Working Relationships with Singapore Colleagues

[Frustrated]

I'm a PR working in an MNC on local terms and pay. Lately, I've noticed a few disconcerting changes in behaviour of some of my Chinese colleagues and Chinese manager.

It seemed ok at first when I joined the team though there was a chap who seemed a little nosy and started asking abt my wages and if I had any connections to another boss(an "ang mo") who'd hired me, but has recently left the company.

Lately however, I've gradually been excluded from lunches and informal project meetings and if I happened to be present, the conversation at the table would be entirely in Mandarin although they are fluent in English!

My manager ignores my concerns and seems to encourage the situation by ridiculing me in front of them from time to time.

I can only conclude that there is something going on but I don't know what exactly. To make it worse, I've noticed that a few of them are from the "old boys school" network.

Things became obvious when none of them attended my wedding recently to a local chinese girl.

Any advice cos everyone's giving me the cold silent treatment. I have tried finding out if I had offended anyone by chance but no one's talking.

Much appreciated.

[Leaf]

I think you'd better make like a tree and leave! (That is what they want!) Or, get help from above to "confirm" your job, position, role and duties etc.  It will only get worse and their goal is to make it very uncomfortable for you until you DO leave!

[Join The Club]

I knowthe feeling. My PA and otehrs talk in Mandarin all the time, and often you can tell it's about you. The issue is that we have all become far to politically correct. As a rule (whilst in the UK) we observed that English was the office language, indeed some of our asian colleagues at the lower end of the food chain were repremanded for ganging together and talking in Urdu, Bengali etc. However, here we seem to allow it because it seems like the easier option. I can only resort to calling people back home and having a good old cockney chat and they haven't a clue. Of course you are all familiar with "the weakest link" cockney ryhming slang.... if not work it out
As for your bosses, like mine they are weak and rude. You'll never win this one, but you can have a great time trying, and no dont leave..

[JuzSurfin]

Quite frankly, I think it sounds like a Singaporean thing. People here are brought up in a competetive society and develop a "Kiasu" mentality. (Always must win and afraid to lose.)

Best of luck mate.

[prc]

I have noticed many workers from PRC (China) do not mix socially even with Singaporean colleagues. This can seem like they isolate themselves. I have also noticed some PRC's are overly protective of information, even if needed for company purposes they would hold it for themselves. Wonder if this is common practice in China? In the West, info. is regarded as belonging to the company not the individual.

[Frustrated]

Thanks for your replies. I'd like to try and stick this one out for a while. Are there any organisations I can turn to in Singapore that deal with harrassment at work?

[Screwy County]

What can I say? Singapore does have the NTUC, but we all know its a lame duck. If collars have it bad, then the exco has nowhere to turn to. This is Singapore Inc. Join a party, and that's where you get help or get sued.

[Local Girl]

Ignore them. Some people seems to be very narrow-minded and you wouldn't even know where you have done wrong to deserve such treatment.

Some of my colleagues also behaved such way towards me. When I got married, all of them accept my invitation. 3 days before, all of them told me they couldn't attend (made up 2 tables) and tore up the cards in front of me. Don't even know where I have gone wrong. I even made special arrangement for individual servings (additional charges) for people with special dietary concern.

[Local Girl]

Oh I forgot. Some local Chinese (usually of the older generation) tend to think that they are entitled to know your salary, when you decide to start family, blahblah blah.

Whenever these people ask me such questions, I retort by saying:

- "Why don't you tell me how much you and your family members are getting?" This usually shut them up

- "Are you going to bring up the kid for me?"

But then, I have been called rude and disrespectful by these people.

[wet pants]

First of all, I sympathize with you.

Secondly, can you face it with a good humour - have you tried? Don't take it so personally, don't take it too hard on yourself because it will only get worse.

Chances are if you have this mindset that they're talking about you and taking it on a negative way, you will become bitter and it will show. Maybe you just have to find a *different* way of relating to them. But again, first of all take it positively, try to joke about those things you "hate" now.

I know it sounds difficult, but if you want to stick in, then I think that's the best way, rather than getting yourself frustated.....

[T2K]

Dirty office politics.  You can't "win" this one by acting or behaving differently.  You could turn things around if they see you are in good with a 'towkay' (ie one of the big bosses) and have his support.  Or, if you are known as the key contact for an important client.

Othwerwise, just collect the paychecks and don't take it too seriously.  These people can't fire you, they can only try and make you quit.  Have some fun with it.

[To frustrated]

I understand how you must feel...
If I were you, I would probably start looking elsewhere for a job. It's one thing if your co-workers don't respect you but if the managers are in the same boat as them, then I don't see the point in staying and being miserable.

To Local Girl, it is really ridiculous that those people call you rude since they were the ones who were rude in the first place! And please, don't anyone tell me that it's a cultural thing and bla bla bla.
Those people know very well that it impolite to ask those questions.

[Linguita]

Be positive. Try taking up simple Mandarin to show that you are trying?

Do a self-check. How are you usually dressed? What's your mannerism like in the office?

Buy some simple snacks for the collegues during one teabreak? I realise that locals lovvve to snack.

[Manners]

Side Topic

Are personal questions really not considered rude? I am physically disabled (expat) and I have been asked hundreds of times what is wrong with me. It happens on the street, in shops, restaurants etc without the total stranger even saying hello first. I can't always tell the nationality but they are always Asian. In the UK the same also applies in Indian restaurants!
Also it seems that only westerners offer assistance (not as often as at home).
I have a fairly thick skin but have assumed it is a cultural thing.

[quirky]

manners: try to take it in a positive light and that they ask you cos maybe, just maybe they care to want to know...

it's funny isn't it.. us Asians are known to not say what we really think but at other times, we say and ask things way outrightly...

to the original poster: if you quit, they win..if you don't, it will eat you up..
you can't win here unfortunately.. move on