Culture Shock?

[Depressed]

I've been here for three months and have not yet found work. My husband was transfered here. I left a good job to come here.
We wanted to come for the experience, the travel and to save some money.
I didn't expect it would take me so long to find work, and now I am feeling extremely depressed.
I read the culture shock book and I understand I should expect to feel this way at some point and that it is temporary.
I have lost all motivation to do anything. I feel like I've lost my identity. My husband is wonderful and tries to help me. But I don't want to burden him when he is busy with his job here. He is very worried about me.
I'm just posting this message to see if anyone else is experiencing this stage of culture shock. Maybe it will help to talk about it.

[Previously depressed]

Hi

I've not experienced culture shock - been here almost 1 year now, but have suffered from depression before , so if you need to talk you can email me. Post on this again and I will give you my email address

[alisse]

is it work in particular you're wanting or just something to do besides paint your toenails three times a day? you might wanna look into volunteering...i'm guessing you don't have kids but there is a salvation army home for the aged out past NUS (a university here)...i used to go there once a week. um, i can't think of anything else off the top of my head, but if you want more info, let me know.

[kat]

If you really want to work, and have a college degree, you shouldn't have too much of a problem finding something at least part time with a dependent's pass.  Have you tried the local recruitment agencies?  The internet?  Just go door-banging - it will give you something to do!  I do sympathise as this would be my nightmare - having nothing to do while my partner works full-time - and spent 2 months last year on a different posting being a lady of leisure with no reason literally for getting up in the morning.  However, it seems like you need a routine and work should provide this.  If a job is hard to come by, try a course (computing, art, local culture, cooking etc) or volunteering.  I know that ANZA and the British Association are always on the look-out for volunteers.  Keep your chin up!

[depressed2]

also been here 3 months and feeling very much on the same boat. I love the place, I just can't find my role... I have a university degree and I've been to a number of interviews but all the jobs I went for don't seem worth the effort with non-existing holidays, lousy pay and horrible potential employers... sorry couldn't cheer you up but at least you are not alone!
I do think it's just a phase and things will get better  

[Angel#1]

It kind of depends what ou want to do.  Local employment conditions are horrid at times, and the social conditions are not quite what we were used to in Europe  (I am feeling sorry for myself as I will only get 8 weeks maternity leave when I had acquired 24 weeks in the UK - should have got it in my contract!)

Anyway, tell us more about your experiences, qualifications, aspirations.  One lady posted on here a few months ago with exactly that and I got her a job at my company.  Local terms, but she feels better about it.

I am not saying we will automatically produce a job for you, but there are possibilities!

Have you thought of setting up your own business?  Some people import/export things, others teach yoga/painting etc.  From other threads a Weightwatchers club would go down a treat if set up here!

If it's company you want, email me, and we could have lunch or whatever.  It is a very hard situation - I had a friend who had the same problem in KL for 9 months but now has the best job (I am very envious!) having been disillusioned for all that time.  Oh, and just because you aren't working doesn't mean you have no value! My friend had that impression when talking to people whose only suggestion was that she have kids!

Good luck, and email if you feel like it!

[Depressed]

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice.
During the times when I am feeling clear headed and practical I do think that if I can't get a job here I will do some volunteer work and take some classes to fill my time and make me feel of some use.
However earlier when I posted my original message I couldn't think in a practical way and I just wanted to talk to someone who feels the same way I do. I actually feel better this evening than I did at 4pm, and I can see ways out of this situation, but the depression seems to hit me in waves and when I'm low I'm just a teary mess.
However your advice has really helped me.
I am an industrial designer with 9 years experience working in the UK (where I'm from) and America. I have a BA and a Masters in Design and I was successful in my last job in the US. I am actually waiting to hear from a company I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago, - they had a lot of people to see before they could let me know. But as more time goes by, I seem to be losing my confidence. I certainly haven't exhausted the leads I have here, and so really I know I should be patient and persevere.
I haven't made any friends here yet - I thought I would do that through work, I would like to get together with some people who are going through the same thing, rather than heap all this on my husband. He is a great help, but the stress and worry I'm causing him is making me feel even worse.
To Depressed2 - you seem to be in a similar situation to me - thanks - it does help to know I'm not alone. And to Angel - thanks for your offer to meet up, I will email you.

