Waking up in cold sweats due to move...

[Stressamundo]

The other thread about leaving got me thinking. We have been told that we are moving back to the UK in 18 months. I am very happy with this idea as I do not like it here and I have really tried to give it a good go (8 years!) However, I have been waking up having panic attacks! I know what it is all about. My son goes to a really good school and is happy here. Even though he is only 7 and not totally submerged into the system yet, I am panicking over his schooling. I have visions of moving home and him telling me that he "hates it". There are plus sides I can see for him though. He'll have grandparents he adores round the corner, he'll have a big house and garden, we are getting dog and if I cannot find a decent state school I can send him to a private one. I do have other kids, but they are babies and they won't know what's going on

Am I worrying over nothing? Can anyone who has recently moved back to the UK share any experiences. How can I make the transition easier. I am feeling really guilty about taking him away from this disneyland environment.

P.s. Yes, I know the UK has issues

[Blaze]

Are you PR here? If yes, you have to register him for NS when he's 16...

[You should be worried]

The other thread about leaving got me thinking. We have been told that we are moving back to the UK in 18 months. I am very happy with this idea as I do not like it here and I have really tried to give it a good go (8 years!) However, I have been waking up having panic attacks! I know what it is all about. My son goes to a really good school and is happy here. Even though he is only 7 and not totally submerged into the system yet, I am panicking over his schooling. I have visions of moving home and him telling me that he "hates it". There are plus sides I can see for him though. He'll have grandparents he adores round the corner, he'll have a big house and garden, we are getting dog and if I cannot find a decent state school I can send him to a private one. I do have other kids, but they are babies and they won't know what's going on

Am I worrying over nothing? Can anyone who has recently moved back to the UK share any experiences. How can I make the transition easier. I am feeling really guilty about taking him away from this disneyland environment.

P.s. Yes, I know the UK has issues

Chances are that after his initial "celebrity" as sonmeone who has lived overseas, he'll start to get picked on and bullied "oh, you're the kid who thinks he's special because he's from overseas?"  <SMACK>! Watch out for that...he'll be different and different isn't good for kids that age.

[What the ?????]

The other thread about leaving got me thinking. We have been told that we are moving back to the UK in 18 months. I am very happy with this idea as I do not like it here and I have really tried to give it a good go (8 years!) However, I have been waking up having panic attacks! I know what it is all about. My son goes to a really good school and is happy here. Even though he is only 7 and not totally submerged into the system yet, I am panicking over his schooling. I have visions of moving home and him telling me that he "hates it". There are plus sides I can see for him though. He'll have grandparents he adores round the corner, he'll have a big house and garden, we are getting dog and if I cannot find a decent state school I can send him to a private one. I do have other kids, but they are babies and they won't know what's going on

Am I worrying over nothing? Can anyone who has recently moved back to the UK share any experiences. How can I make the transition easier. I am feeling really guilty about taking him away from this disneyland environment.

P.s. Yes, I know the UK has issues

Chances are that after his initial "celebrity" as sonmeone who has lived overseas, he'll start to get picked on and bullied "oh, you're the kid who thinks he's special because he's from overseas?"  <SMACK>! Watch out for that...he'll be different and different isn't good for kids that age.

What an absolute load of rubbish! 

[Not at all]

The other thread about leaving got me thinking. We have been told that we are moving back to the UK in 18 months. I am very happy with this idea as I do not like it here and I have really tried to give it a good go (8 years!) However, I have been waking up having panic attacks! I know what it is all about. My son goes to a really good school and is happy here. Even though he is only 7 and not totally submerged into the system yet, I am panicking over his schooling. I have visions of moving home and him telling me that he "hates it". There are plus sides I can see for him though. He'll have grandparents he adores round the corner, he'll have a big house and garden, we are getting dog and if I cannot find a decent state school I can send him to a private one. I do have other kids, but they are babies and they won't know what's going on

Am I worrying over nothing? Can anyone who has recently moved back to the UK share any experiences. How can I make the transition easier. I am feeling really guilty about taking him away from this disneyland environment.

P.s. Yes, I know the UK has issues

Chances are that after his initial "celebrity" as sonmeone who has lived overseas, he'll start to get picked on and bullied "oh, you're the kid who thinks he's special because he's from overseas?"  <SMACK>! Watch out for that...he'll be different and different isn't good for kids that age.

What an absolute load of rubbish! 

Have you ever been to school in the UK?  Sent an expat kid back?  It's common.  Kids attain an initial degree of celebrity because they are from somewhere different...then resentment builds in...and a comment like "oh, in Singapore/HK we did..."  Then "Oh did you? Well, here we do THIS!"  <WALLOP>.  There are numerous articles about how difficult it is for expat kids to settle back in their home country...do some googling.  UK is a nightmare for returning kids.

[agree with pp]

"reverse culture shock" is the phrase used.  Moves back home are far tougher for kids.

[Maybe he]

will encounter these kinds of problems, maybe (hopefully) he won't. But it doesn't hurt to prepare for it. The problem is that living here makes you soft. To me, kids here grow up sweeter and keep their innocence for longer. It's nice, but they are not used to the kind of anti-social behaviour you may get at schools in the UK.

He needs to know that he can talk to you about anything and that he must tell you if anything like this happens. You must constantly monitor the situation.

