control anger with kids

[Worried mom]

Hi
been tryin to control my temper but not being able to. My lovely kids hear my shoutings n d next min im so sad i scolded at em. Ey r 3yrs n 20 months old.
i get hyper since ey take a lot of time to sleep. Ey keep playin talking talkin n more talkin. N i ve to shout at em. Next thing my 3 yr old will say "mom sorry mom sorry. I will sleep. I know ey r just kids. This happens for their eatin too such poor eaters that i literally ve to force em to eat. Pls help bmw sugg for anger control.
Been gng to yoga these days too.

[eh??]

I can barely decipher what you are trying to say with all your strange abbreviations -- what is 'EY' for example? You have a full keyboard in front of you if you are typing on a computer - save the ridiculous sms-talk for the phone. Or is spelling perhaps not your forte?

[jibberish]

LOL!  This is awful.  I hope you dont talk to your kids like that!

[be calm]

I think I've figured it out.  You've got kids who don't want to sleep and want to play instead and they're poor eaters.

Try and remember that kids don't force themselves to stay awake just to annoy their parents, nor do they starve themselves deliberately.  If they want to sleep they will sleep and if they want to eat they will eat.

They're only 20 months and 3 years, they're new to this life - give them a break and if they want to play for a while in the evenings, then let them, then go in and settle them down and read them a story - some play, then quiet time.

Don't put them to bed too early and then get upset that they're not sleeping, and don't let the 3 year old take naps in the day and he/she will feel more tired at night (most 3 yr olds don't really need naps anymore by this age).

And don't shout at them - shouting at a kid because they won't sleep or eat tends to make them less likely to do so.  Let them eat what they want and then leave it at that, but no snacking before the next meal time.

Ignore the bad behaviour, praise the good - that's the way to go.  Have a nice, quiet house and your children will follow by your example.


And watch supernanny - she's got some good tips for dealing with children without losing your temper.

[Worried Mom]

hey Thanks "be calm" . can you pls let me know where this Super Nanny comes... Will be really helpful for me.

To the others.. - Yes i was typing from my phone after this incident, thats why the shortforms.

thanks anyways

[i understand]

maybe u have too much work to do, hence the stress,  try and get a part time maid or nanny.

calm down

[LVSnotloggedin]

Bedtime is hardest for me because by the end of the day I'm tired, the kid is tired and we're both maybe a bit too cranky for our own good, that's when I'm more likely to lose it. My nighttime scenario sounds just like yours! My 3yo is shifting away from naps but it's more a slow progression than an overnight sensation, which is a bit of a rollercoaster as some days he naps well, some days he doesn't nap at all, and other days he'll stay awake all day, collapse at 5pm, then wake up refreshed at 7pm! Joy! 

I've found that the nights when I have not one shred of patience left, it helps to ask Mr VS to step in and do the night night routine and give myself a break.

But don't be too hard on yourself for snapping from time to time. Some days there's just not enough valium in the world to save me... 

 

[Worried Mom]

Yes i ve a maid. But being a homemaker i look after both my kids. My maid does all d other house work n cooking. Mr.M travels most of d time. The days he s there, its perfectly fine. Else i get all hyped up.
Evenings i take them to the park n make sure they get tired so some days they gobble up their food. But again bed time they are all charged up. I read stories have some quiet time. But that quiet time never ends. Goes on till 12 or 11.30,
I sometimes put some soft music too. Sometimes they watch movies and get tired. Thats easy for me. But i dont put them on to more tv. 

[Be Calm]

soft music is good - what you could do is have a certain time of day when you decide that playtime is over, then you put the soft music on and it's tidy up time and then bath time (they'll come to associate the music with bedtime if you keep doing it at the same time every day).

You could also try getting the baby ready for bed first, bath, milk, story or whatever while the older one does his/her own thing in the living room (if it involves a bit of TV while you're bathing the youngest, that's not going to hurt) - your maid could keep an eye on the eldest for half an hour -  then get the baby settled and focus on the older child's bath etc.  Even if they sleep in the same room this could work but it might take a bit of getting used to if they're in the habit of going to bed together.  Part of the reason that they play up at night could be that they're bouncing off each other's energy so putting them in bed at different times may end up stopping the messing around in the evenings.

Supernanny is a programme on BBC Living and sometimes it's on Discovery Home and Health - I'd definitely recommend it for you to get some good ideas from.

[Horrifiedbyyourwriting]

I would recommend that you ask your maid to write any future posts. I am almost sure that her English is better than yours. Simpletons shouldn't have kids.

[Be Calm]

I would recommend that you ask your maid to write any future posts. I am almost sure that her English is better than yours. Simpletons shouldn't have kids.

Snobs, (ie yourself) should know better than to assume that everyone has English as their first language and English grammar as their best subject at school. 

Yes it is hard to read SMS speak, but that's not the issue we're dealing with here. 

[Worried mom]

Thanks a ton for your kind words "be calm".
I am now hooked on the supernanny's website...
Dont think the show is on Dicovery Home& Health.

Many thanks

[rummage]

worried mom,

if you can, try take time out for yourself. no, it is not selfish.
sometimes, it helps your mood and the way you cope overall.

sometimes part of the reason you lose it by 5pm or bedtime is because your life is so wrapped up around the household, kids and the relentless march of routine.

this may all seem seamlessly daily routine; but overall, the schedule can translate to accumulated stress for some (esp when kids start crying and fussing for no reason) .... and you may burn out without even realising it.

not all of us are born earth mothers who instinctively know what to do, or who know how to stay non-reactively calm and unstressed when kids act up or fuss. ('be calm' had some good tips, which were really helpful).
give yourself a pat on the back. the fact you're posting here for help is positive bec you want to know more about other parenting styles, to help yourself and your kids.

taking a step out instead of more steps in helps.
all the best!

[Worried mom]

Thanks you Rummage.Yes the kids take up most of my time i do enjoy and treasure that. Just that sometimes i get worked up. Hubby just surprised me and kids with a week day off at Rasa Sentosa.