night waking

[mickey]

My son is eight month now and still awakes at least 3 times during night, 4 or 5 times sometimes. One for milk but I cannot find reason for others. Also, he is crawling around on the bed sleeping. If anybody knows good tip to solve this night waking problem, please give me good advice. And if somebody has same problem as me, why do not talk to release our burden?

[mommy]

Hi! My six-month old also wakes about two to three times at night and only settles if I breastfeed her. I'm thinking of refusing to feed her at night, but I'm not looking forward to the screaming sessions....Anyone else have experience fixing this without major heartache? How long does it take?

[WAHM]

It's a tough one this. Tiredness is very hard to cope with. But their sleep patterns DO change, at 12 months you may find he can sleep through.

All babies move around a lot in their sleep, it's totally normal. Even at two years old I still find my daughter sleeping in all sorts of wierd positions ! I also find if she is tangled up in sheets and stuff it tends to wake her up, so she just sleeps in long pyjamas and I have the room around 24 degrees, no bedding.

It's also very common for babies to wake up lots of times during the night. Like adults they sleep in cycles, some deep sleep and some light sleep. Sounds like what is happening is your son is emerging from his sleep, waking up, and being unable to get himself back to sleep again.

What are your options ?

Do nothing and wait for him to grow out of it. He will, eventually.

Look at his sleep habits - how does he get to sleep in the first place ? Does he have a comfort object such as a blanket or pacifier or does he need to be rocked to sleep ? does he sleep with you or in his own room ? Basically you need him to be able to recreate the same conditions when he wakes up on his own - the more "self soothing" he can do, the better. Try encouraging him to fall asleep on his own when you put him down - you might need to stay nearby and stroke him or soothe him, but then gradually as the weeks go by you can move further away from his cot, but continue to talk to him, sing or whatever so he knows you are there. Eventually you shoukd find you can put him down and walk out of the room - he might play and fuss for a bit but will eventually fall asleep on his own. In my experience though 8 months is pretty young for this approach - at this age they still need a lot of cuddling and soothing to help them go to sleep.

Look at his room - is it too hot ? too cold ? does he have too many covers ? is it too noisy ? I found blackout curtains helped with the early morning waking (available from Spotlight)

Try one of the "sleep training" methods. The extreme is the "cry it out" method called Ferberising, where you put them down and leave them first for 5 mins, then 10, then 15 etc. Some people swear by it.  Another version of this is to go in and see him when he wakes but just soothe him briefly then put him down again. Don't smile or make eye contact with him as this will tend to stimulate him. At first you might have to go in and out a few times but eventually he will learn you mean business and it's time for him to go back to sleep.

Finally you could consider sleeping with your son. Some families swear by this and believe that everyone gets a better night sleep as the baby wakes up next to his parents, not alone in a cot down the hall, and can snuggle himself back to sleep before you even notice.  

One final tip - if your son has a pacifier he may be waking in the night because he can't find it and can't get back to sleep. I solved this problem by tying the dummy to a soft toy. It worked like a charm, BUT  now my daughter is more addicted to it than ever ! May be better to get him used to another way of soothing himself to sleep.  

I guess at the end of the day you have to experiment and find a solution that works for you. Every family I know has different ways of getting their babies to sleep and different ways of coping when they wake up, there is no "best way".

[Ferber fan]

Have you ever heard of the Ferber method?  Although many find it can be somewhat harsh but you can modify it beautifully for you and your child.  Worked for both of my boys.  

Good luck to you!  You both need your rest!

[This message has been edited by BoardManager (edited 22-07-2003).]

