Where to send kids to university?

[EdCounsellor]

according2me, does this mean that if your child said to you, "Parent, I want to go to Joe Shmoe University because you don't need to study hard to get passing grades and it has a totally awesome party scene," that you would happily write the check? Because, trust me, a lot of teens will make the decision based on just those criteria.

[DO What I Did!!]

Go to a university, any university, as long as it's the one your boyfriend/grilfriend is attending. BIG FAT HAIRY MISTAKE. With BELLS ON!! But, hey, my parents were like according2me and felt it was my decision to make. HUGE black mark against them from my point of view. They let me down. I needed strong guidance and so does every other kid out there. Parents owe it to their kids to not allow them to screw up their lives!

[ROTFloor!!!]

DO What I Did!!, I'm laughing about this ever since you posted it!!! Too true, too true. I almost changed my major because I met a hot guy in the add/drop queue and sneaked a peek at his schedule. Why didn't I change my major? Because I knew my father would bloody KILL me that's why!!!! Young and stooooopid. Don't let this happen to you!!!!

[CuriousMe]

Wonders how many of you know-it-alls have yet to send a child to university?

[according2me]

according2me, does this mean that if your child said to you, "Parent, I want to go to Joe Shmoe University because you don't need to study hard to get passing grades and it has a totally awesome party scene," that you would happily write the check? Because, trust me, a lot of teens will make the decision based on just those criteria.

My child is too smart to couch the decision in such a ridiculous manner to us.  Look, we trust our children -- at least to some degree -- what do these controlling parents think?  That once their kids move away and start attending school that they, the parents will conitnue to make the child's decisions for them?  Once they move out, there is a paradigm shift, so why not let the student have some ownership in it?

DO what I did!!!  So you makde a mistake.  Brilliant!  Did you learn from it?  Did it help you mature as a person?  Your parent's let you down?  May be YOU let you down.

[EdCounsellor]

Your child is too smart to couch the decision in such a ridiculous manner? So you admit that he'd make that decision, just couch it to you in a more clever way?

My point is not to dictate, as you are so quick to accuse, but to  guide firmly, and be the adult in a situation when a youth is making what could very well be one of the most important decisions of his life - a decision that could easily be made on terms that seemed like a good idea at the time, as other posters have pointed out.

[according2me]

Your child is too smart to couch the decision in such a ridiculous manner? So you admit that he'd make that decision, just couch it to you in a more clever way?

My point is not to dictate, as you are so quick to accuse, but to  guide firmly, and be the adult in a situation when a youth is making what could very well be one of the most important decisions of his life - a decision that could easily be made on terms that seemed like a good idea at the time, as other posters have pointed out.

OK Ed, you know best -- after all you do this for a living, no?  And your children?  All snug and happy at your alma mater?

I disagree that it should be the parent's decision,  completely 100% -- so sue me!

Seems ridiculous to make this decision for someone who will be moving out of the house in 6 months time anyway.

And when I said dictate -- how do you know I was referring to your post?  Did read what some of the other posters have written?

 

[Mum12]

Interesting thread. We are in the process of helping our child decide on his university... and I have to say I have been very hands on. My child is very bright, but a 17 year old's maturity ( in most cases) does not allow for the most effective decision making. In terms of choices, we identified a superset of 15-20 universities to be considered and within those, he is researching them ( websites) and deciding which ones look attractive... we cant really afford to take him on a recky to all the school that span the US and UK.Most kids this age do not realize how important this decision is- its upto us as parents to educate them and work with them to make the right choices. I know counsellors who say that it should be entirely the child's decision but I beg to disagree-  they are so guided by their peers at this age that not all of their decisions are rational.

[Depends]

It depends entirely on the character of your child.  Some kids have minds of their own and can't be bossed around.  If I said to my daughter we would only  support her if she chose x, y or z university but she wanted to study elsewhere - she would probably just  drop  out  of  education  altogether.  I would have done  the  same  at her age.  My  son however would accept our decision.  Different kids need to be handled differently.

Just to add, my father attended art school.  His single parent mother financed it despite a lot of family pressure.  She  was told Art school  was  a waste of time  and he should train to be an accountant!  She  ignored  family pressure and supported him in  what he wanted to do despite it being a risky move in those days.  He ended up in a very senior position  at the BBC.  Support your kids - their way may be different.  I meet a lot of successful businessmen  here in Singapore  who went  to  second rate polythecnics in the UK - doesn't seem  to have  held them back.

[Tooextreme]

I suspect that most parents do guide and have a hand in the choice of Uni the child attends whether the child him/herself realises it or not. Likewise there are children who will feel pressure to go in a certain direction even while the parents claim they are exerting no influence at all. It is wildly unjust to characterise a child whose parents know very well what the child would choose for themselves, given enough research, as lacking a mind of their own for agreeing to a good university fit. If a child has a demonstrated passion for a particular course I cannot see many parents denying that choice.
 Being involved in ones teenager's decisions about areas of life and geographical locations of which they know nothing is not the same as 'taking over'. The choices of our expat global children are just too many for them to be able to consider and research everything at a time when they have so much pressure at school.
Of course the final say will always be the child's, if not immediately then on dropping out or results day or even later in their life choices and dealings with the parent!

[according2me]

Of course the final say will always be the child's, if not immediately then on dropping out or results day or even later in their life choices and dealings with the parent!

Funny that you're the only one to say this.  I believe this to be true as well.  I guess what all the naysayers on this thread are not appreciating is that the list is actually very small.  Once you factor in $, geography, academics, interests -- the list becomes narrowed down to a dozen  or so schools.  The student applies and I think he should choose what school he attends from there.  That's enough from me, as I am deep in this process now I know  what a difficult time it can be for a family.