infant sleep problem

[YC]

Hi
My baby is 9 mths old now, started sleeping in his room at 6 mths. I used to have to nurse him to sleep in our bed and then transfer him to the cot while he's in deep sleep, but nap time, he'd sleep in our bed. At 5 mths, we decided to Ferberize him (not for nite wakings cuz we thought he may still be hungry and he only woke up once anyway). It was extremely tough but we succeeded. At 6 mths, we travelled for the first time. Boy, he refused to sleep on his own due to the change in environment so I ended nursing to sleep again. When we returned, we slowly let him get used to being home again and he was doing ok, happily went to sleep on his own at nite and would cry for few mins for naptime. But thereafter everytime we travelled I ended up nursing him to sleep. And ever since he could stand up in the cot, he refused to go to sleep on his own and would stand in the cot and cry for the longest time sometimes (yet he'd go to sleep on his own at times). He also wakes up 2-3 times at nite. We 've been giving him water and my husband pacifies him instead of me. After 2 mths, it hasnt worked. I'm trying to avoid Ferberizing him again cuz it's quite unfair to him. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to deal with my baby's sleep problem in relation to our travelling so often and getting him used to sleeping on his own in different environments?

[cookie kids]

I am so glad to see that someone is going through the same problem that I am....but feel sorry for you too!
Not sure what you mean by Feberize (is that like controlled crying?)
My 8 mth old son goes to sleep in his cot after falling to sleep on me (or my maid) or I feed him or pat him to sleep on my bed and then transfer him to his own cot - which is still in my room. When I go to bed, he wakes up (like he can smell me enter the room) and wails, so I bring him into my bed and there he sleeps for the night!
I never did this with my daughter (2 1/2) and she NEVER slept in my bed. I don't know what to do apart from put his cot into his own room, and do controlled crying for however long it takes. Every time I think about doing it, he gets sick so I think I will just wait...and so it goes. I eagerly await suggestions too (sorry to jump onto your post) but thanks for bringing it up.
CK

[try]

You could try a comforter of some kind which he always has wherever he goes to sleep. My son always cuddled up with the same cotton blanket when I was nursing him to sleep, it always went in his cot when he was going to sleep alone and it travelled everywhere with us. Wherever his "cuddly" was, he knew that was the place he was going to sleep and it felt and smelled familiar wherever he was (we travelled a lot too). The actual object can be anything, but helps if it is easily replaceable for the time you leave it behind on the plane or in a hotel cot. He only gave it up when he was 8 years old, but it was worth it for the sense of security it gave him in different places.

[Joanna]

Perhaps a musical toy would help aswell...
and his own 'plug-in- night light.

A sleeping bag may stop him from standing up so readily, it worked for my daughter.

We never travelled much with her when she was at that age, but imagine he get's quite 'disorientated'.  Can you take your own travel cot with you so he's in a 'familiar' cot?  (I know this may not be feasible).

Is teething a problem as well?

I'd go for the controlled crying method again - you know it works.

[dilly]

I agree with previous posters - controlled crying (as per Dr Ferber) is tough but it usually works.  We had similar problems with our elder son - we sleep trained him at 6 months, but every six months or so, due to illness, holidays, nightmares, potty training etc, we had to re-do the controlled crying.  By the time of the potty training setback, we were able to use a star chart to motivate him - 'if you stay in your bed all night for X nights you will get a 'toy of the moment'.  But for little babies, even if they do stand up and plead with you, I would really recommend controlled crying.  Also, when you travel, if you do it frequently, you have to be prepared to continue the programme when away.  Take a musical mobile/familiar soft toy/familiar travel cot and just make it clear it's the same routine even though the room is different.  If he wakes, comfort him briefly but don't change your usual habits re getting him out of bed.  Hope this helps and good luck.  

[AT]

I have a 14 month old son and he has been sleeping between my husband & I since he was about 3 weeks old.  We tried to get him to sleep in his own cot when we first brought him home from the hospital but he kept waking up in the middle of the night and wanted to be cuddled.  For the first 6 months, I used to cuddle him to sleep and he would just latch onto my breast whenever he felt like it.  I surrounded the edges of the bed with pillows to make sure that he never rolled off in the middle of the night.  Because I was so tired, I would just fall asleep with him in my arms whilst leaning against a few pillows on the bed.  He ended up sleeping through the night very quickly because he felt safe and secure and knew that I was cuddling him.  As he got bigger, I decided to let him sleep between my hubby & I.   At first, my husband wasn't too keen about this as he was afraid that he would roll over and crush our son in the middle of the night unconsciously.  But we are all used to it now and I have to say, we are all happy cos we all get a good night's sleep everynight.  The baby feels secure and often rolls over and cuddles me whilst I'm sleeping and usually sleeps for 10-12  hours straight.

We also find it really easy when we go travelling because he usually sleeps between us on the hotel bed.  Recently, we took him to Phuket for a holiday and he just went to sleep with us as usual.  We are taking him back home for Christmas to see the grandparents and hopefully, he will be able to adjust to the new bed there as well.

I know a lot of friends think that we are crazy allowing our baby to sleep with us but I really like having him cuddling up next to me and none of us ever feel deprived of sleep.

[YC]

Hi
Thanx for the quick replies, ladies. I'm in quite a desperate state.
Currently,most of the time when nothing works (and when I refuse to breastfeed him to sleep), we end up leaving him in his cot to cry himself to sleep anyway. So I told my husband (who is totally for Ferberizing) we might as well Ferberize him.
I dont think it's teething or anything else, but simply habit. He wakes up at same time almost every nite.
I wouldnt go with co sleeping, but you did point out a gd point. My baby might be feeling insecure due to seperation anxiety cuz he wakes up crying uncontrollably almost every time.(which he's going thru with me now)We've started putting a toy in the cot since few wks ago, hoping he'd get attached to it.
When we return to Malaysia, the problem is that we stay with my brother and he wont understand why we let my baby cry it out and also, it's not nice to wake up the whole household. So, we may 've to resort to staying in a hotel in future. (which may 've better sound proof)
Thanks very much and I DO WELCOME ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS and gd luck to other mummies!

[YC]

Dear Joanna & Dilly,
Juz realised I've another question.
Once the babies are Ferberized, how do we deal with them napping when we are out of the house, like in town shopping or smt? My baby doesnt fall asleep on his own in the stroller like some babies. Once I breastfed him and then put him in to the stroller. I do move abt based on his schedule but sometimes, it's just so difficult to rush around so much.

Thanks.

[dilly]

I don't think you need to worry about him falling asleep (or not) in the stroller.  Once you have done the Ferber stuff you know  that he knows how to fall asleep on his own in his cot.  If he doesn't nap in his pushchair, just put him in his cot later that day when you get back and accept that his routine that day is going to be disrupted.  My son (now 15 months) falls asleep in his cot at naptime if we are at home, but if we are out past the start of naptime he will often fall asleep in the car or stroller and I will move him to the cot when we return.  I'm lucky; he stays asleep.  My elder son always awoke and I would just have to put him down for a nap a little later.  Good luck!

[Ferber all the way]

Yep, Dr Ferber is the only way to go.  Had to do it all over again when my toddler went from cot to big bed but only took two nights - that was 3 months ago.

It really works a treat.

On the other hand for those mum's/dad's that are happy for their kids to wake up several times a night and/or let them sleep in the parent's bed then that's fine too but if you're not happy about any of that then Ferber works.