revisiting the western women with local men thread

[captcrunch55]

hi,

i'm a local s'porean chinese guy who has had 4 relatively long term relationships. 2 with s'porean women and 2 with "western women' one was an english blond and another was a spanish brunette. i am currently dating a s'porean girl.

what i find amazing is that no one on this board even considers the prospect of dating local guys a possibility. SPG, western woman or whatever. granted i have only done a few days of intensive reading, but that is the impression i get.

i read the thread, "western women with asian men" and how tinky winky inadvertently hit a raw nerve with many members of the board. that was definately uncalled for.

my views: there is the stereotype of asian guys as being chauvanistic, narrow-minded, and general coathangers. there is also the stereotype of western men as being boorish, loud, insensitive and sex maniacs.

these are but stereotypes. true, there is always an underlying truth to all stereotypes but a very broad and general one at that.

perhaps the general trend for western women not dating local men is the fault of both sides. a certain biasedness generally speaking toward asian women by asian guys and an immediate assumption of asian men as being a cetain type by western women.

but that does not account for the unwillingness to talk on this topic. does it indicate to me a certain prejudice on this board by expats? if no one responds to this post then i am left, as does tinky winky, to assume that there is a prejudice  among expats toward asian guys.

so prove me wrong and post or flame away.

[get real]

Of course there is prejudice.

This board is full of white trash expats who cant see beyond their noses. Their own countries had no place for them so they come here to eke out a living.

They enjoy the money and other perks that come with living in Singapore. But that doesnt prevent them from bad mouthing Singapore and its citizens.

One look at their unhealthy unhappy red faces is enough to know why they need to drown themselves in beer at the end of every day.

[huh?]

I agree. They have long threads about how terrible the manners here are, how not nice the locals are, the horrendous taxi system, blah, blah, blah. These threads go on and on. All kinds of rude things are said on these threads. Nobody bothers to censor them.

Then you see an odd one popping up about the third grade expats that infest Singapore. Promptly someone wails out for the BM and its edited. Or even worse, its deleted.

Wussies.

[interloper]

I agree to a certain extent with the previous 2 posters.

There is always (in a place like S'pore) going to be an amount of bigotry & prejudice....not that different from most other places really. But because of the "lure" of cash & perks for some expats - they do their quota of moaning & groaning. But - that in a sense in fair - we all have bad days & this forum for many is a channel to vent/air out frustrations or nuances of annoyance.

What tends to happen is that the board quite often fills up with a cascade of "OMG" or "Why does..." etc etc.....S'pore quite is a cosmopolitan place....this leads to locals date expat thread which feeds upon the frustrations with other aspects of peoiple/society here & how they differ from each person's home (wherever that is).

Everyone has their grievances - let it be - but it would be more beneficial to not let the reader think that everytime someone posts they're not pulling their hair out.

Ummmm.....where's that wig..
'loper

[Allibert]

Sorry, but I have to say my bit again. Why does the original poster think that there's bigotry or biasedness if no-one answers.

The simple answer is that everyone meets new people all the time and spends time with people he/she likes or with whom that person has common interests. If these person does not spend time with YOU, it does not mean they are in anyway biased. The reasons why some white women are not interested in dating local guy has been discussed at length here. Get over it - you won't change anything with your post.

Instead of moaning, why not come to any of the many of the events organised on the board and see if there's anyone special you click with. That's the only way to find someone - after all I guess you're not trying to date caucasian women per se, are you???

And those who moan about all the money some people are making, forget it. Their companies obviously think they're worth the money whether or not this is the case. No amount of whining will change things.

[captcrunch55]

Sorry, but I have to say my bit again. Why does the original poster think that there's bigotry or biasedness if no-one answers.

(no. people answered. but not to the post. they talked abt. the weather all the time. why don't you read the post yourself.)

The simple answer is that everyone meets new people all the time and spends time with people he/she likes or with whom that person has common interests. If these person does not spend time with YOU, it does not mean they are in anyway biased. The reasons why some white women are not interested in dating local guy has been discussed at length here. Get over it - you won't change anything with your post.

(if it has been discussed at length here, please direct me to it, as i find no evidence of it whatsoever. although bear in mind that i have only visited this board for a few days. but if you do find it, if you can, i'd love to read it.)

Instead of moaning, why not come to any of the many of the events organised on the board and see if there's anyone special you click with. That's the only way to find someone - after all I guess you're not trying to date caucasian women per se, are you???

(have you read my post at all?

greg)

[Ines]

I don't see what the problem is when people decide not to date interracially. It really depends on the reasoning. If the reasoning is that one thinks oneself higher/superior, then it IS racism. If the reasoning is that culturally there are differences which are difficult to overcome then I don't deem that as being racist just realistic.

