wives - shed some light here...

[yess]

Fully agree with shedding some light.  My husband too has put on kilos and he does not do much exercise.  Why oh why complain when you get none and then not do anything to try and get some. 

[Lost Chances]

It's amazing that this has gone on 3 pages with pretty much no help at all.

One thing about an anonymous internet is that people can pretty much speak their minds.  Sure you get a lot of trolls but every thread here where men talk about what they want and who they are (biologically) gets slammed by what are obvuiously women telling us how wrong we are.

Why do you insist on thinking you can change our biology?

Men are simple assed creatures with very basic needs.  Take care of those needs and have a long marriage.  Try to make us more like you and your girlfriends (touchy feely/emotional/let's go shopping) and we will be unhappy and too often the marriage will eventually fall apart.

An expat wife friend of mine stated it best, "If you wanna cut the divorce rate give more blowjobs"

That's how basic we are.

OP - your wife could be in a lull.  Your wife could be under stress from work.  Your wife could need some unsolicited compliments etc. etc. She could want intimancy - that's touches, hugs, kisses, thoughtful gestures without leading to sex. However she could be having an affair.

You need to talk to her with no pressure about your feelings.  Not us.

[Example]

OK, here's an example of what happens around our house.

8pm, I'm struggling the get the kitchen washed up, bathe the kids and put them to bed, and my husband, who I was hoping to jump on later that evening, was farting around doing absolutely nothing. Kids all over the place, I finished the kitchen and then, oooops, major cleanup needed from one of the kids. Husband didn't budge to help.

I finally said to him, Listen Mister, you want it or not? Because if you don't get a little pep in your step it ain't gonna happen.

Well, if he didn't hop out of that chair and bathe kids and read bedtime stories! We ended up haing a good time after all. Am I a bad wife for dangling it like a carrot in front of him?   

[Old Mike]

I think this story sums it all up:


I haven’t quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never really figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

[hubba]

Oh my god this is so funny. if my bf does this to me.. I will kick his balls!

[Old Mike]

I finally said to him, Listen Mister, you want it or not? Because if you don't get a little pep in your step it ain't gonna happen.

Well, if he didn't hop out of that chair and bathe kids and read bedtime stories! We ended up haing a good time after all. Am I a bad wife for dangling it like a carrot in front of him?   

Not at all. If all wives were as direct as you, there would be many more happy marriages.
In many cases, the husband is not being selfish, just oblivious. Don't hint. say it.

[Lost Chances]

It's not fair.  Women control 90% of the money and 100% of the p*ssy.

The recurring theme here is, "Because I got busy with the kids and it made me tired I will withhold sex."

I agree 100% that guys should help out in the house. But guys work all day and are still raring to go just about anytime it's available.

Women need to disconnect the tired and the sex.  They aren't related.

Women need a reason for sex, men just need a place.