Toddler keeps coming into my bed

[Yearning]

My toddler keeps coming into my bed at around 4 am. Just slips in very quietly. I love the nearness but since I get to sleep at around midnight I'm not getting much sleep!
I've tried cajoling, threats, promises, rewards, stickers, but nothing seems to work. How can I stop him from doing this?

[abc...]

How old is he?

You could try telling him that if he needs something that he is to call you rather than him coming to your bed.  Then you could work on minimising that gradually.  But unlikely to work if he's still quite young.

The quickest would be locking his door.  He may scream for a few nights but eventually will get the message.  Although not sure I'd do that myself.

Is he still napping during the day?  I did find that my son was waking around 3yrs, in the night when he was still having a long day nap.  When the nap was cut down he didn't wake at all in the night.

[mummmmm]

We had this problem for a short time with our second child - can't remember how old he was at the time, maybe around 2 years?

Anyway, he used to sneak in and crawl down in between me and my husband and go straight off to sleep again.  To cut a long story short, he just wanted the reassurance that we were there.  We made it quite clear that he could stay for a few minutes (up to 5mins) so that he didn't feel we were pushing him away, and then we very firmly took him back to bed, gave him a cuddle and a kiss goodnight and that did the trick.

We also demonstrated to him the baby listener that we still had in his room ie. we let him hear our voice through it.  This meant that he knew that if he called out in the night for something we would instantly hear him and he didn't have to worry that he was cut off by himself.

This phase only lasted a couple of weeks at the most.  I would just say that the most important thing is that you should be consistent - consistently take him back to his bed, even if he keeps on coming into your room and you have to get up half a dozen times to do so; once you give in and let him stay there he'll know it's possible and he'll keep trying to do it.

It's probable that he just wakes in the night, has a bit of a problem going back to sleep by himself and thinks Aha! I'll go and see Mummy!  Maybe skipping an afternoon nap might help, as suggested.  Maybe play a game, with him trying to help his teddy to go back to sleep?  I used to sing a lullaby (badly!) to my boys and I found in the end that both my boys would sing it to themselves at night to send themselves back to sleep.  Conditioning is everything!

Good luck.

[Yearningtoo]

Same here. same problem as the OP. I got going to be 6 and going to be 3. Sneaked to our bedroom and sleep between my hubby and I. I am too tired to put them back to their own bedroom as I slept late ie. 12am-2am

We did try some of the above posts. We are out of our wits! My hubby needs more sleep than I as he is working long hours.

[Give Up]

Give up and get a bigger bed. That way you have room for visitors in the wee hours and you will get some more sleep. They will stop doing it eventually. We always had at least one kid make an appearance in our bed almost every night and it really didn't bother us at all. All part of the fun of being parents. We had a HUGE bed though!

[Three cents]

Kick Husband out to other bed. Give room for child. Worked for us for nine years.

[milky]

Our daughter wasn't ready for her own room until about 5. She slept in our room in her bed attached to ours, which worked fine, then graduated to a mattress on the floor, which she knew to pull out quietly when needed, so as to not wake us up when she came into our room. I think it's quite normal, and maybe children are wired this way. They sleep with their parents almost everywhere in the world, and I guess it makes them feel more secure. Make space, enjoy the closeness, it will be over all too soon.

[possum2]

Milky, how was the sex life for the 5 years she slept in your room?  Mine have all come in during the night at somepoint of time; nightmares etc, they are allowed to snuggle down, fall asleep then Dad will usually carry them back into their own bed.

[SR]

I'm for the big bed option.  That's what we did.  Ours still come in, probably 2-3 times a week, especially the youngest (9).  Like another poster said, it won't be for ever and you get to enjoy a closeness which'll be gone only too soon.  If one's away overnight, the other prefers to sleep with us and an alternative to 3-in-a-bed is a mattress on the floor.

[Yearningtoo]

Some of the advices from other 'posties' are funny. We have a big bed as well, a king size. But it seems we're feeling that it is getting smaller as our two kids are getting bigger. One is turning 6 and the other turning 3.  I think, our kids are looking for feelings of security and being close to us.  When they asleep, my hubby put them on their own bed but that's about late in the evening. Then around 3am/4am, they awake again and sneak to our bedroom. We are also long for our privacy as some other people mentioned - the intimacy which has been lacking since kids are always disturbing us.