Would you let your ten year old (going on 11) girl...

[tenyearold]

Just trying to gauge what 10/11 year old expat girls are being allowed to do by their parents.

So, if you are a parent of a 10 (going on 11  year old) girl, would you let them/do they have:

- a mobile
- go shopping by themselves at a mall such as Vivo (ie travel there alone and come back alone)
- drop them off at Vivo for three hours and pick them up later...
- stay up til 2am when having a sleepover at your house?

[Piece of String]

Just trying to gauge what 10/11 year old expat girls are being allowed to do by their parents.

So, if you are a parent of a 10 (going on 11  year old) girl, would you let them/do they have:

- a mobile
- go shopping by themselves at a mall such as Vivo (ie travel there alone and come back alone)
- drop them off at Vivo for three hours and pick them up later...
- stay up til 2am when having a sleepover at your house?

Depends on the child, but here's my $0.02:

Mobile - absolutely if the child is old enough to be going somewhere on their own...

Shopping on their own - I assume you mean with friends - would be odd for a 10 year old to want to do that on their own.  Would make sure they had bus pass and money for taxi but can't see it being a problem ... 

Again, would do so if they were with friends ...

2am?  That's early, isn't it?  Isn't it why sleepovers are on Friday or Saturdays and not school nights!

[SAE]

Depends on the child as the PP said.

I have a 12 year old daughter so I do know what you feel about not knowing when to let go and when to allow certain things.  At the age of 11 and a half my daughter and a friend used to go to our small local mall where we knew all the shop owners.  three weeks ago she went to Vivo on her own (with a friend).  They caught a taxi together and then I picked her up. I was a bit nervous about her in Vivo as it is a big mall and even I get lost in it.  Im not sure if I would allow a 10 year old to go on her own, but then maybe I am over protective.
 
She only got her cell phone last year as before that she was either at school or at home or at a friends house and had no need for one.   

Regards sleep overs I am one of those mums who lets them sleep whenever they want to - whats the point in going to someones house for a sleepover and having to actually sleep duh!  LOL!  The latest my daughter has ever managed is 4 am though.

I think Singapore is fairly safe so we can let our daughters/sons do a little bit more than what we would let them do at home but it all depends on a)what you are comfertable with and b)how mature your child. 

[majoe42]

Here's my thoughts on your dilemna:
1. mobile, ok... but with monthly allowance restrictions (i think they offer this)
2. going out with friends for a movie or eating a sundae during week ends or school holidays - ok, but I'll drop her off and will be waiting around at the same shopping centre as she is- 3hrs I think is fine. 10 years old is still a little bit too young to go about alone in groups... I still remember as a teen, when I was in a group and having fun, I would forget about certain 'security' rules - while crossing the roads etc...
3. sleep over means fetching her at her friend's place the following morning at 8am!  But have to discuss this with the friend's parents and iron out all rules and behaviours that are acceptable. =P

Please do understand that this is how I'd go about doing it when my girl reaches 10y.o.  She currently only 6.  However, I doubt that my husband would allow number 3! hahaa... he's adamant about not having the GIRL sleepover, even be it with relatives!

Again, my reply is how I'd do things, if you don't have to agree to what I say.  I am not judging anybody who does things differently from me... we are all individuals, even our kids are different from each other and if you believe that your girl is more mature than her age, then you do what is right for her.

Just sharing...  

[SAE]

Here's my thoughts on your dilemna:
1. mobile, ok... but with monthly allowance restrictions (i think they offer this)
2. going out with friends for a movie or eating a sundae during week ends or school holidays - ok, but I'll drop her off and will be waiting around at the same shopping centre as she is- 3hrs I think is fine. 10 years old is still a little bit too young to go about alone in groups... I still remember as a teen, when I was in a group and having fun, I would forget about certain 'security' rules - while crossing the roads etc...
3. sleep over means fetching her at her friend's place the following morning at 8am!  But have to discuss this with the friend's parents and iron out all rules and behaviours that are acceptable. =P

Please do understand that this is how I'd go about doing it when my girl reaches 10y.o.  She currently only 6.  However, I doubt that my husband would allow number 3! hahaa... he's adamant about not having the GIRL sleepover, even be it with relatives!

Again, my reply is how I'd do things, if you don't have to agree to what I say.  I am not judging anybody who does things differently from me... we are all individuals, even our kids are different from each other and if you believe that your girl is more mature than her age, then you do what is right for her.

Just sharing...  

I agree with the monthly restrictions on phone bills.  What we do is buy a $10 top up card every month and if she runs out then she pays for another one.  So far so good.

Just have to ask PP, why the pick up at 8am at the other kids house - I wouldnt be thanking you for waking me up at 8 on a Saturday morning!LOL!  What we normally do, is we arrange that the girls get picked up either late morning or in the afternoon that way they get to spend some time together during the day (plus they tend not to get so grumpy)

[tenyearold]

To 2020- please do not read too much into this.  I just said "expat" cos I am comparing apples with apples..ie attitudes from parents whose kids would be in a similar school/social environment...It  has nothing to do with who is more likely to get into trouble or be more irresponsible/less mature etc...

