Boyfriend wants a baby, but I'm not so sure

[d'uh straight back]

Contrary to many of the words to which you refer which are now deemed politically incorrect, the word Bastard is factually correct.  It is not slang.  There is no slur intended in its derivation.  It is quite simply the correct term for a child born of unmarried parents.  If people are so sensitive about it perhaps they should refrain from having children to whom the term may be applied!

[just because]

A word is in the dictionary and has a theoretically valid use doesn't mean it won't be taken in offense.  The general use of that term is an abusive one (including the original use here, while technically correct was obviously intended to insult) so get off your high horses about it being a real word with valid use so it's all ok.

For some reason Gordon Brown took offense at being called a one ayed Scottish idiot, which bit of that was incorrect?  Had loads of people bounding up and down about the one eyed bit, end of the day he only has one eye so what was the problem?

Plenty of things you can call almost any race which is factual but will be taken in offense.  Skin colour, eye shape, stature etc.  What about the use of the word retard?  How about a disabled person and greeting them with "hello spastic", is that ok in your book?

[Point of Order]

On what planet are "spastic" and "retard" correct terms?  They are nothing more than pejorative epithets.  If you are going to make an analogy, it has to hold up.

[scarbowl]

The not being married thing shouldn't be too much of an issue if you're both committed.  For some people they need that ring on their finger to feel secure but everyone's relationships are different and it's not for us to judge whether or not you should get married. 

   I strongly disagree with that.  As was previously pointed out, the chances that an unmarried relationship will survive the birth of a child is much lower than the odds of a marriage.  And those odds aren't so great.  The one who suffers the most from this is the child followed by the mom. 

It's not in any woman's best interests to decide to have a child with someone who isn't sufficiently committed to marry her.

That is a real consideration and one that more women should deliberate before making the decision to have a baby/

[d'uh]

Contrary to many of the words to which you refer which are now deemed politically incorrect, the word Bastard is factually correct.  It is not slang.  There is no slur intended in its derivation.  It is quite simply the correct term for a child born of unmarried parents.  If people are so sensitive about it perhaps they should refrain from having children to whom the term may be applied!

It may be factually correct to you, but it's not really acceptable is it?  The word illegitimate is probably better if you really do have to stick a label on that child............and why would you want to do that by the way, are you so hopelessly insecure yourself that you feel the need to call a kid names?

[Creepy post]

If people are so sensitive about it perhaps they should refrain from having children to whom the term may be applied!

Ugh! Is my mother-in-law on this forum now?

[fareastjunebug]

On what planet are "spastic" and "retard" correct terms?  They are nothing more than pejorative epithets.  If you are going to make an analogy, it has to hold up.

You check a dictionary.  Both would be perfectly ok in a game of scrabble.

In any case the other points are valid, plenty of ways to be abusive while using technically legitimate words, racist use of skin colour or ethnic descriptions is an obvious one, locals seem to like doing this constantly, they don't appear to like it the other way round much though.

To make the point, you can find the Spastic Children's Association of Singapore in Pasir Ris. It's a good resource for families with children that have cerebral palsy.

[Not Oxford Dik]

A child born out of wedlock is not a bastard by any means.

However not knowing who the dad, does make one.

So dont worry too much about marriage papers.

Worst case scenario- there are sufficent laws in place to take care of deadbeat dads for their offspring.

But if you as a potential mom prefer not to be one in the first place, what's all this discussion about then ?

[oh gawd]

On what planet are "spastic" and "retard" correct terms?  They are nothing more than pejorative epithets.  If you are going to make an analogy, it has to hold up.

You check a dictionary.  Both would be perfectly ok in a game of scrabble.

In any case the other points are valid, plenty of ways to be abusive while using technically legitimate words, racist use of skin colour or ethnic descriptions is an obvious one, locals seem to like doing this constantly, they don't appear to like it the other way round much though.

To make the point, you can find the Spastic Children's Association of Singapore in Pasir Ris. It's a good resource for families with children that have cerebral palsy.

