Coping with infertility

[Depressed]

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 18 months and although we have recently changed doctors and are now seeing an excellent doctor at Thomson Fertility Centre, I'm finding it hard to cope and have become very depressed. I think maybe seeing a counsellor or joining some kind of support group would help me get through this difficult time. Does anybody have any recommendations?

[been there]

You will find a lot of support by googling for sites which have msg *** where you will find other ppl going through the same thing.

Another thing is to look at the bright side (yes, there is such a thing!) of not having kids. Try to change your mindset so that you can accept that you MIGHT be childfree ...so that if you do have a child, it would come as pleasant surprise, rather than get your hopes up time and again.

[nah]

do anything or everything to have a child...it is so brilliant that until you walk through that door you'rebeen half asleep most of your  life ....good luck!!

[J.Lo's lil Sista]

Depressed,

I know exactly how that feels. I have the same problem too, and trust me, it's a lot harder if you are trying after a loss, like I do. Talk to your doctor if you can, I do that a lot with my obs/gyn, otherwise get a referral for counselling if necessary. Online support groups or message *** will help a lot, you can find them via pregnancy sites (I do have a list, but I reckon it might get deleted if I post them here).  I know a lot of women get depressed trying... Another good way to cope is by finding an avenue to channel your energy, emotions etc. ie. writing. I started writing a lot after a recent pregnancy loss (a 'miracle', that's what doctors called my pregnancy), now I keep a blog or what one might call an e-journal. I know a lot of mommies who does that too. The bottom line is, find something to do to help keep your mind off things. Take heart, and know that there's a lot of women/couples out there who are going through the same thing... have faith.  

[JD]

Previous poster is right, you should try and change your mindset whether on your own or through joining a group. I spent 3 years having treatments and surgery for fibroids/endometriosis. I was warned my fertility could be compromised.
After I arrived in Singapore my hubby and I sat down and had a serious talk about whether we wanted to go for IVF but neither of us fancied it much so we decided to try and get comfortable with the idea of life without children. We decided to at least make an appointment to see an IVF Dr though and find out what was involved.
I made an appointment for the February then we went off back to Europe for Millenium New Year, visited friends/family and had really good drunken time. Then we booked a fabulous holiday to Tanzania for later in the year. We came home and I found out I was pregnant!
Of course the IVF appt and holiday got cancelled then. How it happened I have no idea-too much alcohol/too much jetlag? Go figure. (I personally think it was a combination of guiness/champagne and a electric blanket on the bed making it warm and cosy!)
It is true the more stressed/depressed you become doesn't help matters. You need to be comfortable with the possibilty of life without children and the fabulous opportunities that could bring you. Then you can go bonk each other without  it being motivated by a wish for reproduction and see where it gets you!
All the best and good luck.

[Pebbles]

i totally understand too. We have been trying for nearly 18 months. My husband has a very high sperm count and there seems to be no problem with me but STILL no pregnancy. The worst bit for me is not knowing what the problem is. I just constantly get told, maybe it's just one of those things or well it will probably happen one day - all things that are not reassuring me at all. I got very stressed about it all last month. Try and take your mind off things. i try and tell myself that every month that is doesn't happen is another month to improve my fitness and health so that when it does happen i will be in good shape.  

[Also Been There]

I too have been where you are. We tried for very close to 2 years. My regular OB could not find anything wrong with me after doing an HSG (x-ray procedure of uterus & tubes) and a hysteroscopy (he thought I had a fibroid - didn't). It was not until I finally went to a fertility specialist that we finally got some answers. Their best "guess" (for lack of a better term) was that I have polycystic ovaries. There is no real difinitive test for this condition and I do not have any of the obvious outward symptoms (ie: overweight/obesity, acne troubles, etc.). The doctor simply asked me if anyone had done an ultrasound to look at my ovaries. I guess since I did not have the obvious symptoms, no one thought to check.....even though I have had very irregular cycles from the time I was a teenager (also a symptom).

Anyway, after wasting much $$ on clomid (it never did a thing for me, although it might for you if you have not tried it yet), the recommendation was that I move on to injectable fertility drugs. We initially considered the injectables and IUI (intra-uterine insemination) but after learning that there would be absolutely no control over how many eggs I could release - thus how many could actually implant - and a low 20% success rate, we decided to spend the extra money and try IVF. IVF has a much higher success rate - about 60% at the clinic I went to in the US - and there is more control over the number of babies you could end up carrying (this is based on the number of embryos put in).

I responded quickly to the drugs and had 3 embryos transferred. Today I am quite blessed to be in my fifth month pregnant with twins.

The best advice I could offer is to read up and learn as much as you can and ask your doctor lots of questions - don't be passive - take as active a role as you can or you could get stuck in a general protocol that may not even apply to your situation. (But if you have not tried the simple things like taking clomid yet, do try because sometimes that is all it takes.) Often times it is the little simple things that get overlooked....best of luck to you!

