Stressed Wife - Need Aussie expat advice please !

[A thought]

Whilst I agree with the above posts, that a car is almost an "essential item" with small kids here, it is possible to cope without (we do, and have one toddler). When you think about what are the main benefits to having a car (easier for grocery shopping, better for travelling around with kids, avoid nightmare of finding a taxi in rain, Fri nights etc), many of those problems may be resolved by another option, eg getting your groceries delivered (except the fresh stuff, which does tend to be 50% of load, I agree) and I guess avoiding going somewhere with a bunch of kids (and stuff) when finding a taxi may be a problem. Ie, you may find that having a maid may be the solution to not having a car, eg go shopping by yourselves and leave the kids home with maid, wife take maid with her to hold one of the kids in taxi, etc. I know it seems a bit strange, but $700 a month for a maid is a lot cheaper than a car!  We no longer use a carseat since our child outgrew the maxi-cosi carseat (suitable for babies and very mobile - see other posts previously on this).  The only answer is to strap yourself in and hold onto the child tight - not ideal, esp for those of us from Australia that are trained from childhood to always wear a seatbelt.

[Relocation]

The money isn't probably in dispute here but the entire lifestyle change-the mobility/independence you are used to and the family network you are used to is changed. Friends are transient, unfortunately, and the lifestyle changes are significant in an overseas posting. Singapore is an easy posting as far as convenience, living standards and earning power are considered but surely most people can at least sympathise or empathise with the enormous up heaval moving is. Quite often this involves new surroundings, new rules, new laws, a new culture and sometimes a new language. It means leaving a familar comfort zone. We have done this several times now and with children it seems as they get older the sadder and harder it is for them to adjust to change and it can be heart breaking. Perhaps a little reassurance is needed here not cattiness about how much is too much. I found this board absolutely brilliant in clarifying a few things before we came(what to/what not to bring, cost of living etc) and then on arrival an excellent way to find my way around. Lastly the board gave me the unique opportunity of making friends through a playgroup for my child. if this guy's wife wasn't apprehensive about (probably) what is their first posting overseas you'd wonder.

[boardsurfer]

The package is great.

Why MUST you be near Aust Expats...is that a Eastern suburbs thing?.... the whole adventure of living overseas is experiencing other cultures....and I don't think you will get that hanging around a bunch of Oz expats.

[This message has been edited by ***urfer (edited 26-02-2002).]

[Skippy]

It is not clear from your post whether your wife is stressed by the thought of the move or from the strains of parenthood.

If it is the latter I would advise you to think very carefully about making the move, however good the money. I have seen people make the move to Sing in the hope that the problems they were confronting at home would improve. Believe me in this lifestyle what are paper thin cracks at home can become gaping chasms when a family is thrown into a strange environment, without the support of friends and family and a husband who is more often absent than at home. Having the help of a maid can sometimes cause more stress (you only have to look at the 'maid' threads on this board to see that). You mention the move is "permanent" and that again adds more stress to an already stressed partner when faced with the prospect of not returning home in the near future.

However if your wife is generally a good coper and is just blown away by the thought of the move at the moment,  than she should find that after the initial settling period that there will be plenty for her to do and people to meet but it will take time an a fair degree of effort on her part to find her niche. Please bear in mind also that it can be hard to make good, long term friendships here (which are very important to a woman) because of the transitory nature of the population.

Good luck with your decision. It is not an easy one.

[Slim Pickins]

"Have some thought for those of us who mave moved here and have a great life on 4k"
rofl
I wish I was getting 4k!
-Still at least Im not paying 30% tax/hecs/medicare on what passes for my salary like I was back in Oz ;-)

Getting back to the topic:
Im assuming that the offer is a lot better than your current situation in Aus which is why you are considering it (& of course tax here is heaps less), but of course money is only a minor consideration in terms of happiness, and with 150k you shouldnt have to worry too much about the money situation.
From what you said, I think what you really need to consider is whether your wife will be happy here. If she isnt happy, you wont be either.
Leaving behind all her friends and a familiar environment and coming here will be very very stressful for her, made even more so by the demands of looking after young children. (This applies to you too!)

On the other hand, the chance of working overseas somewhere like Singapore can be a very rewarding experience, and you may all love it.

Having small kids, you will definately want to consider getting a car. You will find the taxis a bother with kids. - no child seats. (Heck, most of em hide the adult seatbelts too!) And they are impossible to get when it rains (or your in a hurry ;-) On the plus side the taxis are very cheap compared to Aus, and you have no parking hassles.

Cars are unfortunately a wee bit pricey here. ie: hows 65k for a hyandai accent sound? Anything over 2 litres costs 100k++. Since you arent given a company car you will have to buy one yourself. Budget 2-3k per month (for a small family car. Forget anything bigger than 1.6litre unless you have money to burn...)