More marital problems

[to pp]

Not new to internet.

Op has a serious problem and needs real advice, this is generally not the place to ask for it.

I have no issue with this.  People who assert rights that are incorrect and actually criminal, while well intentioned, is bad.  They should be told this.  You can't kidnap kids as you feel pissed off and this is what they are advising (and theft for some).

Op should see a lawyer this is not an unusual situation.  The issue is, "well I'm a wife so I have custody and ill spend his money to abscond" is bull, illegal and most importantly, horrifically bad advice to someone who is likely in a bad way.

I'd like op to get decent advice.  That is my concern here. You have armchair clueless muppets going "well I'd do this" with no idea of the implications, op should ignore them. Whatever these idiots think abduction is not good advice.  The idea a uk court will go "who cares about someone in Singapore" is so dumb it beggars belief.  Even if they did (they don't) any hope of maintenance is therefore laughable.

Good advice is see a lawyer or counsellor who has seen this several hundred times and knows the law (clear if sg signed, muddled if not) and get proper advice.

[the PP]

The problem with a lawyer that I can see is paying for it.  If you're a so called 'trailing spouse' then pretty much all your money is your husbands and you're basically relying on his love and goodwill to keep the family - if that has broken down then money might be tight for the OP and I doubt her husband would be too happy to see lawyers bills on the credit card as he sounds like he's almost at the stage of chucking her out of the house as it is!

In the UK you can get things like Legal Aid.  There is also the Citizen's Advice Bureau who might not be the right people to contact but they'd be a start and would be able to point the OP in the right direction and then of course there is the benefits agencies who would help out if she was desperate for cash and had split up from her husband.  None of this help and advice is available here for free and so for that reason I'd be tempted to suggest to her that she seeks help in the UK rather than here.  However, the High Commission could be the best place to start here as I would imagine that if they can give her advice it would also be free.

But ultimately she needs to make some plans - going back to the UK does seem like the best option for her and her child and she needs to speak to him about this ASAP. 

As much as it seems that she'd be breaking the law if she just went with the child, so would he be if he tried to cancel her DP and stay here himself with the child and not the wife so while it seems she's in a bit of a corner, I don't think she's got too much to worry about regarding the child - the courts are not going to let a guy who's working 8-6 every day have the child when the mother is sitting there doing nothing..........nor, or so I'm told, are they too keen on men having a maid if there's no woman in the house (although I do know a couple of single dads who have a maid so it seems that it is possible).

But whatever she decides to do, she's not going to do it solely based on what we, a bunch of strangers, on a message board have told her.  She's no doubt been on the phone to family and friends since she posted this topic the other day and will hopefully have made some plans by now.

[to pp]

Sensible post but a couple of points.

If singapore signed the convention (they expressed intent to do so but can't see if they did) court has no option.  If not they look at interest of child and as you point out wife will have no cash (and as before, expecting husband to stump up when you just ran off with his kids isn't very realistic).

Wife could get a ltsvp and stay in singapore, pain yes but not forcibly removed from kids.

If I was her I'd see a marriage counsellor.  While not a lawyer its fairly cheap, given situation husband can't complain and they must have seen this before.  Lawyer next.

[Silverbird]

If OP takes her child back to the Uk for a holiday during the Summer, she can always say that this was verbally agreed between herself and her moronic husband. She will have access to Legal Aid and benefits in the UK and lots of free advice from places such as the Citizens Advice Bureau, womens organisations that actually are effective, etc. She can say that she changed her mind (as a very sensible PP has suggested) or was afraid to come back because of verbal threats made by said husband. Op, buy a recording device and tape any conversations and phone calls with your husband going forward. You can use this as evidence of threats and intimidation, etc. Of course, be VERY careful what you say to him as he may be doing the same thing.

The authorities here are not interested in the woes of foreigners and they have not signed that treaty,BTW. In fact, a parent here can hide their child from the other parent within Singapore and be totally within their rights, as happened recently with some expats here. Their embassy even refused to provide the mother (also a citizen of the same country) with information about her children's wherabouts. I would not recommend that the Op hides her child in Singapore, but I'd set my sights on a speedy departure with the child for home shores.

[Good grief]

Op, buy a recording device and tape any conversations and phone calls with your husband going forward. You can use this as evidence of threats and intimidation, etc. Of course, be VERY careful what you say to him as he may be doing the same thing.

You really are a empty headed twit PP. How old are you ?

[Been There Done Etc]

Obviously older and wiser than you, you sad little appendage.

[try this]

Anyone who puts his wife & kids on the street is not of sound mind.  If she leaves with the kid because of his behaviour then nobody could argue with that - see a lawyer.

[Good grief]

Obviously older and wiser than you, you sad little appendage.

Older and wiser and still believe in "I spy" games. And IOU call others SAD ?

 

Likje I said ... an empty headed twit !

[LOLs]

I love it when people call themselves 'Good Grief' - you can almost imagine them sitting there at their PC shouting in horror at the screen    

[skinnystiletto]

Am at a loss knowing that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with young, asian women - do I leave or work things out?

[good advice]

Am at a loss knowing that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with young, asian women - do I leave or work things out?

Lose the excess pounds, get a tan, grow your hair and try and compete ?

[superficial]

puleeze. why package yourself to suit HIM?

do it ...  only if it pleases YOU to change yourself into what PP suggested.
don't do all that jsst to try keep a dude. have some self-respect.

he's not worth it, if that's all he values you for.

good luck.

[skinnysti]

Am at a loss knowing that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with young, asian women - do I leave or work things out?

Lose the excess pounds, get a tan, grow your hair and try and compete ?

I'm a young, attractive woman myself - have just invested too much emotions and time into the relationship, only to know that when I was going through a rough patch, he decided to seek other women...

[Easy answer]

Am at a loss knowing that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with young, asian women - do I leave or work things out?

What's to work out ? Move along !

Lose the excess pounds, get a tan, grow your hair and try and compete ?

I'm a young, attractive woman myself - have just invested too much emotions and time into the relationship, only to know that when I was going through a rough patch, he decided to seek other women...

[skinnysti]

but he wants me back and wants to work on the relationship...am torn and still grieving