Help

[dreamy]

I decided that it would be good for the both of us to break it off and not work towards marriage, and he threaten to commit suicide. What should i do???
help!!

[tinky winky]

This sounds harsh, but threatening suicide because someone doesn't want to be with you anymore is manipulative.  There is nothing you can do for them other than firmly suggest that they seek professional counseling for their emotional and relational problems.  Tell them you will let their family know they are seriously depressed.  Follow through on that promise.  Give them the name of a psychologist or, if they can't afford their own treatment, a free clinic.  If you are afraid they may actually follow through on their threat, notify social services or the police.  Then gently but absolutely finally cut all ties and have nothing more to do with them.  

This is psychological terrorism.  Chances are they won't kill themselves but they are mentally ill.  Unless you are a psychologist, you cannot help them.  Prolonging the relationship will only delay finding a solution.  You can only help them by referring them to, and notifying, mental health professionals.

Good luck.  And try not to feel guilty.  That is their goal.  It is their problem.

[kes]

antoine,

The solution would be the same if a woman did the same thing.  I'm not biased against anybody, let alone a different sex.  For me, I'm just surprised that men are capable just as women to do something like this.  Maybe all the guys I've known aren't like this, with an exception of one who didn't threaten suicide but stalked me.

In all essence, love shouldn't have to come to this way, but it does.  And when it does it usually means that it is not good love.

I'll drop the matter here and now.

dreamy, I'm so sorry that you are going through such a hard time.  I really am.  The only thing to do is maybe alert his friends and family about it and leave.  If you stay, it will drag you down further.  

[This message has been edited by kes (edited 23-03-2002).]

[XGF]

a threat like that from a soon to be xbf is not as uncommon as you think.  i had a boyfriend do the same when i broke off with him.  he then proceeded to stalk me for years.  i had restraining orders on him and he was put in jail several times.  it is now 18 years later and he just recently tracked down my email address and started sending threatening emails.  if we were on the same part of the earth i would still be afraid of him.  many of my friends have had men say the same thing...none of them have actually done it.  however, it is a serious thing.  he needs help but NOT from you!

this should make you confident that you made the right decision.  any guy who is that obsessive and unstable is not someone you want to be with.  he is a violent person.  if he is thinking of hurting himself he could be thinking of hurting others, including you.  cut off all contact.  do not speak to him no matter how sorry you feel for him.  if he persists, keep track of dates and times of his contacts and actions.  print out emails and save phone messages.  if it gets ugly, you need this kind of proof for the police. definitely alert any friends/family of his that you know that could help him and then get clear of it.  you didn't cause him to act this way.  he has probably done it before.