Why, indeed . . . Lighten up a bit

[Panama Hat]

It seems this Forum is getting decidedly hot under the collar, so here's something that might cool it down a bit - though some of you will have to take umbrage due to genetic defects:

DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
The chicken did not cross the road.
This is a complete fabrication.
In fact, we do not even have a chicken.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there may be potential for this chicken's capability, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

TONY BLAIR
I agree with George.

JOHN HOWARD
I agree with George and Tony.

KIM BEAZLEY
There is no challenge to the chicken at this stage, but if I were crossing the road .....

PETER HOLLINGWORTH (Governor-General)
I am not aware of any impropriety in the chicken crossing the road. In fact I am led to believe that it was the other way around and the chicken asked
for it

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

OPRAH
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it felt accomplishing its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens, crossing all the roads. You may say I'm a dreamer - but its not the only hen.

MICHAEL JACKSON
There's nothing more wonderful than sharing your life with a chicken.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and He said unto the chicken THOU SHALT
CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much
rejoicing.

[Fresh Mint]

You forgot a couple:

PACIFIST
I crossed the road?

ANTOINE
The chicken only appeared to have crossed the road. In your can -- which is bereft of knowledge --  it seems as if the chicken is now on the other side, but I was privvy to a top-secret meeting of some of the best thinkers in the world where they outlined the various scenarios that could take place once the chicken had decided what to do next. This link (www.absolutebull.com) will show you exactly how the U.S manipulated public opinion while this one www.headuparse.com   gives a clear image of the inside of my head.
Peace and cool runnings.

[This message has been edited by Fresh Mint (edited 31-07-2003).]

[Euro-Aussie]

 . . . and . . .

MancMan - 'cause he was an asswipe and that's my argument!  

Dolemite - USA!!USA!!USA!!  (No other reason required)

[Manc Man]

Oh Euro Aussie...that's so cruelly incisive and yet chillingly funny in a satyric, intelligent, post modern, metrosexual kind of a way....

No, really....

mm

[This message has been edited by Manc Man (edited 31-07-2003).]

[Euro-Aussie]

Glad you're taking it with humour - that's how it was meant.  

(Could it be that you are not too fond of our friend Antoine and his poetic prose . . . )

[Dolemite]

Joseph27:

Report alleges problems with model chicken inspections

A report compiled by the Research Triangle Institute (RTI) suggests that as many as 40 percent of chickens heading to supermarket from plants participating in an experimental "model'' inspection program were contaminated with sores, scabs and other defects.
RTI's conclusions are based on its examination of 14,000 chickens from seven processing plants participating in a new "science based" inspection program undertaken by the Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS). The program allows federal meat inspectors to oversee broader food safety issues at chicken processing plants, and permits line workers to perform some tasks previously undertaken by inspectors. RTI was hired by FSIS to monitor the performance of participating plants.

39 percent found defective

Dated September 26, the resulting RTI report indicated that of the 14,000 chickens it examined, 1.1 percent were diseased; 39 percent were found defective with sores, scabs, bruises or other processing defects; 18.8 percent were contaminated with material from the chicken's digestive tract; and 98.6 percent had other defects involving feathers, hair or oil glands that weren't properly removed on the processing line. RTI's findings were recently released to Scripps Howard News Service under the Freedom of Information Act.

However, reports of problems with the FSIS program began emerging in the media last summer. In August, FSIS administrator Thomas Billy held a press conference to defend the program, claiming "it raises the bar for food safety and other consumer protection concerns.'' He indicated that FSIS was putting a federal meat inspector at the end of each line to better detect defective chicken after they were processed. (The RTI report was based on its inspections of chickens that had undergone that process.)

Billy also used the press conference to blast union groups for misrepresenting facts to the media. At the time, the federal meat inspectors union complained that the program had made substantial alterations to traditional inspection practices, and that lines were speeded up to the point that they couldn't perform their tasks properly. Although the union has since lost a court battle to stop the program, it is appealing.

In addition to chickens, the model inspection program is being used at several U.S. turkey and pig plants. At press time, FSIS had yet to comment on the RTI report.
 

[pacifist]

Fresh Mint, what's your point?

Are you upset because I supported Anthony's proofs that the toppling of Saddam's statue was staged?

We are still waiting for your proof of the opposite, and of your evidence that you were on that famous square in Bagdad. LOL

Oh yes. You had forgotten your camera!   Give it up and stop trying to show off. You obviously don't have a clue.

[confusedcious]

POET - poultry in motion.

[DimWit Kid]

Yo, pacifist... just lighten up will ya? I don't agree with them either but this thread is meant to be humourous.

[musp]

ISAAC  NEWTON

1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.    
   Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another
   chicken, which went away from the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other
   side of the road.

[musp]

SINGAPOREAN

... Ayam cross'd .... ready ... lah

[musp]

INSURANCE AGENT

.... Ms Chicken,

Before you cross the road, I would like to introduce you to our new policy, which covers road accidents in addition to .....