[inertiacreeps]

Dear depressed (ex-depressed?),
I know only too well your situation as it was mine too for almost one year: I had a great job inthe UK, highly paid, with travelling and lots of responsability. When my husband was offered a posting here we thought only of the advantages (maid looking after the baby, swimming pool, holidays in the region)but not of the potential problems. I thought I could find a job here but things were not looking good when I got here. I very quickly slipped in a state of inertia: I believe some people are able to cope with sudden inactivity, always finding some other things to do but I am not one of them. I felt that I hated the idea of every possible option (meeting with other women in same situation, picking up a new sport, learning Mandarin, whatever) because it felt it was a forced choice and I lost enthusiasm on anything, just spent long days watching TV and reading books and feeling very sorry for myself. And you know what? My husband's understanding did not help me at all. I felt it was really my right to be depressed! And then I remembered how much I enjoyed the challenges at work and I thought: this situation is a challenge too. And I started to fight to solve the problem. MY situation is a bit more difficult than yours as my field of expertise is very specialised and I am not English mothertongue. But I decided I was going to try everything I could and not leave any stone unturned. I set up my consultancy business, and although business is slow, the effort to start it all kept me really busy for months and, because of this initiative I was contacted by a major international company and I now have a job!
So my advise is: action action action! I am glad to see things are already better for you know, but if you are not happy, search around! Try everything, make yourself known through some networking events in your business that might be happening here or in the region. If you have a positive approach to things and a fighting attidue, things will happen! All the best and let me know if you are interested in meeting up...

[depressed2]

Hi depressed, let me know if you want to meet up... I don't mean to suggest a depressing 'let's be miserable together' session... we could do something, see something of Singapore or just have a coffee. Who knows those slow Singaporean employers might all of a sudden call up and we might even regret all the wasted free time!

[Rob]

When I came here as a "trailing spouse" it took me 4 months to find a 'decent' job. Those 4 months were terrible due to a combinationsof immense boredom and the costanst stress of knowing that if I didn't find something pretty quickly, I would be unable to stay (the rules on male dependants were different then). I tried everthing I could think of to find work and at times the constant rejections were soul destroying. Don't give up thought, eventually I found a great job and nearly 6 years later, I am still here and loving it  

[Monkey Hanger]

Hi Depressed(and sympathizers),just a quick note from a guy into  his sixth month of job searching .I have the most supportive partner ever but could kill an hour or two during the day maybe sharing thoughts with other people in the same situation,after all how long does it take to read all the newspapers(!) here ?If you get together drop me a mail.

[Caroline]

Persistance after interviews: Being very busy with too many e-mails to process makes it hard to manage candidates. When there are many qualified candidates some of the people I have employed have been because they were persistant, very positive and professional in their communications and followed up with me correctly assuming that I am very busy and my memory needs to be jogged.

Also don't rule out chasing up on people who interviewed you previously. They may have just the vacancy that day and have forgotten exactly who it was they have seen...

My husband called the company he works for the day we landed in Singapore and they had no job for him. He waited a year before he called again and that day they just happened to need someone immediately. If he had called once a month, he may have got work a lot sooner...

[previously depressed 2]

Your post rang true to me. I'm in a different Asian country on my way to Singapore. Also had very successful career in homeland and  am trailing spouse.  Sounds like I have experienced similar feelings, though frequently I love the selfish luxury of being an expat wife.

Like yourself, I did not want to burden my husband so I visited a psychologist specializing in culture shock. Your feelings are very normal. For me, what worked was taking small  postive steps. I viewed each day as a new day and started over. Helped me avoid frustruation and depression. It also enabled me to enjoy my new culture more. Perhaps this might work for you.

When I move to Singapore this summer. Would love to meet you. Perhaps by that time we can share some laughs and lunch. If I can be of help perhaps we can email

[Depressed]

Thanks again for all your replies - I didn't expect to get so many. It really helps to know that so many people can relate to this situation and offer me good advice.
To inertiacreeps, depressed2 and Monkey Hanger, please email me at indes65@hotmail.com and perhaps we can arrange to meet up for a coffee soon.
Caroline - thank you for the advice on being persistant after an interview. I will do some chasing up today.
And to previously Depressed2 please do email me when you get here in the summer - I look forward to meeting you.
Thanks RB for the ladies club information. I will definitely put myself on their mailing list.

Fortunately a good friend of mine is visiting me here from the UK this weekend and staying for a few days. (She was on business in Hong Kong and extended her trip), and so it should be good to spend some time with her - it will keep me busy!
So hopefully, later next week or the week after I can take you up on your offers and meet up with some of you.
Thanks again for all your support.