was talking, crawling, walking, potty trained........just about everything you can think of, fairly early - then along came the second and everything seemed to happen later for her, I only got her potty trained this Easter and she was well over two and a half when she mastered it.  

She was 2 years old last July and I seem to remember that she was hardly talking back then, but now I can practically have a decent conversation with her (which is good because some days, they seem to be the only people I speak to!  )

Like your son though, she's much more physical than my eldest - she's alot better at climbing and running.

While my eldest is happy to sit around painting and drawing, the younger one prefers digging up the garden or destroying something precious of mine or my other daughter's!

So that's my experience, but if you're still concerned about him, then I'm sure a visit to a doctor or health visitor will put your mind at rest.

[Orange Jus]

My kid who's 2 plus is similar to yours. He's 2.5 n has confined vocab too. To my knowledge and from hearsay i've heard :boys are generally slower, some begin to talk at 4 yrs old others as late as 5.So i am not that worried. When he's going for his 3rd yr.check-up it'll be a right timing to consult the paedietrict or the gp.

Really, it never really bothers me as long as he did not reach the max.period limitation.

[Happy Face]

Two of my nephews did not follow the "normal"
pattern for talking either. One of them did not talk until he was nearly four and the other "babbled".

Surrounded as they each were, by numerous siblings and similarly aged cousins who were actually very articulate for their ages and  "expected" developmental stages, their lack of progress in the communication department was very noticeable.....

I remember having long conversations about them with various members of the family. We were all very concerned and we were so worried.

We wondered how they were going to go, why they were so different, whether we were doing something different or needed to do something different and what was it going to be like for them if they were still so far behind by the time they went to school?

Well, when the one who had delayed speech  did start talking at four, he turned out to be a very thoughtful chap and his speech was immediately age appropriate and we haven't looked back since. I still remember my first conversation with him, because it really was a two way affair about cricket, believe it or not! He is now 24 years old.

The other is now 13 years old and very, very articulate and well spoken.His teachers have suggested he go in for drama, because he enjoys presenting to the class so much. He did see a speech therapist for a year or so around the age of five.

I have 18 nieces and nephews and remember just how concerned we were and how scarey it was when some of them missed designated developmental stages. They have all eventually hit the marks, with no signs now of where the delays were. They were all really different from each other and looking back I can see how everything did "fit" for each them in terms of who they are and how they are. Kids are really,really different from each other.

On the size track. In one family there is a very large discrepency in size between boys,6'2', 6'4' and the other is 5'7'. In this case, the smallest is also gluten intolerant, which can make them very small with the lack of nutrition that accompanaies it. He did not discover his intolerance until he was in his twenties. There are many sites on gluten intolerance if you want to check the possibility out. Having said that, while GI can and often does affect size, making for small children, it doesn't always have that affect, even if you do have it and my nephew does have alot of Irish acencestry with restrictions in the height department. Maybe the others just came out with the dutch genetics when it came to height.

I would also like to echo the other posters.

Keep yourself informed and if you are worried or just feel the need to cover that base, see a specialist.

Peace of mind is a big thing.

Nagging doubts are a curse!

I wish you, your wife and your sons all the best!

[mcfly]

Buttman, I wouldn't be overly worried yet - all children are different, and most children do learn to speak when they are ready. However, it may be a good time to check on your own behaviours, just to be sure they are not contributing to the lack of speech. With more than one child, time can be very stretched (hey, even with only 1!!)so it's very easy to respond too quickly to a point or a nod of the head, without waiting or encouraging your little one to use words. It can also happen that the older child interprets the younger ones body language etc, so the need for words is diminished. Also, be sure your child is hearing OK - a little fluid in the ear (from colds/runny noses etc)can cause intermittent hearing loss, which can wreak havoc with language development. I'm not saying that either of these scenarios is the case here, just that in my experience with young children, both can lead to delayed onset of speech. Hopefully soon, you'll be wishing your son would stop talking!!! Good luck.

[Arbee]

My son started talking late too.I was so worried that I took him to a speech therapist . I was told not to worry & sure enough he did start talking soon enough around 2 yrs or so. However he does have a mild hearing deficit which  was responsible for his delayed speech .

[Russkie Dragon]

Back home we have a joke. Hopefully it will give you a little optimism. Here goes!  

There once lived a couple who had a baby boy. They were very happy together, and all was well, except for one thing: the boy didn't speak. His parents were at a loss about what to do. They took him to all the experts and everyone confirmed that everything was ok with the boy. His development was on track, he passed all the tests, but he just wouldn't utter a word. This went on for years and years, and everyone got used to living with a mute boy. Then one day, when the boy turned 13 and the family was having a party for him, he looked up at his parents and said,loud and clear: "Mom, there's a fly in my soup!" The parents were ovewhelmed! They thought their son would never speak, and here he was, speaking very clearly for the first time in thirteen years. When the parents overcame their joy, they asked the boy: "Tommy, you can speak! But why did you keep silent all this time? We were so worried!" And Tommy said: "Well, everything was ok so there was nothing to talk about until I saw the fly in my soup."

Good luck  

[buttman]

Haha!

That sounds like what my younger son might just do!

Thanks everybody for the tips and reassurances. We have decided not to consult a speech therapist -- yet. But we will talk to his pediatrician. The ear infection might partly explain things, so is the suggestion that we may not have devoted as much time talking to him as we did to his elder brother. Or he may just be another Einstein!

He is celebrating his second birthday tomorrow (Aug 17). But we're not as worried as before, thanks to your posts.

And if you happen to be at the zoo tomorrow and chance upon two harassed parents struggling to restrain a frisky, small-for-his-age babbling little rascal (with a big-for-his-age four-year-old who just can't keep his mouth shut), that'd be us.

And if ever my son stumbles upon a new scientific theory that'll put Einstein to shame, you all shall be the first to know.

Thanks a gazillion.

[rc2]

There is a good book about speech development written by Speech Pathologists, called Learning to talk, Talking to learn. Sorry don't know the author. It is written with parents in mind, and gives plenty of ideas. Good luck