"break" in a relationship

[miss.sad]

I'm going through a really hard time at the moment and was wondering if anyone had any advice or could share their experiences...

I moved down here with my bf in 2002. Unfortunately over the past couple months we have been going through a rough patch and he claims not to have been completely happy ever since. He has told me that he wants time on his own; i.e. for me to move back to my own country for a month or two (I'm on a LTSVP and we live together).

Do people think there's any point to these "breaks"? Is it possible to have a positive outcome of these things or would it just be better to end it now?

It's a really tough call for me because although I want to give this relationship another push, it hurts seeing my bf distressed as well, and we both are pretty tired so just not sure what's for the better...

I know it is completely a couple-by-couple situation and is hard to say without knowing the details, but any comments would be of help....

[so sad]

Read some of the other posts on this board about breakups of relationships. I have said it so many times.  Its this bloody place - its jinxed I'm sure!!
Its hard to comment on your case because you arent saying what the basic problems are - are you homesick, have you or both of you made friends, do you really want to be here, has he met someone else, does he think he could meet someone else and wants you gone.If the problems are caused by homesickness then get out and make some friends and have fun if its any of the others then you could have a problem.  Really sorry for you because its awful to be sad so far away from friends and family.  How about counselling?

[leafs4life]

miss. sad,

Just something to think about. If he's going through a rough time now and wants time to himself, that what will happen if you ever decide to get marry and he's going through a rough time.

I don't know. If people are not willing to work out their relationship through the hard times (whether you are in another country or not) then it's just not much of a relationship in my mind.

I know the circumstances of living in Singapore may be a cause (for whatever reason), but it's certainly not an excuse.  I'm terribly sorry that you are both going through this. Just providing some insight. Of course this is all easier said then done.

Good luck!

[counsellor]

well, you're not married - so that's a bliss.
leave him and go back to your home country or elsehere and resume your career/life - just put the relationship on hold - at least that's what you should communicate to him.  then if he is still keen, let him do the hard work winning your trust again.  i doubt that will happen - unless he is in-between SPG's.

[2 cents]

If he just wanted time to think - well ok.  the fact that he wants you to go to another country is just shrieking "ANOTHER WOMAN".

Obviously got eyes on someone else and wants you out of the way.  Having done this very thing myself, let me tell you this.  The breaker always tells the breakee that it's a little thing, they need time, there isn't anyone else, it's me etc etc  All excuses because its not socially acceptable to say go away I've found something better.

My experience is that breaks just prolong the anguish.  Sit him down, ask him the hard questions and then get on with your life.  The poster above was right - if this guy doesn't get that you work through problems TOGETHER, he's a bad bet.

Move on.

[Not Jinxed]

I think that the relationship wasn't strong in the first place.

And for him to come to that point, it showed a certain of maturity and commitment in the first place.

Let  him go - he's not worth it.

[Been there]

From my experience breaks are just delaying the inevitable.
Unfortunately, someone saying they need a break is really just trying to say I want to break up but in a less upsetting way.
I hope I'm wrong in your case, but that is what has happened to me previously, as the one doing the breaking up and the other way around.

[babelicious]

I suspect that he really wants to break up, but feel too guilty or is too cowardly to do it immediately or face to face. If he truly wants to work things out, a break is not the solution, especially if it means your moving back home.

How can two people work on their relationship thousands of mile apart? And what happens if he decides he wants you back? Are you expected to uproot yourself again, possibly give up a new found job to return with no guarantees this will not happen again?

Moving here for another man was, I am sure, a huge decision for both of you, and one that impacted your life tremendously. It was probably vene a big sacrifice on your part. If after all that, he is not committed enough to the relationship, it's probably best to let go.

Besides, it will only make him resentful to have you hang on now that he has made his wishes clear. Perhaps one day he will realise his mistake, perhaps not. In the meantime, whether you go home or not, move on without him. Don't hang on.

That's my two cents' worth. Good luck and I hope things work out.

[tralala]

Singapore girls are very tempting...

Sorry I would move out ... for ever.

All the best to you.

[aanty]

1. Are you on a Job or are you eating off his money?

2. What kind of Social life do you have? or in other words what do you do for fun?

3. How many hours of the day do you spend together?

4. Have you been suspicious lately of his seeing someone else?

Coz either he is tired of you being a burden on him, or he is bored of you or has fallen out of love or he is seeing someone else. And if any of the above is true you should know what to do, talk to him about stuff you have in mind, which I'm sure you must have. Give him sometime to think it over. And still if it does not work out, get your backs packing and head to mommy.

[padi]

tralala : Every woman is beatiful and tempting in their own ways.There will always be temptations everywhere.It's about discipline for one to stay commited to the other partner.

Miss.sad : It must have been a big decision for you to have come all the way out here for your bf.I think you two better sit down and talk over things properly.He can have time on his own without you having to move back to home base,you can always stay with a gf or something for the time on your own.Moving back might not be a good idea.

[aanty]

1. Are you on a Job or are you eating off his money?

2. What kind of Social life do you have? or in other words what do you do for fun?

3. How many hours of the day do you spend together?

4. Have you been suspicious lately of his seeing someone else?

Coz either he is tired of you being a burden on him, or he is bored of you or has fallen out of love or he is seeing someone else. And if any of the above is true you should know what to do, talk to him about stuff you have in mind, which I'm sure you must have. Give him sometime to think it over. And still if it does not work out, get your backs packing and head to mommy.