[all alone]

Just trying to gauge what 10/11 year old expat girls are being allowed to do by their parents.

So, if you are a parent of a 10 (going on 11  year old) girl, would you let them/do they have:

- a mobile
- go shopping by themselves at a mall such as Vivo (ie travel there alone and come back alone)
- drop them off at Vivo for three hours and pick them up later...
- stay up til 2am when having a sleepover at your house?

I have a 10 year old who is going on 11, but I also have a 13 year old so things are a bit different because of that.

- Mobile - definitely, I think most parents would want their kids to have a mobile if they were going out on their own, however, our 10 year old is not interested in having one (she must be one of the only 10 yr olds on the island who doesn't want one!) and as she only goes out with her big sister who has one, she hasn't got one yet.

- Shopping - she does go shopping to our local mall but again, she goes with her big sister and another friend.  I do worry slightly (I think I'm just one of those people who worry too much!), but they've been OK doing that.  I'd probably be OK with Vivo if I was dropping them off and picking them up again.

- Sleepovers, absolutely - they're in a safe environment so no problems with that.


When our eldest was 10 going on 11, there was no big sister so she didn't go to malls on her own so what we did do sometimes was we all went to the same mall and I'd go off on my own and they'd go off together and we'd meet up later.  I think that's a good way to start them off on doing things alone.  I'd show them where the information desk was and if either of them lost the other (which fortunately didn't ever happen), they were to make their way there and wait and if necessary get the customer service people to phone me.  I think it is important to establish a meeting point for them and customer service desks are usually a good place to do this.

It's hard letting them do stuff on their own, but it does get easier as they become more confident. 

[scoobydoo]

Funny, I can see my daughter (who is 2 1/2 years younger) being more ready at 10 and 11 to do things like this than I can my son.  I guess its personality and maturity.  We're still a long way from things like this:) 

[the reason]

to 2020: be sure to read the papers in the next few days. bet this topic is going to show up in the Home or Lifestyle pages...

[SAE]

Funny, I can see my daughter (who is 2 1/2 years younger) being more ready at 10 and 11 to do things like this than I can my son.  I guess its personality and maturity.  We're still a long way from things like this:) 

I agree about the maturity thing.  My son at 9 is no where near venturing off on his own in a mall and I doubt he would know what to do with a cell phone other than find the games on it.     By comparison, my daughter at 9 would happily go to Burger King and order food whilst we waited in the car, would happily wander into shops on her own and buy stickers whilst I waited downstairs - such a difference! 

[$Pripps]

I think Singapore is fairly safe so we can let our daughters/sons do a little bit more than what we would let them do at home but it all depends on a)what you are comfertable with and b)how mature your child. 

I think one should still be a bit cautious, just because the authorities want to portrait Singapore as the safest country in the world doesn't mean it is so just don't relax too much.

[Well]

3. sleep over means fetching her at her friend's place the following morning at 8am!  

Little danger of your daughter being invited for a sleep over then......

[No Not Really]

Phone OK.
shopping at Vivo alone or with 'mates' - No.

They are 11 and easy targets and just too naive (despite what we think they are still too young.

Surely there are other thing they can do that give them their independence rather than a mall?

[scoobydoo]

I'm curious about what you're thinking--that someone would grab them or sucker them into something?

[molesters]

I'm a local and in the national curriculum, school kids are taught about molesters in Pri 2 -- ages 7 - 8. I was really surprised about this when both my kids were discussing the subject over the dinner table one night. They were taught about inappropriate touching by strangers. They were also taught about people in authority like teachers and doctors who may touch them, but again only appropriately. Not everything they learned seemed to be entirely correct e.g. they made certain assumptions that just because the person is older or familiar to the child meant he (or she) were safe. But maybe teachers didn't want to confuse the kids too much or make them paranoid.

Separately, going to a police station today for some administrative errands, I saw rows of leaflets and brochures, a few of which were about molest and rape, and how to protect yourselves against such attacks.

This is obviously a common problem for it to be addressed to all local school children, together with drugs, smoking and Singapore history.

As foreigners, I don't know if your girls are more, less or equally vulnerable. On one hand, your girls may mature physically faster than our girls and appear more attractive as "whites" and therefore different; on the other hand, some of these predators may be more intimidated and afraid of Caucasians in general, and thus less likely to prey on them. Or perhaps it makes no difference whatsoever what the girls look like.

Whatever it is, I'm just posting here as a concerned parent and hope you understand that my reasons are not untoward. As someone said earlier, Singapore may seem safer than other countries, but there are unfortunately sick people everywhere.

Please pause and consider. Perhaps nothing has ever happened to anyone in your immediate circle to date so thank goodness for that. Just don't want to sail blithely into hidden rocks!

Peace to all