More marital problems

[Roses]

Hello.  I noticed that a few other threads about other women's problems are open ,so I thought I ask a question too.  I have been here on a DP (husband has an EP) for about 18 months.  

We had a lot of problems before we came to Singapore and they have festered and perhaps are worse now.  Recently he has been threatening me with cancelling my DP.  Can he do that?  We have a 5yr old kid.  Can he cancel my DP and have me thrown out of Singapore and keep our child?

All informed advice welcomed.  (We are British citizens).

[Suggest that]

rather than post on here, and risk the torrent of abusive and unhelpful replies you undoubtably will get, you go and get professional advice. I do not mean to sound unsympathetic - this is a terrible situation you are in but I don't think asking for advice on here will help you much.

[redacted]

pp is right.

Chances are you will get flamed.

Perhaps you may want to try the High Com for a bit of info though.

[SAE]

So sorry to hear that you are having problems.  As a pp suggested perhaps a call to the British embassy might help clarify things for you.  I would however consider a trip home for the summer. 

[no flames]

well I won't flame you, it's a horrible situation and he can't be a very nice bloke to threaten you with something like that after you've come all this way from home to be with him.

I'm not sure what the legalities of it are but what I would consider doing if I was in your situation would be to arrange a trip home with your child and simply not return.  You'd have to sneakily pack and perhaps send some of your clothes and things on ahead and then go.  If he travels for business then that'd be an ideal opportunity to do it.  Don't stick around for him to bully you because he does sound like a bully to threaten a thing like that.  But whatever you do, don't threaten him back, just go!

[helpless]

I know this dependant pass makes one feel totally helpless.  Be in charge dont let him bully you. You should try to get away for the hols so he has space to think about your relationship as PP suggested.

[bad idea]

well I won't flame you, it's a horrible situation and he can't be a very nice bloke to threaten you with something like that after you've come all this way from home to be with him.

I'm not sure what the legalities of it are but what I would consider doing if I was in your situation would be to arrange a trip home with your child and simply not return.  You'd have to sneakily pack and perhaps send some of your clothes and things on ahead and then go.  If he travels for business then that'd be an ideal opportunity to do it.  Don't stick around for him to bully you because he does sound like a bully to threaten a thing like that.  But whatever you do, don't threaten him back, just go!

Very bad idea.

While I sympathise with OP this is abduction and neither the UK or Singaporean authorities will look on it well.  This is a very good way to lose custody permanently.  The poster above may think possession is 90% of the law, they are very, very wrong.

As others said, go to High Commission and also talk to a lawyer.

I don't think your husband can easily cancel your DP by the way (but his employer probably can).  That said you can't really do anything for yourself with just a DP, can't rent, get bank stuff etc so pretty much if he cuts you off then you are stuffed.

[bad idea]

Even if your dp gets cancelled you could likely get a ltsvp due to kid.

Still not a good solution.  Can't work, same rent issues etc but you won't get thrown out.

[NYC]

My sympathies to you, OP.

Do speak to a good family lawyer. However, I would be loathe to call your husband names without knowing the real / full situation; the whole event of "festering" may well have been your fault rather than his.

Have a good day.

[no flames]

It's not really abduction as they'd be going back to their home country and possibly their own house back there (assuming they still have one).  The kind of abduction that you're talking about is when one parent is from one country and the children have been born and registered in the other parents country and the foreign parent takes the kids on a 'holiday' and never comes back, therefore removing the children from their home country knowing full well that the other parent won't be granted access to stay in the other country and can't do anything about it.  As both the OP and the nasty husband are British citizens, there's nothing to stop him going to see his child back there whenever he wants to.

However, having said all that, I would be very doubtful that the MOM would cancel a DP of one parent without asking questions about why the child's DP isn't being cancelled, so the OP should probably talk to both MOM and the Brit High Com about this so she knows just where she stands.  She could also talk to the High Com about what would happen were she to return to the UK with the child and not want to come back - would they consider it abduction?  I don't think they would, however were the husband to go back to the UK and try to remove the child back to Singapore at a later date, then I think they certainly would consider it parental abduction.

[bad idea]

No flames

They are all Singapore resident.

Just because you interpret it that way doesn't mean a court will.

As for your example that could also be construed as going home, kid would have right to dual nationality.

In any case, while your heart seems to be in the right place your advice is flat wrong.  Op should see a lawyer

[bad idea]

Not sure if Singapore has signed the convenstion yet but if it has UK would order summary return of the child.  If not it is at courts discretion looking at childs interests.  Nevertheless this is not the way to go.



Cross-border Parental Child Abduction in Singapore Child Abduction in Singapore
The Straits Times reported in October 1997 that the Ministry of Foreign Affairs was considering signing the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.2 It is understood that while Singapore is still not a party to the Convention, it continues to make preparations towards accession.

Recent research at the Family Registry reveals that at least 26 cases of parental child abduction have come to the attention of the Family Court of Singapore in the past five years.3 Lawyers interviewed by the media are of the view that many more cases of child abduction occur without the involvement of the courts. In this study, only instances of international parental child abduction evidenced in court files are analysed.

In this study, principles from s 126 of the Women's Charter4 and the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of Child Abduction are used to define the scope of cases included. Section 126(3) of the Women's Charter provides that:5

where an order for custody is in force, no person shall take the child who is the subject of the custody order out of Singapore except with the written consent of both parents or the leave of the court.

Although s 126(3) appears to limit the provision to cases where 'an order for custody is in force', this limitation is not applied here. Instead, the broader principles in the Hague Convention are also used in the understanding of what constitutes child abduction. The Convention provides that the removal of a child is wrongful if it is in breach of the rights of custody of any person under the law of the State in which the child was habitually resident before the removal. A parent in Singapore generally possesses rights of custody over his or her child whether or not there is an existing court order of custody.6

For the purposes of this study, parental child abduction is taken to have occurred if a child is taken out of Singapore for more than one month, without the consent of both parents, whether or not the parents are married or divorced, and whether or not there are proceedings or court orders with respect to the child. Cases are excluded where there is no evidence or allegation of removal of a child out of the country of the child's habitual residence, even if there may be a court order restraining parents from taking the child out of the jurisdiction based on the parties' suspicion of a future possibility of such removal. This is because the data is intended to capture cases of actual non-consensual removal in or out of Singapore for more than one month.

[why]

There is little point going to the Britsh Embassy to get clarification on the DP. This is because it is a permit issued by the Singapore authorities.

It seems to me the first thing you should do is contact the Singapore authority that issued the DP (presumably the immigration dept) and after you have received their clarification then you can move on to the next step

[ultimately]

Brit hc may be of some help, they are supposed to help Brit nationals with an overseas problem.

Mom will likely give you facts about dp status but little else.

Need a lawyer who specialises in international family law.  Most costly unfortunately but also only way to get details.

Some marriage counsellors, esp those aiming at expats, will have come across this and could maybe also help.

[SAE]

As was advised in another thread perhaps a call to the womens helpline AWARE might be able to help.