[Pebbles]

Also been there and other dear ladies - perhaps you could give me some advice too.

I feel that I am going around the houses. i have been on Clomid for 4 months for low progesterone. It has done nothing for me. My prog has gone up and down like a yo yo. (10.3, 9.5, 5.6, 11.0). I will probably complete the course - but what then. As the above poster said I feel like I am just going thru the procedures without really being properly diagnosed. I am seeing a gyno at present and she's a good one. However i am a bit uncomfortable with going to her surgery - it's mostly 99% pregnant women - oh and me. I feel that she is mostly suited to preg ladies and doing smear tests. Perhaps this isn't her real area.
After this round of clomid should I really be seeing a fertility specialist? What do I do next?

One thing that i am doing to try and help myself is having acupuncture. The practitioner said that i have a blockage in my liver and spleen (it's nothing to really be that worried about) which affects the flow of good blood and hormones around my body. She's working on unblocking this and stimulating my ovaries to help me along and to assist drugs I am taking to be better recieved.  

[alternative therapies]

I have just heard about a herbal type drug called chasteberry - has anyone else heard of this before?  Apparently it is meant to be good for regulating hormones such as progesterone.

[Depressed]

Pebbles I know exactly how you feel about going to the OBGYN and getting upset by all the pregnant ladies. I too felt just the same. I was seeing a doctor at Raffles Hospital until just 2 months ago when my husband and I decided to ask for a referral to a fertility specialist and to be honest, this was the best thing we could have done. I felt like although my doctor was good for some things - he did a lap and discovered I had some mild endo and he checked my tubes were open - that really on the fertility issue he was just groping around in the dark.

I've been going to the fertility centre at Thomson for 2 months now and I can't recommend it enough. For a start, it's tucked away on the 5th floor away from the OBGYN clinics and you know that everyone else there is in the same predicament as you. The staff are really kind and my doctor is lovely and very proactive. He also makes you feel like he's got a real plan for you and this alone makes me feel much better. We've just started our third month of clomid and have done one IUI and will try again with that this month. For the past 2 months I've had 2 eggs which means more chances which is fine by me!

Maybe you should think about going to see an expert. Has your doctor checked to see if your tubes are open before prescribing clomid? It seems many doctors prescribe clomid without even checking to see whether there are other more basic problems. Also on the sperm count issue, it doesn't mean that because your hubby has a high count that everything is ok. My hubby did 5 sperm tests at Raffles and was told that although it wasn't high, the count was normal. In fact we have now found this not to be the case. the more detailed tests at Thomson have revealed that although he has ok numbers the motility and morphology are erratic and look quite poor. I feel annoyed that we were labouring under false impressions on this for so many months. On the progesterone point, has your doc also been prescribing progesterone supplements? I have been taking these for 14 days in the second part of my cycle as well and it's supposed to really help.

I also have been thinking about trying acupuncture - I feel very stressed out and will give anything alternative ago. where have you been doing this?

[WAHM]

Chasteberry is another name for a herb also called Agnus Castus or sometimes Vitex. It is a general tonic for the female reproductive system and is meant to be used to regulate erratic cycles. Also used postnatally sometimes too. Can't vouch for it's effectiveness thoug but you should be able to order online if you can't find it in Singapore - I have seen PMS type remedies with it in but not seen it in it's pure form.

[Pebbles]

Thanks for your notes depressed. I totally agree with you about the groping around in the dark. I have decided that i'm going to see this round of clomid thru and then I'm going to a fertility specialist. i also want some more tests done to see what the problem is. Where you are attending now sounds good, however I live in Hk now so I can't go there or recommend my acupuncture clinic as it is in HK also. However I am sure that there are lots of acupuncture centres in SP too. You may want to get your doctor to recommend one.

[Also Been There]

Depressed - Glad to hear you are working with specialists, I sincerely hope it all works out for you soon.  Stay proactive with the docs - that alone can help you feel a little better because it makes you feel like you are doing something.

Pebbles - I agree with Depressed's advice - move on to a fertility specialist. I'm sure it is not that your doctor doesn't want to help, it is just not her specialty. Best to get in with the specialists. It is true that they tend to hand out clomid like candy (especially if you are over 30) and they do it because it often yields results quickly, thus no need for further detailed testing, etc. I would finish the cycle you are on and then check into a specialist. As I mentioned in my first post, read as much as you can and ask plenty of questions, I found it to be very important to stay proactive with the docs. Very best of luck to you!

[Also Been There]

I forgot to mention in previous posts, if your docs have not done bloodwork to check your thyroid levels, be sure to have them do it. The thyroid plays an important role in fertility and pregnancy.  (You can do a google search on this and find many articles to read about it).

[Pebbles]

Mine hasn't done this. That will be on my list for the fertility specialist - thanks.