Do all married men cheat in Singapore?

[Foolish]

I recently left Singapore and have since found out that for the last few years there my husband enjoyed most of what was on offer in Singapore and on his Asian business travels. He has also told me about some of his colleagues - one of which I was completely shocked about (although honestly I wonder how anything could shock me now) as he seemed so happy with his wife and young baby. My husband tells me that most of his married colleagues have cheated to his knowledge.

Please tell me that some of you respect your vows?

Is this an expat experience? Do you all treat your marraige, wife and family with so little respect? Is everything so cheap and meaningless?

[so you]

recently left Singapore, found out your husband cheated on you while here, were "completely shocked" to hear his colleague also cheated on his wife and what do you do?

You go onto a forum full of complete strangers and open yourself up to a world of silly nonsense hurtful replies

What does it really matter what others do/think? Is your marriage important to you? Worry about your own relationship and what is important to you.

[Me too]

Mine cheated repeatedly while in Singapore and while I had suspicions, I was never absolutely sure.  We left and returned home and a year later are now separated awaiting a divorce.

I don't blame Singapore, although having watched how local women chased him, I did think I was married to Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt instead of a chubby,  bald,  40 something man.   He's a prick and deserves to be on his own, seeing his kids every other weekend and paying through the nose for it all for the next 14 years or so.  No amount of begging for forgiveness will ever make me take him back - ugh!

[Yes they do]

Each and every one of them. The universe consists of sweepingly defined sets of individuals (e.g. the intensional set of human males who are married and who are expats in Singapore) which can be characterised by simple rules preceded by a universal quantifier (e.g. for each member [sic] in the set married expat males, it holds that that member cheats on his wife in Singapore).

There are no exceptions to these rules or possible subsets within the sets. Once somebody is characterised in the above way, that somebody has to also vigorously follow the prescribed pattern of behavior. Otherwise he will destroy so much mathematics that the universe will become unstable. We don't want that to happen, do we. Imagine the horror of your little universe of neatly defined stereotypes becoming shaky.

So, "so you", is this the type of silly nonsense you had in mind or do I need to come up with something different?

[exexpatz]

Am in the UK - used to be an expat in Singapore.  Most married expat cheat in Singapore - its hard not to when the local minxes pay you so much attention and basically worship the ground you walk on (it really easy to string them along and make yourself out to be richer / more important than you really are) - so you take the chance and do it, expecting not to get caught and to be frank most get away with it.

[exexpatz]

they just hear the word "expat" and their eyes get all misty, their panties drop and the cah register goes off in their heads

[sally 1]

There are lots of gorgeous women in Singapore but IMHO if a man is going to cheat, he will do it anywhere. Some married men are loyal and faithful and do not respond to flirtatious women. Men either give out that vibe or not.

[tom cat]

all cats eat fish....

[some not all]

There are lots of gorgeous women in Singapore but IMHO if a man is going to cheat, he will do it anywhere. Some married men are loyal and faithful and do not respond to flirtatious women. Men either give out that vibe or not.

Very true, I know plenty of married men who don't cheat either in Singapore or elsewhere.

I do think it's harder for weak men in Singapore - plenty of bimbos out there after an ang moh boyfriend and many of the men wouldn't get that kind of attention back home.  I know women who cheat too, but you do tend to get more guys who do it.

[It's about types...]

Singapore does do a good job of bringing together the type of man who is likely to cheat (Alpha males in macho industries like banking, shipping, etc.) with the type of women they are attracted to and thus it makes sense there is a lot of cheating.

BUT, don't forget not all expat men find Singaporean women irresitable. Especially now that expats are coming from more diverse industries (creatives/arts, social innovation, etc.) There are definitely some men who would cheat, but not here. I have a friend who could spend 1000 years in SG and never be tempted, but he did have a fling with a left-wing documentary filmmaker while in Mexico.

A land full of singer/songwriters in vintage teadresses who like philosophy could be much more threatening to some wives

[somersa]

Monogamy is not a natural condition.  It takes more discipline than some have to sustain.  The cold and abusive wife gets little approbation as it is usually a private behaviour but the cheating male is castigated.  There's little difference in the morals of it. 

Treat your spouse as if you were their girlfriend/boyfriend and they won't stray.  My guess is some of these guys were taken for granted and routinely turned down for sex by women who were "tired" or otherwise uninterested.   A girlfriend, porn, or turning to prostitutes is the natural result.

[Agree with PP]

...with several caveats.

It's Venus and Mars, men crave physical intimacy, women crave emotional intimacy.

It's easy to point a finger at the wife and say, "that cold shrew withholds sex from her partner" but a bit more complicated to say, "that cruel bastard withholds love from his wife."

I'll bet for every cheating husband there are half a dozen wives who just shut up and continue to have sex with a husband who blatantly disregards their needs on a daily basis.

[Darwin]

He has also told me about some of his colleagues - one of which I was completely shocked about (although honestly I wonder how anything could shock me now) as he seemed so happy with his wife and young baby.

At least you know now how he managed to stay 'happy' at home.

Either way, it has less to do with 'expat' and more to do with what's happening at home regardless of where home actually is.

[Venus and Mars]

...with several caveats.

It's Venus and Mars, men crave physical intimacy, women crave emotional intimacy.

It's easy to point a finger at the wife and say, "that cold shrew withholds sex from her partner" but a bit more complicated to say, "that cruel bastard withholds love from his wife."

I'll bet for every cheating husband there are half a dozen wives who just shut up and continue to have sex with a husband who blatantly disregards their needs on a daily basis.

Yes, to Venus and Mars. Easy to say the working man was taken for granted. But unless anyone was a bug living in the household, who would know if it was the chicken first, or the egg? When the emotional neglect sets it, the result is also the physical disconnect. Wise is the man who knows how to keep wife content, because often he will get paid back 10 fold when a woman is at peace and happy.

[Roman Traveller]

I think it has a lot to do with Singapore, or Asia, actually.

It is far more acceptable in Asia to have affairs than in Western countries. Asian men frequently have affairs or mistresses and it is not a big deal. I've attended countless business meetings that end up in girly bars or strip joints. It is expected in some offices. Consequently, the local women have no problem chasing after married men or sleeping with men knowing full well he has a family at home.

It is no surprise really that the fastest growing group of new HIV infections in Singapore are married women...