Jealous justified, or totally overreacting?

[chitown]

I don't know if I'm overreacting. Please help!!

As a man, my tendency is to say that you're overreacting.  However, if I knew my girlfriend was freaking out over my having dinner with an old flame, I would invite her along.   If your boyfriend didn't invite you, then you might have reason to be a little concerned. 

Even if you're a totally insecure person, this is something you two should be able to talk about.  No doubt your insecurities will flare up again after you're married.  You and he need to be able to talk you down from the ledge.  ...so to speak.

[britmum]

Go with him next time he meets up with her. That way there can't be any flirting from either one of them and she might get the message that he is off limits.

  If it was as innocent as he says, he would invite you to come along - at least once.  That he hasn't says a lot!

Definitely. And if they were good friends he would want you both to meet...

[catch 22]

as all the other posters have been saying ... insecurity or not, he should pay some respect to your feelings and discomfort.

either invite you along to show you really there's nothing going (that's good reverse psychology skills for him too) or try do something to change the situation - discuss, and compromise.

it's selfish to keep doing what he want, regardless and hope you will understand..

i agree with a pp that this is not an uncommon situation.
if your dude's personality is thus when he encounters some girl... and your reactions are also thus each time = fireworks looming in your marriage.

besides, it should NOT be your mission to constantly police your husband.

[non-AM]

Lady here, getting married soon in 6 months.
I do think this is a opportunity, give him a break and see what he does. After all, you shouldn't be the one always telling him that's not appropriate or disrespectful to you. If he loves you enough, cares about you, he should know what to and what not to do.
It is better to know before than after got married, warn him the situation, and see what happen.

[Good luck]

Lady here, getting married soon in 6 months.
I do think this is a opportunity, give him a break and see what he does. After all, you shouldn't be the one always telling him that's not appropriate or disrespectful to you. If he loves you enough, cares about you, he should know what to and what not to do.
It is better to know before than after got married, warn him the situation, and see what happen.

 for your upcoming marriage.
I note that you're heavily into communication huh ?

[Completely justified]

You're not overreacting.  You have every reason to feel that something just isn't right.  When I read your post I feel annoyed at your partner rather than his old flame.  Here's my view - If he were considerate and your feelings were sufficiently important to him, then he would stop seeing her and messaging her altogether. A woman's feelings do not have to be completely rational or logical or make sense to a guy each and every time, to make legitimate a reason for him to change his behaviour; the fact that you are upset and his behaviour what is upsetting you should be enough reason for him to stop behaving that way. 
A man who loves you should place you & your feelings as number 1. Unless of course you're asking something ridiculously extreme such as asking him to stop seeing his family, which in this case, you're not. 
Sorry if what I'm saying hits the hard spot in any way. I've just experienced it before - you think you're being oversensitive and overreacting and feel guilty about it, when you shouldn't be feeling that way at all.
Good luck.

[Aye]

Bottom line, it's inappropriate. I personally think that emotional infidelity is of greater concern than sexual infidelity.

[Human animals]

We all want to feel like our partner places us above all others. That is only human. However. Being human we all like to feel engaged, interested, flattered, fluttery, you get me? I do sympathise with the OP but get a grip. To expect our 'other half' to always  behave exactly as we would like them to is naive at best and utterly controlling at worst. If you feel so threatened by this then maybe you need to consider your expectations of 'married life'. I know many couples who apparently only operate socially within (agreed?) parameters but the fact remains one has free will. i would never want to be with a man who could/did only ever meet up with other men or had to include me if he fancied a night out with a female/s. I know i wouldn't want them to have female 'mates' they hung out with more than me but you know, it is very healthy to have friends of both sexes AND be able to see them socially without your 'partner'. Life is short. Expand and grow.

[catch 22]

yes pp (@ Human Animals).... but ask most males if they like you hanging out solely with one male == alone, in a cosy dinner setting .. over wine.

unless that close pal is gay (and your partner knows it) ... i think the answer in many cases is no. male egos in general don't allow it.
(or your mate really doesn't care that much anyway about you).


yes and no.
some couples lead seperate lives, respecting each other's passions, growth, development etc ... and the end result? get disconnected from each other. or eventually form a strong bond with someone else that shares their particular passion.

some males do not establish boundaries, or lack a stop button (immediate gratification comes into play). they may NOT set out intending for something to start .. but once the other party makes overtures ... these males (egos rule! thinking with the right head may become a challenge).

ie they might actually feel flattered, and eventually respond.
only you know your own mate and his personality best (even then ... do we really? humans are complex animals, esp when put to the test. and there's also the the fact "no one will know"). Tiger Woods, anyone?

female intuition or whatever ..  gut-feeling can be spot on sometimes. should OP just ignore her feelings and swallow her discomfort?

[Maybe harsh]

He would at a minimum have fingered her.  Sorry.

[scarbowl]

Bottom line, it's inappropriate. I personally think that emotional infidelity is of greater concern than sexual infidelity.

  I would argue that point.  But I'd also say sexual unavailability is the moral equivalent of having an affair.   Too many (men,usually) are condemned for having an affair while their partner (women,usually) decide that sex in marriage is optional.   

[superblog]

Hey.
I'd be both angry with my man and her. First my man - for telling me. What use from this information could one possibly have? Second - I'd hate her too, for NOT respecting him. But as they say, it takes 2 to tango..

I am a very flirty person myself, but doing what she did, is too much, unless he gave her the right signals.
Be mean, be angry, but at the same time, be proud that someone else likes your man!

[ifitwasme]

Maybe you could cool things over by suggesting a 3 some that way you would kno what he is doing at all times.

If this girl is an aussie you have nothing to worry about....................she will be large or a fashion disaster

[Nexttime]

Next time simply go with him and be introduced.....better to see with your own eyes and set the record straight if need be. She might be a nice person...

[mortel]

I am a man and I understand your distress. He should have taken you along if it was all innocent. After all, you and this lady have something in common: him. I guarantee you that are many males out there that would be more considerate (at least in the open and this close to marriage). I would postpone the wedding if I were you.