Just wanted to share this, its hilarious and SO true!
Pregnant and public property
November 1, 2004
Keep your mitts off my pregnant wife, pleads Karl Fletcher.
Pregnancy is such a life-altering experience. From the day the confirmation is made, you race out and buy mountains of books seeking advice on exercise, food, drugs, delivery, names, seating, sleeping, feeding, the list goes on.
But the one thing I'm searching for, I cannot find.
You see, I'm desperately seeking an explanation for the phenomenon that causes normally sane, respectable and socially responsible human beings to go nuts at the sight of a pregnant woman.
I speak of the greatest of all invasions of privacy, the tummy touch.
The woman sitting beside you on the bus, would you touch her? I doubt it, because society has certain rules about interaction and physical contact.
However, it seems that once that lady announces her pregnancy she instantly sheds any veil of protection, relinquishes her personal space and for 40 weeks becomes public property.
At the sight of a pregnant woman complete strangers award themselves the status of tummy toucher, helping themselves to a handful of another person's body that - given any other circumstances - would land them in handcuffs.
Advertisement
AdvertisementHow did we come to this? What chemical process takes place in the brain that blocks access to social graces? Are tummy touchers blessing the child, checking it for deformities, or just trying to cop a freebie?
As a newly pregnant husband I have been witnessing weekly, if not daily, invasions of what was formerly my wife's personal space. So much so that I've taken it upon myself to seek a small vox pop on this behaviour. To my surprise I've come across a great number of current or formerly pregnant women who, without exception, have expressed their disgust at being groped by people who normally would not go past a handshake.
Of even greater surprise was the revelation that none of them felt able to speak out, slap, punch, kick or otherwise abuse the groper due to society's perception that it is OK to grope a pregnant woman as long as you have a stupid smile on your face, engage in squeaky coo-coo noises and say "Aawww" a lot.
However, I must reveal that you, the groper, are doing nothing for the woman or the child. Chances are, she is disgusted by your audacity. You have just helped yourself to her body without her consent - a crime in most parts of the world.
If a woman tells me she has a Mintie in her mouth do I caress her cheek? Does her headache give me the right to stroke her hair in public? If she feels the need to pass wind do I find myself grabbing a fist-full? No, no and again, no.
But if you are pregnant pack away your privacy; you're on the market, you're public property.
To tummy touchers I offer this warning: if you have gone for the grope and suddenly found yourself being man-handled by a large hairy husband, remember this: if his wife has no right to privacy, neither do you.
