How do Singaporean wives cope with husbands' infidelity?

[WSHAN]

I am from another agian country and married in my country with my Singaporean husband.  He was planning to come to my country and start a married life. But all of a sudden, after 2,3 months, he said he wanted a divorce.
while I was going through the bureaucratic preparation (registry, application to VISA) in my country which took half a year almost, he was starting an affair with a girl from China behind my back, who is also married to a guy from outside Singapore.

Of course I am furious with my husband but I can not forgive this Chinese girl who almost manipulated and led us to a divorce.
I know we might not have worked out even witout her presence but who knows?
I can not forgive her comments about me how she wrote about me as if she knew me in her e-mail messages.  At the moment, I can not even see this girl because my husband won't let me do it and she also never answers the call from me.


When I talked with a lawer, infidelity is not sufficient to demand a compensation from her in Singapore, though it is a proper grounds for a divorce.  Infidelity is not an illeagal act???  Unbeleivable to me!!

How do you girls who had same experience in Sin cope with this kind of ordeal?  just let the time go and forget about it? 
 

[TheWrathOfGrapes]

Infidelity is not an illeagal act???  Unbeleivable to me!!

What so unbeliveable??? Infidelity is sinful (if you are religious). Infidelity is immoral. But infidelity is not illegal.

[WSHAN]

It is not illegal IN Singapore, or whichever your country is.
But it is immoral as well as illegal IN my country.
Women's rights are more protected by law in that sense, i guess.

Anyway, That is why I expressed my surprise openly and just wondered how the wives take it.  That's all.

[TheWrathOfGrapes]

But it is immoral as well as illegal IN my country.

Which country, may I ask?

[WSHAN]

I'm afraid I don't think it's necessary.

I want to hear what ladies with the same experiences living IN Singapore think about this. just simple as that. It is not my intention to compare two countries here.

But It seems they don't really care about husbands' committing adultry, maybe that is why there are not much reaction coming to my question....

Singaporean girls are very generous...liberated towards that kind of stuff? mmmmmm.

[TheWrathOfGrapes]

Not trying to pry, just curious that there are actually countries where adultery is illegal. To side step the comparison issue, would you care to name a few countries where you are sure infidelity is illegal. I am not sure if the Islamic countries are in this category. I think if the moral police in Indonesia catches a couple making out (if they are not married to each other), they will probably whipped them. It is against their religion, but I am not sure if it is illegal.

In your country, will they throw you in jail if you caught doing such activities?

[Grub]

The only ones I can think of are Saudi and Pakistan.

[WSHAN]

Hi...

I just want to know if your husband had an affair with another woman, what would you do??? 

would you do just divorce?
ask him for any compensation for his action?
confront the woman?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 

BECAUSE infedility is nothing lawfully concerened in your country.

That is what I am asking............

[TheWrathOfGrapes]

Hi...

I just want to know if your husband had an affair with another woman, what would you do??? 

would you do just divorce?
ask him for any compensation for his action?
confront the woman?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 

BECAUSE infedility is nothing lawfully concerened in your country.

That is what I am asking............

Well, you asked more than that - see your original post above:
/// When I talked with a lawer, infidelity is not sufficient to demand a compensation from her in Singapore, though it is a proper grounds for a divorce.  Infidelity is not an illeagal act???  Unbeleivable to me!! ///

You expressed disbelief that infidelity is not an illegal act here and hence my reply that it is not illegal. FYI - prostitution is also perfectly legal here.

Now, to your other point, do you really want advice from strangers here? Ask your lawyer. But why would you want compensation from her?  Shouldn't the compensation come from your husband? You can initiate divorce proceeding against your husband if you have proofs that he has committed adultery. And then sue his pants off for compensation and maintenance.

[cactus]

Let's bring some sanity to this discussion

1) Infidelity is NOT a Singaporean problem --it happens in 30% to 50%+ (depending on the country) of marriages...and surprise, surprise, it's practised by both women and men.

2) Marriage is a paradoxical institution. Faithfulness is rightfully expected, yet, it cannot be enforced like a breach of contract in business...frankly, it is not illegal except in the most reprehensible, anti-women countries...

3) So, all you can do is choose your partner carefully, hope it does not happen to you...

[finding agent]

Some Singaporean wives, depending on the Faith & culture they belong to, cope with their husband's infidelity by getting their cheating husbands to legitimise the affair by accepting polygamy-which is permissible by Law & God- so that none of the women are relegated.

[Controller]

OK, there may be some backward countries with wierdo laws where infidelity is illegal but the normal world does not recognise such daft rules as law.

Back to the real world.

It is often tolerated by the wife in Asia to preserve the family unit. From personal experience in Japan, Hong Kong and Thailand, it is also quite often an open secret that the husband has a mistress but in a strange way, the mistress ranks below the wife and she may only be part of his life for a certain period of time. If the husband takes care of his family, then the greater good principle is used to overcome the initial hurt and rejection.

Even in the west it is often tolerated in middle classes and above because it would historically be socially unacceptable for them to divorce.

As for compensation from the women then I'm sorry but the OP is living in some cloud cuckoo land more akin to the middle ages.

[finding agent]

At the risk of stirring up a hornet's nest...

On the wives' part, by being less egocentric and learning how to share their love and possession with others, especially other women  .

(The world's woes in a nutshell arises because of the ego's inability to share anything and everything).

My suspicion is that there are many wives who submissively accept the situation so long as their husbands do not forsake their duties and responsibilities towards the family, including the wife. Where the wives cant accept it, the secular law(or otherwise) kicks in to assuage the situation. That is the price that parties must pay for assuming, idealistically, that spousal love lasts forever.

And when the wives do accept, the family unit survives.

But in the end, if you think about it, nothing lasts forever Hey, so what's the big fuss all about ?

IMHO the coping has been made difficult for most couples coz' both tend to pander to society's standards, which frowns on such unenviable situations. But I am wondering who set these standards, as standards to live by, in the first place ?

Quite certainly it's not the powers-that-be(the lawmakers); because if it were, infidelity would have have become punishable in most civilised nations by now.

I am not advocating "free love" here, but "responsible love" and facing facts "after the love is gone". If the last were to happen just move on and continue discharging the responsibilities dutifully and, if possible, lovingly.

Love & Peace .

[finding agent]

Has anyone wondered why, any act which is conceived as injurious to people or persons is classified as a crime but not adultery, let alone infidelity ?

Could someone please identify the hegemon responsible for this cosmic irony ?

[orangila]

Singaporean wives cope by spending every single penny from their husbands' bank accounts!