Friend problems

[Teenproblem]

If my daughter's schoolmate/friend for years suddenly encourages her to lie to us (parents)
how can we help her? She looks up to this schoolmate friend and they are in the same class for 3 years. Same bunch of friends etc. My daughter says she feels very uncomfortable, but a little afraid to be alienated by her peers for fear of what her schoolmate might say about her in front of others.

The gist about the lie was being at the mall instead of at the local library.

She is a teenager, so any advice would be appreciated.

[mallvslibrary]

Look, I used to tell my parents we were going to the roller disco and we went to the Pub. I used to get my Dad to drive us to the next town to the youth club disco and we went to the pub. Kids tell lies to their parents as they don't think they will be allowed to do stuff.

As a teenager I definitely wouldn't want to be going to the library all the time. I would want to be going to the mall too. Instead of lying to you why can't she just tell her friend that she is telling you where she is going. Doesn't sound like a biggie to me. She's not snorting coke but windows shopping in Century21. There's not much harm she can do there unless she has your credit card.

[rollerdiscofan]

The roller disco sounds more fun than the pub.

Tell her she can go to the mall and she doesn't need to lie. Would that work?

[You Don't Get It]

Teenagers go to the mall with their friends.   If anyone feels they have to lie about that, then you should revisit some of your parenting rules.

It's a good thing that your daughter has been honest with you - plenty of reason that you should trust her ...

Your kids are going to grow up whether you like it or not - loosen those apron strings a little and encourage your daughter to continue to be honest.

Her friend probably thinks you are a dinosaur, hence the encouragement to lie.   

[why lie?]

Is there a reason why she'd lie about going to the library?  Do you let her go to the mall sometimes or are you a 'study parent', the kind of person who sees weekends and evenings as more study time rather than leisure time?  I'm not having a go at you, but going to the mall seems like such a tame thing that I wonder why she'd felt that she may need to lie about it in the first place.

Unless of course it is the friend's parents who are the study parents and the friend may have assumed that you were the same.

But either way, I think that she needs to understand that going to places like the mall, the cinema, the bowling alley are not things worthy of having to lie about...............renting a chalet at Costa Sands with a bunch of teenagers of the opposite sex and partying the night away on the other hand is rather more worthy of lie     She needs to get her priorities right 

[Aaaaah]

Is there a reason why she'd lie about going to the library?  Do you let her go to the mall sometimes or are you a 'study parent', the kind of person who sees weekends and evenings as more study time rather than leisure time?  I'm not having a go at you, but going to the mall seems like such a tame thing that I wonder why she'd felt that she may need to lie about it in the first place.

Unless of course it is the friend's parents who are the study parents and the friend may have assumed that you were the same.

But either way, I think that she needs to understand that going to places like the mall, the cinema, the bowling alley are not things worthy of having to lie about...............renting a chalet at Costa Sands with a bunch of teenagers of the opposite sex and partying the night away on the other hand is rather more worthy of lie     She needs to get her priorities right 

LOL!!  I must be a terrible parent because my son told me when they rented the chalet ...

[naughtymummy]

That depends..did you slap him on the back and say whoo hoo, go on my son. Or did you innocently think they would be playing charades and drinking orangina all night?

Naughty, naughty mummy 

[good advice]

My mum used to say to me, when I was a late teen, going to a party or whatever "be good, and if you can't be good, be careful!" 

[Aaaaah]

That depends..did you slap him on the back and say whoo hoo, go on my son. Or did you innocently think they would be playing charades and drinking orangina all night?

Naughty, naughty mummy 

I told him to call me to pick him up if he needed me to - I was under no illusions about the charades and orangina LOL!    He's turned into a fine young man despite my parenting 

[Teenproblem]

Thanks for the advice. Very helpful, We had a talk and made it clear about being where she is when she says that's where she will be. (She is 13) We do let her go out with her friends to the mall but not too often. She says she understands.