Not all would agree, but he has to be able to defend himself, look after himself when you can't be there to protect him. So I'm Muay Thai training my 12 year old before my move to Oz, for self defense and confidence only (I've drilled that in since day one).

[excellent post]

will encounter these kinds of problems, maybe (hopefully) he won't. But it doesn't hurt to prepare for it. The problem is that living here makes you soft. To me, kids here grow up sweeter and keep their innocence for longer. It's nice, but they are not used to the kind of anti-social behaviour you may get at schools in the UK.

He needs to know that he can talk to you about anything and that he must tell you if anything like this happens. You must constantly monitor the situation.

Not all would agree, but he has to be able to defend himself, look after himself when you can't be there to protect him. So I'm Muay Thai training my 12 year old before my move to Oz, for self defense and confidence only (I've drilled that in since day one).

spot on

[SAE]

I have recently just moved back to the UK (4 months now) and have had the most wonderful experience.  I told my kids not to flaunt where they had been on holiday eg Bali many times, Thailand etc etc etc and they have been fine.  They have had the celebrity status (esp. my 13 year old daughter. my 10 year old boy not so much) but that has calmed down now and they have settled in.  As my daughter said to her one friend 'yes I have been to great places in Asia and I am lucky but you guys are all really lucky as well as you have been to Europe and this is what I have always wanted'.  The key is to get yourself into a good area and you will find that the people will be more accepting of your expat life.  Your son will be about 9 when you move and to be honest kids at that age are more interested in how well you kick a ball than where you used to live.  My kids love it here, we also got a puppy and some cats and they love walking in the woods with the dog, going for bike rides, calling on friends who live up the road, making permanent friends - ones who arent going to move in a years time, enjoying friends during the holidays as they havent all done the expat exedus home for the summer, playing in the park (without sweating buckets) walking to school, seeing family, playing in the garden, great shopping - all the good things that the UK offers. Try not to worry OP. 

[OP]

SAE,

I've seen you on the site over the past few years. Aren't you originally from S.Africa? Your thread really cheered me up, thanks.

[I did it]

I was the expat kid who went back home, and to be perfectly honest, nobody gave a hoot where I'd been living. Not one kid related to my experience, or really knew where it was that I'd even lived, they all judged me on the typical things a child judges other children on. In my case, I wore something on my first day of school that turned out to be so hideously out-of-touch at the time that I was remembered more for that. And now, so many years on I still get teased by one of my best friends, who I met for the first time on that day. Yes, I was "poncho girl."

That may be the hardest part. Kids might not give any preferential treatment, they just might not relate or even care to try. In my case it didn't bother me, but you may want to prepare for that possibility.

[SAE]

SAE,

I've seen you on the site over the past few years. Aren't you originally from S.Africa? Your thread really cheered me up, thanks.

I am a British expat kid who spent 16 years in SA but have grown up traveling the world so I knew what I was getting into when my husband got the travel bug.  An interesting read is the book called 'Third Culture Kids', I found it insightful not only for myself but also for my children.  What I would seriously recommend doing esp after chatting to other fellow expats here in England is travel more - enjoy your stint in Asia and see as much of it as possible, don't waste your time going home for the holidays there is plenty of time for you to do that.  So many people I have met here who spent time in Asia say their biggest regret is not seeing more of the region as they always came home for the summer and Christmas holidays.   

[Sweats...really?]

OP If you're waking up in a cold sweat 18 months out from a move maybe you should see someone? Just saying.

[OP]

I have lived in SP for 8 years but in total 14 in Asia. I think I have pretty much been there and done it. I don't mean that arrogantly. I hardly ever went home for the holidays, instead heading for Australia or NZ. I have made a list of places to go before we leave that I want to see and it's not a very long list!

[going soon]

The other thread about leaving got me thinking. We have been told that we are moving back to the UK in 18 months. I am very happy with this idea as I do not like it here and I have really tried to give it a good go (8 years!) However, I have been waking up having panic attacks! I know what it is all about. My son goes to a really good school and is happy here. Even though he is only 7 and not totally submerged into the system yet, I am panicking over his schooling. I have visions of moving home and him telling me that he "hates it". There are plus sides I can see for him though. He'll have grandparents he adores round the corner, he'll have a big house and garden, we are getting dog and if I cannot find a decent state school I can send him to a private one. I do have other kids, but they are babies and they won't know what's going on

Am I worrying over nothing? Can anyone who has recently moved back to the UK share any experiences. How can I make the transition easier. I am feeling really guilty about taking him away from this disneyland environment.

P.s. Yes, I know the UK has issues

I think your kids will be fine to be honest.  We'll be doing the same in 12 months or so with teenagers and I'm really not that bothered about it and they're quite happy at the prospect too (we've been out here since they were in nappies so it's not as if they know a life that's much different).

We are preparing them all we can, talking to them about the nasty kids likely to be in school, the (majority!) rubbish weather, the tiny pokey houses etc, but they go back from time to time, they know most of the family live in houses that make Coronation Street look spacious, that having a pool isn't the norm, that bowling alleys, cinemas and skating rinks are not going to be a $7 cab ride away..............and they still seem keen on the idea (perhaps they've had too much sun!).

So I think you'll be fine with a 7 year old.  It may take 6 months or so, but he will probably settle quicker than you will.  I'm kind of looking forward to going back and kind of not - we won't be near family so it'll be a bit like being here but with crap weather 

Good luck with it all