Each to their own.

[rubber ducky]

But i think it's also racism that one would assume that a person is a certain culture just because of their skin color. And sad to say, yes, there is a certain stereotype of asian men among many women [no matter what color] which is normally either backward or geeks...or that's the stereotype in the US anyway. But then again, why wail and complain? do you really want to date someone or some expat woman who has preconceived ideas on culture and everything about you based solely on skin color. But then after all that said, there are lots of women who are willing to date someone of a different color, like my current girlfriend is able to look beyond my "conservative" asian skin to see a leftist photojournalist..all of which are no traditional "asian" tendencies...whatever those may be. As to why people are so sensitive about discusisng this on this board, i'm not really sure, but yes, i have noticed that discussion on asian men and foreign women seem to be avoided on this board, perhaps it touches on the raw nerves of prograssive first worlders.  

[Hoki]

captcrunch 55,
you state: "...western women not dating local men is the fault of both sides..."

What is the "fault" in this??? Do you really expect to be dated just to see some anti-racism practiced?

[captcrunch55]

captcrunch 55,
you state: "...western women not dating local men is the fault of both sides..."
What is the "fault" in this??? Do you really expect to be dated just to see some anti-racism practiced?

(to hoki, we all know that the trend is that western men date asian women more than western women date asian guys. the general fault, as i am proposing, is in the sentences after my quote above.

we all know that anti-racism is practiced on varying levels. asians toward westerners and vice versa. what i cannot stand is the board not even raising the issue of asian men and western women and discussing it. that the topic be avoided like the plague. i am not saying that western women should date asian guys. but i am, like tinky winky, curious as to the reason why. it is distressing and perhaps insulting.

it would have been a wiser move that this board discuss the issue honestly instead of making fun of it openly. this is what i am offended by.

[tiddles]

There are about a 100 times more single white men here than there are single white women. Therefore white men dating singaporean girls is about 100 times more common than white women dating singaporean men.

Does that answer your question?

[KatyF]

I'm an old married woman (hitting 42 this year) so I'm out of the game.  But working-wise or socially, I've met plenty of really good looking, sweet and not-so-sweet but have-that-something Chinese/Indian/Malay etc single guys.  I think it's the fact that Western girls may be afraid of approaching these men for fear of seeming forward, and vice versa.  Not necessarily prejudice at all, but I imagine that, from the Western woman's point of view, she has no idea what the mindset is of the bloke she fancies, and no-one likes looking like a fool, do they?

[scootergrrl]

You love who you love.  Easy.

Even in Melb where I come from, it is much more common to see yellow chick/white boy combinations as opposed to yellow boy/white chick combos.  Who knows why that is...

That said, I fail to see the big deal about all this stuff anyway.  I'm in a yellow chick/white boy combo and we love each other pure and simple.  I didn't fall in love with a white boy.  I fell in love with my partner.

Seems curious that mixed skin-colour relationships (and that really is all they are) is always treated as 'other' - really wish I was more eloquent... can't quite express what I'm thinking....  They are just relationships that are easier to push into the 'other' category.  But they are fundamentally no different to same skin colur relationships except for when people around you make a big deal out of it.

Have noticed that my partner and I get a whole lot more looks over here than we did back home.  I guess it's more common/accepted/no big deal in Melbourne.

[Tiger Lily]

I think it necessary to distinguish between the dating patterns of
(a) Expat Asian Men who were brought up in a western country
(b) Local Asian Men who have lived abroad in a western country for some time
(c) Local Asian Men who have stayed in S'pore all their lives

I believe captcrunch55 that you're a (b) and hence have experience in western culture, lifestyle and women

It is not good to generalise but is it not possible that local men who fall under category (c) are not inclined to date white women.  As to the reasons why, perhaps you could redirect the question to them ?

[captcrunch55]

I think it necessary to distinguish between the dating patterns of
(a) Expat Asian Men who were brought up in a western country
(b) Local Asian Men who have lived abroad in a western country for some time
(c) Local Asian Men who have stayed in S'pore all their lives

I believe captcrunch55 that you're a (b) and hence have experience in western culture, lifestyle and women

It is not good to generalise but is it not possible that local men who fall under category (c) are not inclined to date white women. As to the reasons why, perhaps you could redirect the question to them ?

(tiger lily,

i am directing the question to both sides and what they feel. i am not asking any side in particular. to do so would be a bit unfair.

true that i fall under category b. what can i say, mandarin was never my strong point. baba lah....)