What shall i do if he takes the kids away?

[blackrain]

Hi all,

We married more than 3 years. I am Singapore PR by my husband (also Singapore PR) who has moved out of our family home since last year for trial separation. May I have your help for a few questions.

1)   I have PR because of him, so can he cancel my PR without my consent, if I have job & CPF – will it makes any different?
2)   What can I do if he takes children to his country without me and don’t bring them back
3)   I have children passports, can he request new passports for them from his country Embassy by saying those passports have been lost?
4)   Is trial separation considered as a deed of separation by law if he wants to divorce me.
5)   What can I do if he doesn’t support us the maintenance anymore while I am looking for the job?  (He wants the kids to his custody, so he may force me by deduction the maintenance)

He said he would probably not come back home, he asked children and I to move out from family home (condo) and rent it out to earn enough money to support him living outside, then we have to rent another place cheaper. He already sold the family car overnight, re-mortgaged the house to support him to live alone since last year.

I know it has been painful for us all but I am afraid I will lose the kids because he is the main driver of family, thank you very much for your help in advance.
Thank you so much,



   
 

[kd]

My heart goes out to you.  I'm sorry I can't answer any of your questions but you may wish to contact the women's support group called AWARE.  They will have many of the answers you are looking for.  It is very rare for any court to award custody of the children to the father, rather than the mother, so I think that is an unlikely scenario.  I wish you luck.

[jalanperak]

My heart goes out to you.  I'm sorry I can't answer any of your questions but you may wish to contact the women's support group called AWARE.  They will have many of the answers you are looking for.  It is very rare for any court to award custody of the children to the father, rather than the mother, so I think that is an unlikely scenario.  I wish you luck.

That said, I wouldn't take your comments as a reason for complacency. Depending on their citizenship(s), getting new passports for the children probably isn't all that hard, and once they're out of country, they may well be gone forever. The Singapore courts will have virtually zero jurisdiction in civil matters like this outside of Singapore

Agree with your suggestion of AWARE, or any other women's advocacy group. The OP needs real legal assistance, now.

[blackrain]

Hi Kd and Jalanperak,

Thank you so much for your reply, I will contact the support group you have mentioned.  My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years.  Kids and I are still adapting the changes of family.  It is very hard because they are still young (4 and 5).  If he takes the kids to his country, I don't know how to find them as the kids hold passports under his country.  He seems like a different person, I think he may have somebody else.

My heart is wrecking seeing the kids asking many things, esp when they are sad and ask "we are family right?  teacher told me, nobody should be left behind right, mummy?" I held it in, I wish I can cry out loud

thank you again

[kd]

If you have the kids and their passports, is it possible for you to return home to your home country before he has a chance to take them away?  I know you probably don't want to share all your details on an Internet forum, but I can't understand why you haven't already done this.  Take care and I wish you all the best.

[BoardAdmin2]

I wouldn't suggest removing children from a country without the other partners consent or knowledge unless there are dire circumstances (i.e threats of violence etc).  Courts in any country frown on that.

If you have the kids and their passports, is it possible for you to return home to your home country before he has a chance to take them away? 

[so what]

To OP,

There is no need for you to worry too much.
Your husband cannot simply cancel your and your childrens PR.
Also an application for new passports will not work, depending on which country passport your children have, most countries request both the mother and father to sign the application.

I am not sure if I understand the concept of "trial separation".
Basically what you are saying is that you are trying not to live together, but no court separation has been granted?
It sounds you are on an "unofficial break" from each other. This is not a separation according to law.

Maintenance is only awarded by court if you have filed a request for same through family court. This is granted by a court order.
If your husband does not pay the maintenance, he is in breach of the court order.

Singapore law is favourable towards the woman when it comes to custody. The best is to make firm arrangments with your husband and agree on shared custody.
The court seldomly awards soul custody to the father if it cannot be proven that the mother has grossly misconducted.
Your financial situation will be arranged through the court maintenance order.
The father will have to guarantee a reasonable and similar lifestyle to the situation before the separation.

Fortunately for you, your husband cannot simply throw you out of the family home.

What you are lacking is some firm agreement and arrangements with your husband. I suggest you get these on paper as soon as possible.
Indeed as other people suggested you may find help with AWARE, else family court would be a good option.

[JRG]

Dear Blackrain

The people I would ring first is your embassy or consulate to ask for advice with lawyer, etc.

Please give AWARE a ring and find out your legal rights in Singapore. Apparently, if you have lived in Singapore for 3 years as a foreign national, you are able to file for divorce. I'm not 100% sure on this. 

As far as running off with the children, I don't think it is a good idea unless in dire circumstances. It will only confuse the children more.

I have friends who have gone through divorce in Spore and overseas and it is not always true that Spore looks favourably towards women in custody battles especially when it is the woman that has an affair - double standards, i know.

I hope that your husband and yourself are able to come together to do what is best for the children. Maybe sit down together and explain what is going on so that this experience does not creep into their adult lives.

[blackrain]

All,

Thank you so much for your help.

He has moved out and has his own life, eventhough it is trial separation but he said unfortunately we probably won't make it.

He starts to pull away some of the allowance to support his living outside of family home.  He mentioned children and I may have to rent out our family home, and rent a cheaper place outside, he need money too.

Last month, my husband embassy here, will be able to renew my son passport without my signature or my presence. They just need my husband signature as my son is the same as his nationality. It that can be done???

I didn't go back to my country with children, I am here in the hope of children's a better future in term of education and quality of their lives.  Both children also have to enter my country with tourist visa as they don't have my country passport.

I called my country embassy - they said I need my husband consent/presence to issue the new passport.

I have got a job now after being full time housewife all along those years. 

It would be great if anyone can kindly advise, what is deed of separation (by law) that is better than trial separation that we are doing now.  What is the arrangement?

I will join AWARE group next week and again check with my husband embassy.  Now I am also serching for lawyer too.

Thank you again for all the help, appreciate that.

Best regards and have a good day.........