Marriage and Finance

[Anonymouse]

Hope some one can give me advice on this.

I am A PR earning a local salary. My wife is not working. I believe in saving for a rainy day, and I manage to save about 35-40% of my small salary. We live in a small HDB and from my end I don't splurge money on any luxuries for myself.

The problem is that my wife believes that money is evil and we should not be doing anything to earn money outside of our (my) job. She is totally against me investing in the stock market, or even in unit funds. For the same reason she doesn't want to work, as she believes the extra money will ruin our family life. I keep track of all the monthly expenses on a daily basis and she gets angry about this too saying that i am giving too much importance to money.

Yet despite all this, she has no hesitation in spending money. We have to eat out on weekends, we have to take holidays in exotic locales in the region. Now recently she wants me to give money to beggars on the street, saying this is the right thing to do. Now don't get me wrong. i do my bit for charity through my local church. I usually do donate to 90% of the causes brought up by the church. But I have this aversion to giving money to people who stand at MRTs with a child at their heels, instead of trying to do a honest days job.

Its come to such a state that the lack of money itself is itself causing a lot of qaurrels between us and I am clueless how to resolve this. Hoping someone who have had similar experience before can provide some advice based on your experiences.

[Glad to help]

Easy - I got just the solution for you. Park your money with me and you can honestly tell your wife that you have no more money and that money is not important to you.  Here's my account:
Fibonacci Bank, A/c No: 1123581321

[feel4u]

Where is your wife from ?

[Easy]

Just dump the stupid cow. Get your act together!

[As a soft]

approach to ease her into thinking financially, watch Suzie Orman on Saturdays and Sundays at 5 pm on CNBC Asia.

It's entertaining and there are often retirement financial disaster stories. It will change her mindset about financial planning for the future.

You might also consider seeing a counsellor. Sometimes these things can only accepted if communicated/reasoned out in the presence of an objective 3rd party. Have you considered talking to your pastor? One on one first and then in a joint session. The bible not only encourages you to give generously to the needy, but also not be a fool with money.

You have to act now, before it's too late. A little pain now will avoid abject misery in the future.

Money is not the root of all evil. The love of it is. For example, look at Kubes.

You're in a tough situation. You've already been extremely patient to allow this to go on thus far. You obviously love your wife very much.

All the best mate.

[East West]

Your wife must be Malay. It's the same attitude that has ensured the Malays are no better off economically than a few decades back, despite the progress the other ethnic groups in Singapore have enjoyed. You'd be a fool to allow her to tell you how to manage money. She clearly knows nothing about this. You don't have to let her know everything about the investments you've made. Just make sure there's money for everyday needs and whatever emergenices that crop up. She'd probably won't know any better when this is the case.

[noahsnotonanark]

are you a couple of god botherers?

[Good investment]

Buy a unit at The Sail.

Don't miss the boat because of your stupid wife!

[was is]

Get her along to some seminars by the big names in the asian financial sector - Dave Foo (Options Market), WD Gann, Ken Chee, Kelvin Tan etc  Investment, Trading, Personal development, Wealth Management etc.

These are the hot cookies in asian finance and theres quite alot going on at the moment.  You need a bit of mentoring and direction when you are dealing with such volatility. If you dont draw on others experience in this game, you can make some sorry mistakes.  Keep on top of whats happening on Wall Street - my TV is permanently night-wired to Bloomberg these nights.

Theres all sorts of great local seminars run by well known names to attend and they dont cost much.

[To was is]

You should be ashamed of your self. Most of these seminars are scams. You go along to one and then they convince you to spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy some software which will "predict the market" for you. They set up a trading account for you and then get a percentage of every trade you make, whether you make money or not. Innoncent, trusting people are losing hard earned money on these scams and you shouldn't be encouraging people to go to them.

[Looks like]

looks like she had a bad experience. Very likely she has seen a happy family with the attitude of 'saving money firs of all' which lost its spirit with the time. Maybe that's what she is afraid of. You love your wife, but maybe she just tries to balance yourself.
Also I am thinking she is an arty person who just does not want to be bothered about the future: just live happy  and share this happiness with other.

[was is]

You should be ashamed of your self. Most of these seminars are scams. You go along to one and then they convince you to spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy some software which will "predict the market" for you. They set up a trading account for you and then get a percentage of every trade you make, whether you make money or not. Innoncent, trusting people are losing hard earned money on these scams and you shouldn't be encouraging people to go to them.

Not true. Although PP you are correct, avoid the scammers at all costs. While I am sure there are scammers out there, also there a lot of well known local experts on the asian markets.  The local experts are the guys to get in with.  Stick to the trusted names.  if you see a seminar, google the guy and see what his track record is.  As PP says there are many scammers in all walks of life.  I hadnt heard of the software scams though. My goodness that is so sick to prey on vulnerable & naive people.

[My 2 cents worth]

Hi. Both you and your wife sound religious - so maybe the thing to do is for both of you to talk to a church counselor (assuming you are both Christians). She may put more stock in what someone from the church may have to say.

Or maybe just talk to her yourself. Explain how you feel, listen to what she has to say, and maybe both of you can come to some compromise.

Good luck.

[Polygamist]

Get rid of the dumb woman, she will ruin your life. Plenty more fish in the sea.

[Ironside]

If she is constantly criticising money I can well understand how difficult it is to justify such a
necessity in the real world and how futile it is to argue or explain to an adult.

However she is essentially criticising you and money is just the vehicle for her criticism.

If it wasn't money she would likely find another subject upon which she could have a go at you, getting personal without being personally offensive.
She sounds clever, more significantly cunning. She will plan your downfall meticulously.

I think she has lost respect for you, perhaps because you are so conceding, too kind perhaps, easy going.

You must be more assertive. You must fight back perhaps by expressing your complete disinterest for her opinion(s). Let her see her words have absolutely no effect on your life just like Basil Fawlty.
And you should make a few direct and indirect criticisms of your own too.

You can consider her conduct an early warning of things to come and make your plans accordingly. You wont change her. Its part of her character. I am curious, what attracted you?
Was it just physical?