No friends - Is it just me?

[why not try]

Not sure if this is your "thing" but why not have a try at volunteering for the more "down-to-earth" charities like old folks homes, orphanages, and other such places, where your presence and help is much more immediately appreciated. You might find genuine fellow volunteers, whose lives are not as shallow as the people you have tried to befriend before.

[PinkyPillz]

Hi everyone, actually I am on the same boat..what I have experienced living in Singapore for about two years is thAt I am ending up getting insane by being lonely. Once I had a message on my cell from "stay At home ladies forum" the asked the first question "r u using apple" I said no ..then she didn't reply..after some days got another message , we exchanged intro, as soon as I told her that I am a Pakistani mommy and I want to get along with other ladies...I didn't get the message again huh

I m missing my family , siblings and my best friends. I went to meet ups but I found them so fake and superficial.

How to spend time here in Singapore without good friends..it's Big Big question in my mind?

[environment]

Singapore is built on paper given the business model and I believe that heavily influences the social climate as well in comparison to other locations for both locals and expats alike.

There is a big emigration percentage here for a reason.

[CeeCee]

I've been here now 3 months... Trying to fight off being tired/bored/loney... No kids, so no opportunity to meet ppl that way (but sounds like there are a lot of "mums" that I wouldn't want to befriend....). I have, luckily, met 3 very nice girls whose husbands work with my husband. None of the couples know each other, which actually is nice, so I/we do things separately with each.. My husband helped facilitate me meeting the wives,,, he want it me to meet the wife of someone he befriended.. Makes going out as a four-some fun! Maybe your husband can do the same?

[make an effort]

I've been here 10 years and read this same sort of stuff fairly frequently.  I've often suggested to people that they make an effort and go to things like the Monday Morning Meetup which is arranged through this site, but most of the time they don't seem to turn up.

I found it to be a good way to make friends.  I don't go any more because I'm working now but when I had the whole day free it was quite a good way to start the week.  But you have to make the effort to go - daunting though it may be, it's a bit like starting a new job or something, the first day is usually the worst, get that over with and you will enjoy it more 

[old mum]

i have found coffee morning waste of time making good friends.
You need to join a group/class that meets regularly at least once every 2 weeks doing some type of volunteer work/crafts together. Made the closest friends there.

[tough town]

It is true to an extent that this is now a worlwide phenomena.

Singapore is a tough place especially if you're an expat who's not on an expat salary. It's even tougher if you're a non-white looking expat but with all the other cultural values/practices of the largely white-expat community.

Breaking into circles and getting accepted as part of the team is goddamn tough and I'm not sure what positive things I can say except that you may find some comfort by joining groups like the Australia New Zealand Association and getting involved in their activities.

Good luck. It's tough I know. I'm not in Singapore anymore and don't miss it in the least but I pop into the website because it was one of the most helpful things around.

[Don't Worry be Happy]

The basic truth is that Singaporians have a very busy life..... and have very little time for others outside of their and their spouses family plus the friends that they grew up with or from school.  Remember they are locals and they don't have a lot of time to invest in people that might be here only a few years.  It is the same elsewhere in the world, not just here.

Also as I have gotten older I find that less and less time do I want to spend developing friendships when I know that I will probably move on in a few years.  Better to put the effort into my family.

Most of my friends that I have here I met when I was younger, mostly though work, that I have made an effort to keep up with.  That said, though I count them as good friends they will never be as close to those people that I grew up with and still keep up with.  Same for them I am sure.

My opinion, don't get too worried about the whole subject.  Get to know people even if they are more short term friends.  Enjoy your time, even if it isn;t ideal, and uou never know when and where you might hit it off with someone.

[tough and rough]

Out of any place I have lived including other SEA countries, this place has been the worst in terms of cliques, racism, and lapse between locals (especially the Chinese Singaporeans from my experience) and expats on a personal level. It seems people stop using their brain when they get to Changi. Maybe it has something to do with the media censorship, but unsure if that's the main reason. In any case I've made great friends here but it does seem to be tougher than elsewhere.

[increasing trend]

The basic truth is that Singaporians have a very busy life..... and have very little time for others outside of their and their spouses family plus the friends that they grew up with or from school.  Remember they are locals and they don't have a lot of time to invest in people that might be here only a few years.  It is the same elsewhere in the world, not just here.

In every frantic city in the world, this is a repeat lifestyle pattern these days. With kids,, you run around their schedule. Everything is a hi/bye/I will call. Unless you're a working mother who can afford to have an actual lunchtime uninterrupted with no young children demanding attention or interrupting every 15 minutes of conversation. Mothers alone with no support or household help tend to be very busy once the babies and toddlers come along. Same for mothers who do the daily school run.There are years where even showering or sitting down undisturbed with a coffee is a luxury. Whatever little free time can sometimes be much needed time to do household catch up, not connecting in person, or over the phone. Energy is another luxury. If there isn't even enough me alone timeto go around, why would anyone want to use whatever precious little time, to go to the trouble of meeting up with people who may or may not work out?

Yet close friendships cannot be made when you attend children classes. Or coffee or a quick meal is arranged, and most of the mothers are preoccupied with keeping their eyes on their active wandering toddlers.

[In the Pink]

Expats generally do not want to know the locals as they consider them disgusting and look upon them with disdain. So, if you are lonely, this is the expected consequence. Western expats generally do want to mix with the locals and they prefer their own kind. This sort of behaviour is repeated even in their home country where non westerners are shunned.U get no sympathy for feeling lonely. Best to go back to where you came from and stay there forever until your life ends.
   

[to pinky]

Get a grip....  and for those of us from multi ethnic families, you are a shame for all of us with that type of mentality.

Maybe it's Singapore. I can't wait to get back TO the west where people for the most part are able to speak more openly and maturely.

[maureenh]

would anyone like to meet up? I like scrapbooking, puzzles, exercising, eating vietnamese, movies. Live near botanical Gardens.
Anyway my email is below. Feel free to drop a line.
I was thinking of having a boardgame night once a week.. or cards smoke the shisha share some food. Need a few ladies to make it happen.

haines.maureen@gmail.com

Cheers,

Maureen

[vocallocalyokel]

I'm an English educated local. I've lived here most of my life and it's lonely as SIN!

[Agent007]

I go to Orchard Towers three times a week and I'm never lonely.