some friendship

[OP]

I have (or rather had) a very good friend whose company and friendship I  valued a great deal. We have known each other for a very long time now. Lately she has been very close to a guy outside of her marriage and her husband knows it and has no problems with it. I didn't say much about it but the last time I visited her (in another town) it seemed her whole plan was to go out with the guy and not with me. I can understand if she prefers the company of that guy over me but she would say something about going out for coffee/lunch/movie etc. with me and he would also happen to be there. Obviously it had been planned but she would just feign that this was a coincidence. And this happened several times. It seemed to me that I was just an excuse, the real person she wanted to hang out with was this guy.
Things went on like this for a while and one day I snapped. I told her that BSing me like this wasn't really working and secondly, (I put it very delicately) that she should be careful about drawing the line between the guy and herself. Since then, she has been quite aloof and I suppose, I am no longer a very close friend of hers. Now I gather she likes to hang out with her other girlfriends who she can discuss her "boyfriend" with- and I am no longer a part of that coterie.
We have been friends for many years now, and I am sad to see this happen. What should I do? Obviously, she doesn't feel free/comfortable enough to discuss him with me (and he is a very important part of her life). With age, I have also realized how difficult it is to find and keep real friends and I would do my best to nurture it.
The husband doesn't seem to mind her friendship so am I being uptight/conservative? I have also noticed that she doesn't like it if her husband or the other guy compliment me, which I find really odd. If she is broad-minded enough to have a friendship like this , surely her friend or husband complimenting me on my appearance shouldn't be such a big deal? Or am I reading too much into it?
I have no one to confide, and if I tell my partner I might not get an objective opinion. What should I do? She is one of my close friends.

[easy peasy]

"What should I do? "

Move on.  See if she comes running when it all goes wrong


"She is one of my close friends"

Not any more

[Understand her too]

I get your point but think about it...
 
Would you want to hang out with someone who tells you what you should or shouldn't do? It was none of your business to warn her about the fine line she must draw between her and that guy. She is an adult and what she does is her business only.

You could have phrased it so that you rather enjoy a nice outing with just the two of you and that you prefer it that way. But telling her to watch how far she is going with him was out of line and I understand her aloofness towards you.

[Adults?]

What makes you say they're adults. They all sound like a bunch of 20+ year olds to me.

[OP]

I get your point but think about it...
 
Would you want to hang out with someone who tells you what you should or shouldn't do? It was none of your business to warn her about the fine line she must draw between her and that guy. She is an adult and what she does is her business only.

I thought good friends look out for one another. I am concerned about her and that is what I communicated. I would expect the same from my friends too.

[then perhaps...]

I get your point but think about it...
 
Would you want to hang out with someone who tells you what you should or shouldn't do? It was none of your business to warn her about the fine line she must draw between her and that guy. She is an adult and what she does is her business only.

her regard for your concern should tell you something?

I thought good friends look out for one another. I am concerned about her and that is what I communicated. I would expect the same from my friends too.

[highflyer]

I think I understand where the OP was coming from, but I also agree with the comment from " Understand her too" that she probably felt the warning was out of line - anyway, the comment about phrasing it more delicately is something to think about. If you proceed to continue the friendship as much as possible like before, she'll either come around and things will work themselves out, or maybe she wasn't as good a friend as you thought. Good luck.

[growupforgoodnesssake]

Perhaps your post would be better suited to one of the Singapore Tween forums. Perhaps next time you arrange to meet her in Starbucks to sit there for hours doing your homework she can ask him to pay for the drinks and snacks and then leave you two alone.