Yes, that's because Singapore is about a century behind the rest of the world when it comes to special needs. You would find in most countries it would be called "Cerebral Palsy Society" or something to that effect. I have also noticed that some still use the word "retarded" to describe a child who has a learning disability, which is completely inappropriate as well.

Hate to burst your bubble, but Singapore should not be used as an example of anything when it comes to political correctness, or open-mindeness - except maybe as an example of what not to do!

[scarbowl]

"Retarded" may be factually correct as well.  I can't quite understand what the fuss is about with that one.  "Spastic" is also correct and is more descriptive than pejorative except perhaps when you say "Don't be such a retard" or "You're being spas" but that is used among friends.

This all reminds me of an episode of The Office when Michael (office manager) says to Oscar (Hispanic employee) "Is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer?  Something less offensive?" 

[fareastjunebug]

On what planet are "spastic" and "retard" correct terms?  They are nothing more than pejorative epithets.  If you are going to make an analogy, it has to hold up.

You check a dictionary.  Both would be perfectly ok in a game of scrabble.

In any case the other points are valid, plenty of ways to be abusive while using technically legitimate words, racist use of skin colour or ethnic descriptions is an obvious one, locals seem to like doing this constantly, they don't appear to like it the other way round much though.

To make the point, you can find the Spastic Children's Association of Singapore in Pasir Ris. It's a good resource for families with children that have cerebral palsy.

Yes, that's because Singapore is about a century behind the rest of the world when it comes to special needs. You would find in most countries it would be called "Cerebral Palsy Society" or something to that effect. I have also noticed that some still use the word "retarded" to describe a child who has a learning disability, which is completely inappropriate as well.

Hate to burst your bubble, but Singapore should not be used as an example of anything when it comes to political correctness, or open-mindeness - except maybe as an example of what not to do!

It's all in your frame of reference. This is a good organization doing good work. And language means different things to different people. And really, some people are more easily offended than others.

[lolaG]

you are getting married so both committed.  If he really wants children and you don't then call it off and find new partners who want the same things. Saying that - I never saw myself settled, having children - the mere thought of the respionsability, no more lie ins, the guilt of getting it right.  Then got married, sort of talked about having kids one day but never got round to it, never the right time or strong maternal instinct kicking in.  Fell pregnant accidently and was scared shitless - but so glad it hapened or I might never have felt the time was right or 'that special need' to procreate.  Not everyone feels they have to but it can be the best thing you ever do and so glad it happened to me. Just think how you would feel if you never have children - if you think it isn't that important or would ruin your life - then don't do it but tell your other half and don't waste his time.

[Oxfart Dick]

A child born out of wedlock is not a bastard by any means.

However not knowing who the dad, does make one.

You are plain wrong. What - you have compiled your own dictionary?

bas·tard  (bstrd)
n.
1. A child born out of wedlock.
2. Something that is of irregular, inferior, or dubious origin.
3. Slang A person, especially one who is held to be mean or disagreeable.
adj.
1. Born of unwed parents; illegitimate.
2. Not genuine; spurious: a bastard style of architecture.
3. Resembling a known kind or species but not truly such.

[later on]

I was never fond of babies or particularly of kids. All the same when I married my husband at 30 we both assumed that was the next step. I remember telling someone at work who had a baby that I was pregnant. She brought her babe into the office and handed it to me to hold whilst she took a call. It was a horrid feeling...I had not clue how to hold it and no desire to do so. It cried and I had to pass it to someone, anyone, else!!  

Even now two kids later and pregnant with third, I don't feel very good around other people's babies, I don't like all that coo-ing.

...But I bonded with my own from the moment they were born. Temporarilly I was all gooey about them too.

But now I'm more drawn to the more grown up stuff they can do - oldest is starting to give me a good game of tennis, be interested in art galleries, nature walks etc. The older they get the more interesting really...my 9 year old is a great conversationalist when he wants to be, sometimes they really feel like friends.  

So, if you really don't want one, maybe you'll have to let your man go find someone who does if that's the most important thing to him. But for yourself, you may just be focusing on what is a relatively small part of a kid's life - perhaps the idea of having that special relationship with a young person rather than a kid is something worth making the sacrifice for?