Would you let your ten year old (going on 11) girl...

[ex-pat]

There is safety in numbers, so as long as they stay together they are ok.  My daughter has always been told never to go the the public toilets alone in a mall, always go in pairs.  In Australia there have been instances of kids being molested in toilets at the cinemas and also in changerooms in department stores.  A phone is a necessary evil I'm afraid as you can at least keep track of them if you need to ring.  My daughter is twelve going on thirteen and has been shopping with friends for the last eighteen months but always with instructions not to be alone at all. 

[happens a lot]

Whatever it is, I'm just posting here as a concerned parent and hope you understand that my reasons are not untoward. As someone said earlier, Singapore may seem safer than other countries, but there are unfortunately sick people everywhere.

This is true and you do tend to read quite a few reports in the newspapers of things like this - there was a guy sent to prison the other day for preying on girls who I think were from age 10-15.  And there was a another guy recently who's target was boys.  I know it happens in every country but for such a small country, I do seem to read quite a lot of news stories along these lines.

[molesters]

And not too long ago, there was a man who molested a boy in the toilet of a busy public library. His mother was in fact standing outside the gents and started to get suspicious when her son seemed to be taking a long time.

To be honest, I was molested as a child. The guy walked by me and put his hand under my skirt. It was all so fast. There were in fact adults around me, at a book shop. I wonder if anyone actually noticed it but was afraid to say anything. I think the guy was so psycho that he did it in an open place, opportunistically rather than premeditatedly and furtively while lying in wait.

[jnm]

yes to the phone
yes  to the sleepover
no to the drop off or make there own way to a mall... they are 10!

[caution]

1) yes to phone - with limited time


2) yes to sleepover. so long as i know the other family.
as to bedtime - this is up to the other mom, if at her house. perhaps best mutually discussed before (ie if she is ok with her child staying up until 2am).
personally i would have no problem with that if it is Fri or Sat. (afterall that is half the fun of sleepovers).

3) big mall like Vivo ... perhaps not (or keep yourself within radar in the same mall).
with seasoned predators or pedophiles ..  TWO 10 yr olds or not .... with that level of judgement and gullibility, they are still going to be easy prey if observed and targeted.

[are you sure?]

" - Sleepovers, absolutely - they're in a safe environment so no problems with that. "

We won't allow our kids to go for sleepovers, precisely because you don't know if they are in a safe environment.  Look at all these guys (and it generally is men) being charged for child pornography around the world - many are middle class professional types.  How well do you know your kids' friends' parents??

[elder brothers]

and don't forget elder brothers too. Or if the older siblings have their own older friends sleeping over too ...

[tropical Mary]

It is such a shame that we need to worry about our kids becoming victims of abuse and while I think the media often portrays a distorted picture (like more kids are injured or killed on the road than are victims of sexual abuse-yet we allow our children to cross a pedestrian crossing), it is good to educate them about the danger and give them some tools to deal with should they ever encounter such a situation.

When my daughter was 7 or so and we were still in the UK, her school ran a programme about feeling safe/unsafe. They were told to make a fuss and even shout: "I don't know this person"as loud as they could if someone approached them and asked them to do something inappropriate. I thought this was good advice because a child in tears with a man/woman could be interpretated as a family who had a row, while we would all sit up if we heard someone shout that they don't know the person. I remember a couple of incidents as a child when I felt unsafe and very intimideated but didn't think of making a fuss because it would be seen as bad manners. I since told my daughter not to worry about manners in such cases, but to create a big fuss instead.

As for sleepovers, I have no problems with what time they go to bed. I do,  however, always check who else is in the house and who is in charge and base my permission on that.
I prefer the sleepover to happen in our house and don't mind providing midnight feasts etc.

Mobile phone no problem but again monthly spending limit.

Shopping on their own at 10--I'd like to be somewhere close by and meet up every so often. Vivo City is a big place and confusing lay-out but if the child is confident and level-headed I would consider it.

[great question!]

I have a daughter aged 10 and am also starting to ask these same questions. She doesn't have a phone as she doesn't really need one at this stage.  She's never asked to go shopping yet but as she only gets $2 pocket money a week I'm not sure what she'd buy!  (Am I stingy???) As for the sleepover thing,it really seems to vary.  Some parents let them stay up until 2 a.m. but others insist on them being asleep by 8 pm - so both extremes are not uncommon in my experience.  However, all kids are different.  I have two older boys - 16 and 13.  When the oldest one was 10, he was out and about on his own, catching buses and going to the cinema etc but the younger one is still lacks the confidence to order his own meal at Macca's!  I don't really think I'd be comfortable about letting her go shopping in a big mall at this stage without adult supervision - she's so naive - but only you know your own children best and what they could deal with.