unfriendly kids

[2kids]

My daughter is teo and half and was basically a very friendly kid. However since we moved to singapore, she has become shy and very scared of other kids. This is because the other kids in her condo don't want to play with her because she was new to the group. But it is almost an year now but they still start moving away when she comes to the plyground. If she goes near the slide they move to their bikes, she gets her bike they move on to something else.
While This didn't seem to bother her in the bgeinning, she used to continue trying to play with them, but a couple of days back one the boys actually pushed her down and said don't come near me. She was ionconsolable. All the while the maid (the boy's) just stood there watching.
I had to carry my daughter for nearly half an hour before she would calm down. I figured it is because she is not like them The children in the playground are all caucasians and she is an Indian. But how do children know these differences? the maids will greet every child other than my daughter. If they get munchies downstairs everyone will be asked if they want some, but no one will ask my daughter.
Of course I try to distract her and play with her, get her her own munchies, but is this what other mothers like me experienced. And she is actually a ver beautiful child and very pleasant and always smiling (not that it matters). I am concerned that this experience will scar her mentally for life. What should I do?

[larissab]

Perhaps you could find a new activity (a playgroup, Kindermusik, etc.) for her to enjoy?  We have unfortunately experienced a similar situation and I have found that a change of scenery works wonders for both the child and mother.

I have a 27 month old daughter who is also a bit shy.  E-mail me if you're interested in a walk at the Botanic Gardens or a similar outing.

[try]

So sorry to hear about this unkind behaviour towards your daughter. Don't think it's typical, as kids at our condo don't behave like this - good mix of europeans, aussies, Indians, Chinese other asians all play together. Kids sometimes behave in "packs", though, and sounds like this group have made it the group "game" to run away from your little girl - a form of bullying. Don't know what the excuse is for the unkindness of the care-givers, though, in also leaving her out. Could you try inviting  the other children one at a time for a play-date at your place? If they meet your daughter away from the others, they may just get a chance to know her better and become her friend. Otherwise, get out of the condo, join a playgroup or other activity group which you can both enjoy and meet a nicer group of people.

[trythis]

The next time when you are meeting these kids again and your daughter still likes to join why don't you simply ask the kids in a light-hearted way if she can join? Kids usually love this as they might be shy. Or you might even want to bring some toys along which they can all share and make some fun. This is also indirectly teaching your daughter of how to verbally make contacts and new friends.

[Loops]

It sounds to me like the other parents/maids might be as much to blame.  If they're deliberately missing your daughter out when giving out treats etc, then the kids will be picking up on this.  I suggest you take the bull by the horns and approach the carers directly - they'll probably be shamed by your direct action and realise that they have, in effect, been guilty of bullying a small child.

I get quite worried when I hear about people having problems like this when they move to Singapore, as I have not yet moved there, but will be in the next few months and I've got 2 kids - so I hope the kids in the condo we're moving to aren't too clicky.

Good luck and I hope your little girl finds some friends soon.