17 yrs old boy's night hang around

[Mrs. Iris]

Recently our 17 years old boy enjoy hanging around with his friends and often comes home around midnight or leaving home 9 pm.   he is a good boy and always tell us who he hang around with.  But we concern about he is out such late at night.   When we talk about this, he always say everybody in his school (International school) do this and its embarrasing if he need to come home by 10 pm or have curfew, or even call home when he is late.   We're not American but came from small town  in USA where there's no such place to hung around late at night  for kids, so concern this situation.   I know Singpore is a safe place but do you think its very normal here if the teenager kids hang around 10 or 11 pm?  Your kids have curfew?    
Thanks for your opinion !

[And...]

Yes, this is entirely normal.  If all he's doing is hanging out with his mates, perhaps drinking a little beer and looking at girls, you're lucky.

When I was growing up in Sydney we were already doing some very illegal things at that age.

So long as he's a smart person let him have some space.  Getting drunk then crashing the car, or getting a girl pregnant, are possibly the biggest concerns.

[no way Jose]

I respectfully disagree.

Your boy does not pay mortgage, buy food, pay for his schooling, nor is saving hard earned cash for university.

THose three plus hours a night "hanging" out with his friends can spent with the family working on fun projects and family bonding. Or nights should be spent cathcing up in school or getting ahead. Friday and Saturday night? Sure, he needs to increasingly take responsibility for himself. But did he earn the money to go and hang with his friends? Doubftfully.

But this notion that it is up to him is ludicrous.

But I will say one thing in his favor, if you the parents and your other children are spending evenings watching television continuously, hanging out with YOUR friends playing cards or mah jong, or sitting around doing nothing but getting absorbed in your own world, then let the kid go out. Such a home environment is giving him zero value added. Subsequently, going out with his friends can be a much needed chance to relax or socialise.

[Do you know the way?]

Sig Heil!

[veteran]

This is pretty normal behaviour for a seventeen year old and if this is your only ‘problem’ then I would go with the flow.

Remember that in a year or so he will be at a university and then he will be entirely on his own and able to do anything he likes. Much better to loosen your control gradually provided he is acting responsibly which it sounds like he is.

[no way Jose]

Good grief!! Hanging out until midnight on weekday nights is normal behavior?

I don't think so...

Cruise up and down Orchard at 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. The teenage crowd gets progressively thinner. 10pm is reasonable. 11pm? Midnight? Save late nights for the weekends, with the occasional exception. Studies shows that teenagers don;t get enough sleep. Well,...no wonder!!

Yes, progressively loosen the reigns, but do it responsibly. I am incredulous that this is even a debatable issue.

[veteran]

Jose:

Well the OP didn’t say it was weekday nights so perhaps you are jumping to conclusions.

Like many posts of this type the amount of info provided is a little sketchy for a fully informed answer.

And what, pray, Jose, are you doing cruising ‘up and down’ orchard road so often?

[StarzNStripes]

veteran,
that's why I qualified my two cents.

When in the Orchard area, I generally walk. And I have odd hours, usually late. And it always struck me that in Sing, as compared to other cities in Asia, that the streets tend to clear out fairly early.

[Normal]

Let's all think now... when we were 17 in our respective countries, what were we doing? By the sound of Jose, not much! Either that he/she is in TOTAL denial! Ha!
In any case, each teen is differenent. How much faith do you have in your upbringing of your child? Do you have trust? I know that there is alot of peer pressure out there. With that in mind, have a "written contract" with the rules that you want to set AND a clause that says to the effect of "should I get drunk or things get out of control (trouble) I WILL call home for a ride" and on your side,  "should you call home for a ride, I WILL pick you up at ANYTIME with NO questions asks". We have to hope that we did the rigiht things raising them to make the right decisions.... after that, it's up to them.
Oh, staying out late is not bad... it's where they are that should concern you. Are they at the friend's house, movies, or at a bar. You could always offer your place at the "hang out" house!

[No way Jose]

Normal,
the problem is I did TOO much. While I agree that where they are is more important than how late they stay out, the OP already made that clear, right? The post did not say going to catch an 11pm movie or watching a movie at a friend's house, but "hanging out."

You obviously are not a parent. Trust is mutual and secure only when both sides have a common value system. Letting my children go out late into the night on any night of their choice ALL the time, really speaks poorly of how little I value their lives and future.

Life is not all about having fun. Perhaps for those very wealthy who then turn around and quander their parents hard earned cash.

Yes, loosen the reigns. But completely turning them over? It is one thing their increase in freedom is accompanied by increased reposnbility (say a part time job). But just to "hang out" late into any night of their choosing. Sorry, that is cowardly parenting.

[Curfew]

Trouble is, Singapore is an easy place to want to stay out late because it's always so warm.  when I was younger, we always hung out later in the summer than the winter, and time passes very quicky when you're hanging out with your friends and having a good time!  When I was 17, I was working weekends, so the money I spent, I had earned.  My parents were quite strict with me until I got to about 16 or 17, and then I was allowed to stay out later after that.  11.30pm was probably a normal time for me to drag myself into the house at that age, so I would say that, yes, for some people, 11pm or Midnight can be normal times to come home.

The thing is, it's entirely up to you.  My parents never let themselves be governed by what other kids parents did.  For example I had a friend who never had a curfew and I used to feel disappointed that I had to go home and she could carry on enjoying herself, but it didn't do me any harm - so if you want him to be in at 11.00pm, then tell him so and be firm about it.  There will always be a kid who can stay out later than other kids and I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to call him, or for him to call you if he's out and you want to know where he is.  Alternatively if you know the parents of the other kids, you could talk to them about it and see if you can agree a time for them all to have to be in to save arguments!

Basically, you could give him a bit of freedom, but come down hard on him if he breaks the trust by not doing as you say.  If he gets grounded a couple of times, he'll soon learn to respect your wishes.

[Lee Marvin]

Make sure he has condoms. You don't want the little thug make you a grandparent ahead of your time