"Don't you have a maid...?

[Maidless]

When people see me out with my young children on my own, they feel compelled to ask me: “Don’t you have a maid/helper?” And when I answer, “No,” I then either get a look like: What, are you nuts? Or they feel compelled to ask me why I don’t have a maid/helper. (To which any response I give often seems clearly unacceptable in their eyes.) I’m new here and just wondering what this is all about. Thoughts/experiences?

[Hooty]

Funny ........... I'm always out with my son (alone) and have NEVER had anyone ask me this question.  Also, when out and meeting new people it has also never been bought up ..... and we do have a helper.

[never asked]

This was also my first reaction to your post.  I am often out at the zoo or the shops or the bird park etc with my two young children and I have never been asked if I have a maid - even though I do.  I am surprised you should get asked this question.

[Me too]

This has happen to me also.  When we used to live in KL, a woman told me I was so "brave" to have three children without a full time helper.  This came from another ex-pat Mom who was used to having full-time helpers and probably had them while growing up, too.    

[Maidless]

Yes, now I am even more surprised at being asked the question. Maybe I look woefully inept or something!!  

[me too]

I have been here for four years and have three children and I am frequently asked this question by other expats and locals, who usually go on to tell me to get a maid as it will make my life easier.  I wasn't aware that it was particularly difficult myself, just very busy but fun.  I don't know why people feel they should advise me to employ a maid when I have never advised anybody with a maid to get rid of them and I don't really care whether or not someone else chooses to employ a maid.  It's probably something similar to people with children telling those without that they should have some etc.  

Just tell them that you are too poor and that will soon end the conversation!

[whocares]

Seriously....who cares whether you have a maid or not?

[Ha]

I'm sorry but the original post sounds like a show off.  Oh I dont' have a maid, aren't I a friggin hero.  No one can believe it.  Blah blah.

Honey no one gives a damn.

[To Ha]

oh but ha, YOU seem to give a damn...

why else the vitriolics?

[hee ha ha]

Have to agree with ha on this one.  Somehow going maidless is seen by some as extra points for the "aren't I a perfect mother" brigade.

[Me too]

It's happened to me a few times - usually after I've hoisted baby, stroller and diaper bag into a bus. Never really bothered me though. I'm blessed with a non-fussy baby and a husband who doesn't really mind if the house is a mess some days. Not that it's anyone's business anyway....!

[Maidless Also.]

I've been here several weeks now and just have one son and do not need/want a maid. Had a few comments about having or not having a maid. I think you have to accept that it's common here. Saying this, it would be ideal to find other Mums with young children who don't employ a maid for their children. Seems June is a good month for most people to leave S'pore and visit their country of origin. Any suggestions?

[Carless]

I must admit I have never ever been asked whether I have a maid or not - I am often out with my kids, as I see a lot of people are.  The only issue would arise when friends ask you out at the spur of the moment in the evening and there is a babysitting issue.

I used to get asked all the time 'don't you have a car?'  Now that I do however, I tend to think it, but don't ask that  of poeple I see arriving in taxis.  

I guess that once you have had a maid, and a car, you see the benefits and can't understand why someone doesn't take advantage of making life easier.  Having said that, I was here for 5 years before acquiring either and thought I was quite self righteous not conforming to the way everyone else did things.  These days though I look back and wonder why I made it so hard for myself for so long.

[me too]

Well, obviously people do give a damn or they wouldn't keep asking.  As for being a perfect mother, I hardly think so!!  Actually our apartment is a bit too small to want to house another adult in it, and the privacy issue is the main factor in not getting a maid.  If I lived in a huge house with it's own quarters I would get a maid.........unfortunately we are too poor..........

[Carless]

To 'Me too' .  I don't think people really CARE that much, but if you think they do and you don't like the reactions you get from strangers presumeably, then why  not say ' yes, I have a maid, but she is on holidays...can't wait for her to get back'.  If it is the reaction that bothers you the most, change your repsonse and it could change the reaction.  I don't promote 'lying' as such, but it could be worth a try....