marrying a / to a muslim

[sonny]

Hi,

Long story short : just moved to this part of the world earlier this year, met someone really nice.  Planning to take the relationship further, wish to find out if one needs to convert to Islam if planning to be with a Muslim for life in marriage?  Where can I get more information, is there some official Islam authority here or do I seek clarification from the Singapore marriage registry?

Appreciate any advice / information on this.

Thanks.

[not a Muslim]

yes to conversion, once you marry a Muslim. part of their religion.

it's way stricter in M'sia where i believe a Muslim would be considered somewhat if an outcast if partner does not convert.

all the best.

[sonny]

Thanks for the speedy response! 

Is it acceptable in Singapore then - while i cant tell what's going to happen in the future, am not planning on asking for a transfer to our Malaysia office anytime soon 

[To OP]

I am a muslim.  The Islamic law is that if you are a female, you do not have to convert to marry a Muslim husband.  If you are a male you do.  (From your post I could not establish your gender).

Of course, depending on how liberal or strict you, your partner and your respective families are, you can just ignore the whole thing and have a civil ceremony or convert in name only or go the whole way and become a muslim.

[sonny]

Thank you again for the reply.

Our genders had been kept deliberately vague, didnt realise there'd be a difference in the guideline!  Is this universal, happens everywhere that Islam is practiced?

Nah... dont fancy converting to Islam 'in name', it's against my personal principles .  Since i might be spending a lot of my future time with a Muslim, will just read up on the religion - makes engaging conversations, wont it? 

[singapore law]

I am a muslim.  The Islamic law is that if you are a female, you do not have to convert to marry a Muslim husband.  If you are a male you do.  (From your post I could not establish your gender).

Of course, depending on how liberal or strict you, your partner and your respective families are, you can just ignore the whole thing and have a civil ceremony or convert in name only or go the whole way and become a muslim.

You don't need to convert at all. Either way around, period. Under Singapore law which trumps all other religious laws men and women can marry who they please.

I know, because I did it, right here. You don't even need to convert in name only as the PP suggests. There is a lot of accepted wisdom out there that is just plain not true...... if you can be bothered to find out for yourself.

Now, that said, you partner must also be OK with this and the possible ramifications it will have with him/her on their relationship with their family. For me it was take me the way I am or leave it - after all I'm not forcing you to change & if you want me to change, then you are really looking for someone else in the first place.

When I get asked about conversion by muslims I just tell them I am quite OK with it, but I didn't force it down her throat & let my wife keep her faith anyway.

The look you get is priceless, totally beyond their world view to be able to see from the other side and hypocrisy of it all......

[To OP]

Thank you again for the reply.

Our genders had been kept deliberately vague, didnt realise there'd be a difference in the guideline!  Is this universal, happens everywhere that Islam is practiced?

Nah... dont fancy converting to Islam 'in name', it's against my personal principles .  Since i might be spending a lot of my future time with a Muslim, will just read up on the religion - makes engaging conversations, wont it? 

Sonny, As I described, it does make a difference under the Muslim Law whether you are male or female. 

What PP says is about Singaporean civil law about which I have scant knowledge and cannot comment but the muslim law is not affected by the country you live in.  It is the same law regardless of where you live (the same  situation applies to the Talmudic and Torah Law for the Jews). 

Whether you and your other half wish to practise it is primarily your decision (as influenced by family and friends).  Singapore, being a non-Muslim state, does not force religious law, (I assume).

Good Luck.

[expatgal]

My friend married a muslim guy after converting to Islam, IN NAME ONLY appearntly to mollify his parents. They had an Islamic marriage and after 5 years and with two kids, she had resigned her well paying job to become full time home maker. Her once liberal and non-religious husband suddenly started showing interest in religious affairs and also married another woman. When confronted, he just uttered talakh three times and got rid of his first wife.

Ofcourse this happend in India, I am not sure about the Shariah law in Singapore. I can only suggest you to be careful and get to know the laws affecting the non-muslim spouse before taking any furthur steps.

[not law]

In Singapore you're more likely to get pressure off the family of the Muslim partner than anyone else.

[culture]

OP, if you are a woman, then you may want to start your research on Shariah Law. Singapore has two types of laws: civil law (for everyone who is not Muslim) and Shariah law for those who are.

The expectations of most Muslim families is that the non-Muslim party will give up their religion and culture and convert to their way of living. Apparently, this is due to Islamic law and because it is against Islam to convert to another faith. What most Muslims fail to recognise is that leaving your religion is against Christianity and Judaism too (and probably other faiths, but I don't know enough about this to comment).

It might be fine for the two people in the relationship to keep their faiths separate, but extended families will make lives extremely difficult. Asidce from this, non-Muslim women could find they are left in a terrible predicament if they do not convert as (according to Islamic law) they do not have any rights to their children if anything happens to their husband - anyone born to a Muslim father is automatically Muslim - as the in-laws can take all the money/property and children as she is automatically discounted. It does not matter if he writes a will.

And yes, I speak from first hand experience.

[sonny]

Hey, thank you all for the sharing!

Am afraid I will be keeping our genders vague at the moment for personal reasons, but am just as interested to find out the differences in guidelines for a muslim lady planning to be with a non-muslim guy vs a non-muslim lady with a muslim guy. 

So far, I gather there are differing views on whether one needs to convert, and I appreciate that all these might be first-hand experiences - can I just clarify if these are first-hand experiences in Singapore? 

[culture]

To have a Muslim wedding (nikah) in Singapore, you must have TWO Muslim parties - ie: yes, someone has to convert.

I think it is also worth pointing out that the differences between a Muslim Indian family and a Muslim Malay family will affect how your conversion (or not) is perceived, and what your role in the family/marriage is expected to be...

[mca]

you can get more answers at the muslims converts association in sg.

you can attend their free weekend corse/talk on the religion.  they ae not pushy and actually do not encourage conversion if you dont believe and want to do it just for marriage

[Be Happy]

Do whats right for you both and dont heed the judgement of others.

Of course, it is a new direction for your life, and there are all sorts of matters to consider especially if or when you decide to have children one day. I have a lot of muslim friends and they are happy, warm, wonderful, loving and very peaceful people to be around and really not any different from me.  They love their wives & kids, they love good food, good music, cars, sport and all the same things I love.

What matters most is that you both really love each other and that you both want that love to keep growing. 

That alone is worth staying together for.

I really wish you both all the best -  you can both work this out and have the future that you both want.

Dont listen to opinions from bigots, and narrow minded village idiots.

[also consider]

Muslim marriages are a contract between the husband and the bride's father. It is essentially a gentlemen's agreement between them. The bride is often not even in the room during the ceremony. For this reason, Muslim marriages are not recognised in many countries. Your fiance's family are likely to have a major problem with a civil wedding on the other hand, so you really have to think about what is important to you. I strongly suggest that you think seriously about where you are going to live and how you want your future children (particularly daughters) to be raised. Converting to Islam will end up having a huge impact on these things no matter what people may tell you now about it being 'just for paper'.