[to Mickey]

WAHM's advice is pretty spot on.  It sounds as if your little one can't just roll over and settle back to sleep at the end of each sleep cycle (about 1 - 1.5 hrs).  Some babies are better than others at this and though they can be "trained" it is a pretty heartwrenching (heartless??) experience.  
The "wisdom" behind the Ferber / Toddler Training method is that if you don't respond to your baby when she cries at night she'll eventually learn not to bother crying when she wakes.  The fact that your baby is at a stage when she can crawl around the cot means that it may be even harder to apply this method and you might find yourself waiting outside her room weeping yourself!!
You may well have gleaned that I don't like this method - in fact some of the Toddler Taming man's advice I think sails pretty close to abuse - a lot of it seems to suggest that your little baby is willfully manipulating you.  Do remember that this stage WILL pass - hard I know on a few hours of broken sleep a night.  Don't try and be Supermom, even if you can't nap in the day with your baby at least take the time to lie down with a book or watch something mindless on the tube.  Sleep deprivation is awful - trust me I'm in the same boat as you just now with baby no.3 after 2 that slept like logs - but as long as you don't need to operate heavy machinery you will come through this.
If you would like to chat with someone who's in the same boat leave some contact details and I'll get in touch.  Although I don't like controlled crying techniques for myself I recognise that they work for some and won't come over all preachy at you!!

[Ferber fan]

I disagree but to each his own.  My take on this method was it allows the child to learn how to fall asleep on his own (self comforting) instead of requiring comforting from a significant other each time he awakens during the night for reasons other than hunger, illness, wet diaper, etc.  As I said, this method can be modified and doesn't have to be a "heartless".  

I do agree that  taking care of yourself is very important.  Rest when you can.

[Rosie]

You might want to try using a sleeping bag (you can get cotton ones for the warm temperatures here).

Also, do you use a monitor?  When your baby wakes is he really screaming, or just moaning a bit?  Maybe you go in the moment you hear a whimper, when if you left him, he'd settle back to sleep by himself.

I'm also a Ferber fan, but it doesn't need to be heartless.  You are going in to reassure the baby every 5 mins to begin with (or less if you can't take that long), but you just don't pick him up.

Don't want to gloat, but my eight month old goes down at 7 p.m. and I rarely hear a peep out of him till 7.30 the next morning, so it is possible.  Admittedly he is now fully formula fed, but even a total breastfed baby of that age should only wake once if at all.

[dilly]

I'm a Ferber fan too, though I know some people don't like the idea.  It worked like a dream for my older son at 6 months;within 3 nights he was sleeping through having been waking randomly (anything from once a night to 4 times a night).  I used some of the ideas (very gently and much modified) with my younger son from about 6 weeks and he has slept solidly at night since  10 weeks (fully breastfed). Bear in mind that some children don't 'grow out of it'; I know people who are still night feeding 2 year olds and other 3, 4, 5year olds who still wake randomly at night and need various comforts to get back to sleep.  Some parents don't mind this, and I completely understand that; however, I was a much better mum once I had a good night's sleep.  It's worth having a look at the Ferber book even if you decide it's not for you.

[mickey]

Thank you for the warm words and a lot of advice! Though I do not really know Ferber methods, I tried similar methods suggested in Dr Wessbluth's book. That is not to pick baby up even if he cries and make him learn to return to sleep himself.
Things are, however, getting worse and worse. My son sleeps on family bed since he was born (for almost all Japanese it is really common) and he can crawl to me easily. It might be one reason I could not suceed with this method. Any way I will try Ferber method and other tips you all gave me. Rogie, I have never heard sleeping bag. Would you kindly tell me what it is and where I can find it?
Thank you again!

[compromise]

Do an internet search for Dr. Jay Gordon (paed).  He has a method for reducing nightwaking in children who are in a family bed.  It might work for you if you cannot bear the nightwaking any longer.

[YC]

When my baby was 6 mths he was down to juz one nite waking. But somewhere nearer to 7 mths he woke up 3 times a nite, screaming. We tried every method: giving him water, formula, dad holding him (tried not to nurse him to sleep). This went on for another 2 mths. Finally end of 8th mth, I gave in to ferberising him again. But the day he turned 9 mths, the nite that we wanted to ferberize him, he slept thru! I also read comments fr other mums that it's a common problem with babies around this age. Recently, my friend's dr. warned her of this problem and true enuf, her baby is going thru nite wakings.

good luck