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ExpatSingapore Message Board 17 September 2014, 13:28:54 PM *
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Author Topic: Husband Cheating Again  (Read 39334 times)
Helpless
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« on: 12 September 2010, 10:16:12 AM »
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Hi, my best friend recently caught her husband having an affair with one of his direct subordinate in his office.  She's local, married and burning with social ambition. Of course her husband left her once he found out.

My friend went to their office to confront the girl.  It became very public and the girl got fired ("resigned to pursue other interests",, whatever).  The husband still has his job, but not sure for how long.  The husband said he wants to work things out with the wife, but recently we found out that he was still seeing that girl.

WHat should she do?
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ExpatSingapore Message Board
« on: 12 September 2010, 10:16:12 AM »
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Helpless
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« Reply #1 on: 12 September 2010, 10:17:55 AM »
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Hi, my best friend recently caught her husband having an affair with one of his direct subordinate in his office.  She's local, married and burning with social ambition. Of course her husband left her once he found out.

My friend went to their office to confront the girl.  It became very public and the girl got fired ("resigned to pursue other interests",, whatever).  The husband still has his job, but not sure for how long.  The husband said he wants to work things out with the wife, but recently we found out that he was still seeing that girl.

WHat should she do?

To clarify "local, married and burning with social ambition" refers to the homewrecker, not my friend.
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obvious!
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« Reply #2 on: 12 September 2010, 10:27:46 AM »
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WHat should she do?

She should re-think her friendship with you, clearly, as you have gone to an anonymous internet forum and blabbed her business all over.  Roll Eyes

What she chooses to do is really none of your business, so asking for advice for her is, frankly, stupid.

Anyone would think you were trying to stir up one of those threads where everyone calls the white woman fat and useless and the local woman and cheap, money-grabber... How boring that would be...
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obvious!
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« Reply #3 on: 12 September 2010, 10:29:12 AM »
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That should read "a cheap money-grabber".

Either way, get a life.
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hlplss
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« Reply #4 on: 12 September 2010, 10:33:26 AM »
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Wow - seems that the "see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil" spirit is truly alive and well here. Thanks, that says a lot.
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hlpless
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« Reply #5 on: 12 September 2010, 10:35:36 AM »
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btw countless wives get cheated on in Singapore everyday, so I think you are being a bit carried away thinking that I can reveal anything on an anonynous site
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new start
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« Reply #6 on: 12 September 2010, 10:44:42 AM »
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Well I think she should ditch him, but then I'm not her.  Some people live with these things and some don't.  If she ditched him and went back home she'd pick up her life again - it might not feel like it at the moment but it'd turn out OK in the end.
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jokerz
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« Reply #7 on: 12 September 2010, 15:40:18 PM »
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I couldn't resist, so here goes:

He must have been blown away by her and her dedication to the job.

He was a hard man to work for, but she wanted to get his creative juices flowing

The pressure of working for him brought her on her knees a few times

He was a straight shooting type of boss to her

She swallowed her pride and agreed to work for him


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Todaychipwrapper
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« Reply #8 on: 12 September 2010, 16:45:48 PM »
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Or it could just be that she is a perfect wife, great mother and keeps herself nice and he's just a cheating scumbag not worthy of the title man.
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new start
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« Reply #9 on: 12 September 2010, 16:49:57 PM »
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It is my believe that a man (or woman) doesn't stray if they are happy at home.

well no, and I do believe that too in most cases, but there are always exceptions.

Like the guy in the UK who killed his wife (they'd only been married 4 or 5 months I believe) and hid her body in the basement after she found out about his extra-curricular activities. 

I don't think they'd even lived together long enough to find out if they were happy at home!


But whatever the reason with the OP's friend, if he's straying then one or both of them aren't happy so perhaps it's time to call it a day.

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jokerz
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« Reply #10 on: 12 September 2010, 18:44:28 PM »
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I don't think the OP is concerned about whose fault it is, could the wife have lost more weight etc etc.

The husband was caught, and now he's playing both sides by lying to them (ie telling each woman that he wants to be with her only). The question now is whether the wife should go nuclear, and I think she should:

1. Email the husband's big boss to tell him what happened

2. Email the homebreaker's husband and family to let them know

3. Email the homebreaker's employer and clients to let them know what kind of person she really is.
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But then
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« Reply #11 on: 12 September 2010, 20:28:27 PM »
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I don't think the OP is concerned about whose fault it is, could the wife have lost more weight etc etc.

The husband was caught, and now he's playing both sides by lying to them (ie telling each woman that he wants to be with her only). The question now is whether the wife should go nuclear, and I think she should:

1. Email the husband's big boss to tell him what happened

2. Email the homebreaker's husband and family to let them know

3. Email the homebreaker's employer and clients to let them know what kind of person she really is.

Maybe she should just mind her own f*cking business. For starters, she only has one side of the story (if that) and running around giving it to others is a despicable rat type act that could lead to a smack in the face, and rightly so.

As for the wife, she needs to also keep her yap shut and deal with her issues and stay well away from the boss, other parties husband etc. That's pure childishness. Poor me poor me.

But if she wants to air her dirty linen and be a laughing stock, go for it.
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anon
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« Reply #12 on: 12 September 2010, 20:38:45 PM »
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Yes, think of how humiliating it will be.

Oh wait, I think she's been humiliated already. So don't think she's supposed to take this lying down and suffer in silence.
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Depends
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« Reply #13 on: 12 September 2010, 21:00:45 PM »
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Yes, think of how humiliating it will be.

Oh wait, I think she's been humiliated already. So don't think she's supposed to take this lying down and suffer in silence.

Depends on what she does.

Email the boss ? Why ? It's none of his business.

Email the husband and family ? Why ? To bust up the other family as well as her own ? Now that's mature.

Email the employer and clients ? Why ? It's none of their business either.

And what's with the "homebreaker" bullsh!t. It's takes two you know (or did last time I did it).

No one said suffer in silence and by all means get square. Just be mature about it. The previous suggestions reek of teenage girl behaviour.
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What's This 1970?
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« Reply #14 on: 12 September 2010, 21:19:47 PM »
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You might ask her if she contributed to this in any way.  While we tend to blame the one (man/woman) who "cheated" this is rarely just the fault of one.  Perhaps she wasn't the kind of wife he wanted to come home to - unkind, unpleasant, belittling, withholding, and so on. 

Did she make an effort to ensure his happiness including sexually?   (And this isn't aimed at women - it is incumbent on all married persons).   

If she wasn't pleasant to come home to and wasn't interested in him sexually then she has a role in this as well.  And this is usually the case.  He may need to apologize for what he did but perhaps she has something to apologize for as well.   

It is my believe that a man (or woman) doesn't stray if they are happy at home.

I think you will find that the now accepted research shows that cheating has very little to do with the behaviour of the spouse that is cheated on.   It is a pathology that belongs to the cheater 100%.  The husband is an ass!
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