'Britishness' Test for Immigrants

[To be a Briton]

According to the British Home Secretary, immigrants will have to pass a 'Britishness' Test to be able to have a passport and vote.  
Some are tricky, like who the Prime Minister is, others are less tricky like How do you pay your phone bill.  True, honest.  

Let's start our own test for Britishness:

a) Bad Teeth
b) Sallow skin
c) Tatoos
d) using the word fu*k twice in every sentence
e) Drink to get drunk
f) Cannot play cricket  
g) Can tolerate miserable weather 360/365
h) Overweight
i) shaved head
...  

[Loops]

Hey, I resent that!

My hair is getting quite long these days  

[excellent]

Its about time a country did this. Its shameful for citizens of a country not to speak its language, follow its customs or having much of anything to do with it except live there.

[oh to be sallow]

Sallow skin???  Try "blue" skin........

[Bullsh!t]

If the English can't speak English properly - and these are the white ones - why do you expect anyone else to?

Just look at the hideous grammatical and spelling mistakes made by English men and women on this message board.

Lie back and think of England!

[English Person]

Calm down you lot, it was supposed to be a joke post, ie have a light hearted bit of fun...........remember fun?  it's what you do when you've got a sense of humour..........sigh..........no, I guess that's wasted on the last poster!

However, if we're going to go all serious........

As for the proposals from the UK, I personally welcome them.  If you're moving to a country and expecting it to be your home until you die, then to lean the language should surely be one of your primary aims.  I know lots of people who've moved here, myself included, who are trying to learn Mandarin, and yet I doubt we will be living out the rest of our lives here.  We just want to try and fit in a bit more.

You can't knock a government for trying to encourage it's new citizens to learn the language can you (well, obviously you lot can, but that's only to be expected!).  Somebody moving to the UK has got far more chance of being able to find a decent job if they can talk to the people they're dealing with.

I can see other countries, especially European ones, following this idea too, and I think they should,  because it's a good one.

[Kim Philby]

But English person - by your own standards and logic you wouldn't qualify to remain in Britain then.

By the way, Mandarin is not the national language of Singapore - it's Malay.

[English Person]

I don't recall saying that Mandarin was the national language!  

Why wouldn't I qualify?  I still speak English!

Frankly, your post, is a bit confusing  

[Taffy]

**Excellent - Its about time a country did this. Its shameful for citizens of a country not to speak its language, follow its customs or having much of anything to do with it except live there. **

Just as the English did when they moved into Wales.  Demanded that kids spoke English in schools resulting in harsh punishments and humiliation if they didn't.  Even in the most rural parts where neither the children or parents had the first idea of what was going on.  This was the first nail in the coffin of the welsh language and culture.  I could go on, but for such an ignoramous like 'Excellent', why bother ??

[Kim Philby]

English Person - show your excellent post to England's Immigration Department - you'll fail by your writing alone.

[English Person]

Oh dear, oh dear!  Maybe they should try and encourage sense of humour to be tested too!  

Taffy - that was so obviously a sarcastic comment.  Even you should be able to spot that!

Kim Philby - you're a strange one aren't you?   You're trying to wind me up, for what reason, I'm not sure.  You're also not doing it very well!  Why would I be trying to approach the UK immigration Department (UK, not England by the way!), when I already hold a UK passport?  Durrr!!!  

I happen to think that the proposals are quite good (for a change for the UK!), so I don't really know why you've decided to have a go - unless of course, you yourself have tried to gain entry and failed.  That would make your poor attempts at baiting, a bit more understandable!

[interesting fact...?]

kim, is malay the actual 'national language' then, i thought there were 4 'official languages'?

[it's its...]

English Person: It is my guess that Philby is referring to your typo: "to encourage it's new citizens...". This should have read: "its new citizens", as "it's" is a combining of "it is".

Of course, it's a minor error only, and going on about it disqualifies Philby from the discussion.

[Kim Philby]

The fact is that if Englishmen who are born and bred there can't speak good English, nor behave properly, they should expel all that crowd first.

Secondly - what's so good about being English/British?

The Irish don't want us. The Indians didn't want us. The Malaysians didn't want us. The Singaporeans didn't. The Australians don't (badly phrased referendums don't count). So what's the big fat hairy deal about trying to remain a pukkah empire which kills innocent people in Iraq? Maintain Britishness indeed - if that happened our soccer team couldn't even find an able coach to keep up with the way soccer is now played.

[Ah Beng]

If Singapore's Government had a "Singaporeaness" test - I'd bet 90 percent of the expats wouldn't qualify to stay here.

Suck on that for a while.